Over the past 8 years, I have read and seen endless information about boundaries. I struggled with them for so long. I wasn't comfortable with some boundaries and then of course I wasn't able to stick to them. What I've learned is that I need boundaries but they need to be MINE. I was failing because I listened to everyone else's opinions about what boundaries should be. Last night my limits were tested. I want to share what happened so I can reaffirm to myself that I'm ok. Also, maybe my experience will help someone else struggling with boundaries. I hadn't heard from my son in weeks. The frantic texting started yesterday. I did respond. I did not respond within minutes. It was not my urgency. I have some of his money as I'm his trustee when he does work. It's not much. He lost his bus pass. I did agree to pick one up on my way home. I did not agree to give him cash for a bus pass. I know anything I give him can be converted to cash. It's not my job to keep him from trading items for cash. I did agree to pick up a gift card for Walmart. I did not go by myself to get it. It was inconvenient he could at least keep me company. I did notice that he showered. I did not comment that it didn't matter since he clothing was disgusting. Personal grooming is a struggle with his depression. Overcoming it is not my business even if I don't like it. I did ask why he didn't join us for visitation with his son this week. I did not tell him that watching a toddler yell up to his room "daddy" hurts my very soul. I have worked hard to have a relationship with my grandson. I will help my son in any way I can with the baby. It isn't my job to make my son participate. He says he has a new job. I did offer to continue being his trustee. I did not remind or nag anything about trying to keep this job or what he should or shouldn't do. I hope it's true. I'm not going to play detective finding out. He whispered "thank you mom" as he slipped out again. I was sad. I was not angry or resentful. If you're figuring out how boundaries work for you, you are not alone.