What do you think when I say....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by busywend, Feb 19, 2010.

  1. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am getting married on Sept 11th? Does it make you smile or do you feel emotional about it? I do not want to make any of my guests uncomfortable or feel like I am being disrespectful.

    What was your first thought?
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think it may depend upon how closely your guests were affected by the terrorist attacks. Are you or your family members from New York? Did any of them lose family or friends that day?

    If so, I probably would change the date of the wedding...

    Or perhaps do something to acknowledge the loss...recognize the memory of the loved one or friend...something like that.

  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I think if you do not make a big deal out of it, it's fine.

    It's just another day.

    Now me? I'd notice. As a guest, I would not automatically assume there was any hidden meaning unless the bridal party made a deal about it.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    That's a tough one. My initial reaction is negative. But that's just me. I guess it depends on your families and what significance, if any, that day has for them. It's a date that will be with you and your DF forever. If you two are okay with it, and your families don't think anything of it, then I guess you should stick with it.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, is it this year or next year? I think it might be a bit harder on the 10 year anniversary. 9 year isnt so memorable ya know. 10 is a round number.

    As a nation, we seem to be healing more and more but I do expect that the 10 year anniversary may be a big one. Of course, by the time we get to 20 or more, no one will be remembering it much. Look at how many actually stop and think about what 12/7 is anymore. No one would even blink if you got married on that day and it is just as big a date.

    This has gotten quite long. LOL.

    I guess I would go with it if it is a date that accommodates all your plans and guests.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    12/7? Pearl Harbor?

    Janet has a really, really good point...
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Being a native New Yorker, and having known many people who were there that day and some who lost their lives, I have a very negative reaction to the date. But that's me.

    If one of my daughters asked me the same question, I would respectfully ask them to reconsider the date.

    However, this is about you and your family and your special day. If YOU have no negative feelings or connection to the date and neither does your family, then go with it.

    My other thought is, if you're asking, you probably don't feel 100% okay with it yourself.
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I think that Sept 11, 2001 was a horrible, horrible day. But, living, loving and continuing life is a great way to honor it. Because that's what we're supposed to do - live and love.

    ETA: I married my second husband on 12/7 - Pearl Harbor Day.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. That's a tough one. I can see both sides.
    Don't ask me ...
    I'll just offer congratulations, whatever the date!
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    My first reaction was "Can't you make it Sept. 12?" But, if you really want this date due to scheduling or whatever, I would suggest including a short statement on the invitations that says something like "In order to honor those who lost loved ones on this date in 2001, we have chosen this date to commit ourselves to each other" or something similar. That way, instead of some guests sitting there wondering why you chose this date, they will be concentraiting on the beautiful wedding. Some guests probably won't think twice about it, but I don't know these people.
  11. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm kinda in the middle here.

    Is there a reason that is the only option? Not the week before or the week after?
  12. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Busy - I think different people will have different reactions. Personally, I cringed. I never ever hear that day without remembering vividly the entire day - it could be an entirely different year that's being referenced, but for me there will only be one 9/11.

    I will say I don't think it's disrespectful to get married on that day, and I think Heather has an especially healthy way to look at it. I'm just not there, and doubt I ever will be. But... that's just me. ;)

    (Okay - teared up just writing the response... so yep, made me feel very emotional ;) ).
  13. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, a few more details might help.

    I personally think it is a beautiful day to get married. It is a sign of a new beginning to me. I think it is a way to allow us to smile on a horrible day. Perhaps bring a smile each year for my family with some good memories to go along with the horrific ones.
    The date does cause me emotions, what American doesn't have emotions thinking about that day?

    So, we do want to get married on a Saturday - DF more than me feels strongly about it. It is the only Saturday date available in nice weather months (we all know why - the mixed emotions) and we are getting a serious discount since the place can't book it and they want to.

    DF is thinking about it still. I just wanted to understand others thoughts since they are different than my own.

    By the way, I am certainly planning on doing a moment of silence or some sort of memorial at the reception. I do not know what yet. That is of course, if we do it that day.
  14. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I think it's time to take Sept 11th back from the terrorists....

    There will always be memorials and we, as a nation, will never forget. But the joy of a new beginning will mean we are starting to heal.
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks, Julia. I feel the same way. Perhaps we just need to start taking it back one person at a time. Or in this case - two people ;)

    I really appreciate everyone's honest input - keep it coming.
  16. ML

    ML Guest

    I agree with TM.
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I say my mind is clouded and I thought nothing of it until I read further...
    But as I say, my mind is clouded today..lol
  18. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Wendy, to play Devil's Advocate, I would select a different day. It's a noble thought to take the day from the terrorists but it's difficult for most of us humans and you don't have any way of knowing how it would be perceived by guests---victory? insensitivity to their pain? disrespectful to those who died and should be acknowledged on that day?

    At work we don't schedule anything for that day- meetings or anything else- because it might conflict with personal memorials. We have the memorial at Shanksville, PA that is a very big deal and many from around the state attend. Since you live in NY I would be very surprised if you didn't have similar ceremonies and similar conflicts.

    I would suggest that you select a day that will be known to you and your fiance and friends as "your" anniversary.............not the anniversary of anything else, especially something so devastating to the nation.

  19. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I googled it. There are some others getting married that day this year. Of course it is an issue this year due to the desire to get married on a Saturday. The reactions are mixed, just like we are here on the site. And I expect that the 75 people we invite will be mixed as well.

    I believe our family & friends will know that we would never disrespect what happened on 9/11/01. I sincerely hope on 9/11/11, they will have a moment where they can smile during their painful memories to remember having a great time at our wedding the year before.

    I guess if we choose this date I will have to accept that some will not like it, although I never imagined anyone would think it was disrespectful. I just figured people would wonder why we would want that date as an anniversary.

    We save about $1500 with all the discounts they are giving us. So, we will most likely end up keeping the date.
  20. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I am also a native New Yorker whose first job out of school was at 2 WTC and I think that getting married on 9/11 is beautiful.

    On 9/11/04, my family went to a wedding in the afternoon and a Bat Mitzvah at night. Both families said that they wanted to not give the terrorists any more control over their heads.

    Life goes on and it needs to be celebrated, every day of the year.