What happens after 90 days?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Dec 9, 2010.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Well that is the question. Our son is out of state in rehab. Our hope is that he will stay where he is after the 90 days, go into sober living there, get a job and build a life for himself. That is our hope but doesn't sound like that is his plan. I think he is hoping to come back here, get an apartment, have us help him get on his feet with that apartment and go from there. So clearly we have a big disconnect. He has said we need to talk about this in conference with his therapists. I agree because if we try to talk about it without outside supports it will just be a big fight.

    He is under some pressure by the court to follow the recommendations of the rehab program. Their recommendations will be to stay down there so at least they and we are in agreement.

    At least he is not talking about coming and living at home.

    He had heard from someone that I said we would not bring him back. I told him if he was determined to come back we would get him a plane ticket, as I think it is unfair and would feel ike a betrayal for us to send him out of state with no way to get home. I don't know if he is somehow then assuming from way past conversations that we will help him get set up in an apartment.

    I think our stand has to be pretty absolute, we will help set him up in a sober living place. It would make the most sense to stay down there in sober living where they know the places and he can continue with his current therapy, than to come back here and try and get into a place up here. We are going to have to be tough. I know this, I agree with this, and it is going to be hard and painful to do.

    Yet I am also pretty convinced if he comes back here it won't be long until he relapses.

    I also feel that somehow this all needs to be a choice HE makes. He can do what he wants, but we get to set limits on what we are willing to help pay for. Really he needs to get to the point where he is totally independent and supporting himself. I think he needs help getting the skills to do that.

    Ugh.... there are some hard conversations ahead.
  2. compassion

    compassion Member

    Boundaries and detatchment can be a challenge. In my expereience, bering loving and encouraging but not having m young adults live at home works for me. I find a lot of support (emotinal ) is meded but there is a lot of growth they have to do apart from me. Compassiion aMILES Anon (online) and Al-anon ans this board helps me lots. So does Nami and a therapist montlhy for ME