What is wrong with me?!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterby, May 17, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    First, I'm sorry I haven't been responding much to others' posts. I'm in such a funk.

    I know easy child is being a PITA, but I don't know why this time it's different. He's been a PITA before. He does have way more attitude, but he's had attitude before. I just feel like when I talk to him anymore, that I'm talking to a different person.

    Is it because I know he's growing up and moving on and I'm dealing by becoming angry? I do tend to get angry rather than hurt - my coping mechanism.

    I'm still sleeping a horrendous amount, although better than last week - or the week before, can't remember. And I've actually had a bit of energy for the first time in...I don't know how long.

    But, all I want to do is cry. When I'm not crying - which is most of the time because I don't like to cry - I feel sick. I have no appetite. I don't want to do anything, but I have been making myself get out of the house a little bit.

    And I've started a period. I don't have periods. I take medication so I don't have periods (because of endometriosis). I've been on this medication for over 4 years. WTH is up with that?

    I've been clenching my teeth so much the last few months that all of my teeth are cold sensitive, I get shooting pains in my jaw and into my ear, and the muscles along my jaw quiver and twitch. I can't afford a bite plane. And all of my old tricks to stop from clenching aren't working.

    I'm rambling. I just feel lost.

    So, like any other woman who needs a change, I'm thinking about getting my hair cut. It's long enough that I could donate it. And, yes I know, as difficult child would say...that was random. I'm just so scattered.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I dunno. easy child's attitude should be making you mad. It's downright disrepectful and his behavior is far from angelic. I think your feelings there are appropriate.

    As for the other.........do you think easy child acting like such a major PITA has something to do with it? It's difficult to put up with that carp when you can't really get away from it, especially when you don't feel great to begin with.

  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Warm hugs for a special lady!

    Listen, it's perfectly natural for you to be somewhat down in the dumps and po'd right now. easy child was supposed to graduate - your very first nest jumper - and due to circumstances beyond your control it isn't working out. Add to that fact that although you want him to graduate and move on, you don't want him to graduate and move on.

    But here's the rub: right now, you're going to be like "Younger Bear" in "Little Big Man" (a really fantastic Dustin Hoffman movie). He was a contrary, a brave who does everything backward! You want him to grow and achieve, but you want him home even when you don't want him home. He's driving you crazy, but he's not. Your emotions are totally conflicting - heart vs. mind. It's to be expected at major milestones in our lives and theirs.

    How to stop clenching? Keep a cinnamon stick in your mouth. This way it will take the brunt of the clenching and will after a while get bitter and stop the "biting down". Symbolically? You're biting your tongue from all of the things you WANT to say but don't!

    If you want to get a hair cut, go and do it, but make sure that you're not doing it because your stressing out - do it because you want a change.

    Worse comes to worse? Bring out the flashlights! If you can't sleep, neither should he! Mooohahaha!!!!

    We love you here my friend!

  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    WHEN was the last time you actually looked at your life and thought
    - AH I love this peace?
    I love being appreciated for all that I do.
    I'm healthy.
    I have two children with no disablities
    and an endless cash resource,
    My Mother thinks all my decisions are brilliant,
    I have a night out once a month with my friends,
    I have friends.
    I don't have any worries about foreclosure,
    getting child support on time,
    my ex moving anywhere near me

    Life is good and I sleep well, and eat well.

    Gheez Heather in all that you wrote the ONLY thing that may be able to be good news (for most) is I got my period. (lol)

    You are not Atlas -

    I can send you a bite thingy like they sell at the drug store - I bought an extra one if you think it would help I'll send it to you. PM me and let me know. It's the boil and mold kind.

    So I'm sending you hugs - because I AM a freind.....invisible or not. lol and I care......you are overworked, over worried, over burdened and fed up. AND you have blasted Junebugs in your garage.

    Yup - we need to find you a way to destress.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I may be way off here... but I know I'd be very angry if I had been sick for more than a year with no end in sight and possibly like I'm unable to enjoy the tail end of my kids' childhoods. I'd be frustrated and quick to anger... I think it's normal even if not healthy. I wish I had an answer on how to make this all better.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    "Calling all Star*s, calling all Star*s, please send a helping of Raoul asap"

    (sent from the corner!)
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Or......like Beth suggested - when was the last time you had a nice, peaceful get-away with Raoul.
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    My whole world is turned upside down. easy child is being a difficult child and difficult child is being a easy child.

    easy child didn't go to school today. He went to the mall to return the promise ring he had gotten her for their anniversary less than a month ago. Why he couldn't go tomorrow since he doesn't work, I don't know. But, I'm out of that.

    He did go with the girl that was causing issues with his relationship with Ashlee. She texted him a month ago and wanted to know why they couldn't talk, that it was unfair, yada, yada, yada. And that's when his behavior changed dramatically. I *know* someone can't make you do something you don't want to, but every time there have been issues with easy child lying to me, etc, it's been when this girl is involved. There is some kind of pull there. And while I haven't met her, everything I hear screams difficult child. I do know that she parties.

    He came home from work, went to the bathroom and couldn't get out of here fast enough. I called him later and said that we need to talk. He was annoyed because he was watching a "really good movie". I told him that I was tired of having this knot in my stomach. He said we'd talk tomorrow.

    I am literally sick. I just ate some applesauce and I don't know if it will stay down. Other than the fact that he's not going to graduate, there's nothing big that I can see going on. But something is off; I just can't put my finger on it. But something is not right. And I feel like I'm sitting here waiting for that shoe to drop.

    I don't know how to make this feeling go away. I try to do things to distract myself, but it just seems to be getting worse by the day.

    I just don't know.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you are becoming too enmeshed in the minute to minute drama that is his life right now. Step back a bit and dont engage as much with him. I know, much easier said than done. But he is going to do what he is going to do. If this new girl is drawing him in right now, he is going to flock to her even more if he thinks you are against it.

    My bet is that this girl is willing to put out, she parties and this is a new experience for him. When boys start this period in their lives they are downright obnoxious. Its like a sudden surge of machismo comes over them and they cant be told a thing. I practically could pinpoint the hour it happened with mine.
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Janet, I realized that, but couldn't seem to stop. It's hard when you see your child insist on learning the hard way. You just want to shake them. Or hit them upside the head with a 2 X 4.

    But, I have detached and I feel much better today. I think I just needed a few days to process and adjust.

    Geez...I'm glad that part is over. That wasn't any fun at all.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I work all day with lumber - 2x4 is NOT going to be big enough for a 17 year old easy child going to difficult child male child. :tongue:

    (sends skillet)
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending more hugs and some peaceful quiet.
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Thank you, ladies, as always for your support. I was really struggling for a few days.

    Star - easy child is such a wimp. 2x4 would be plenty.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Are you sure Heather.........I've got a cast iron skillet I could loan you. :D

    Or you could just nail him in a barrel and feed him thru the bung hole. LOL

    Glad you've been able to detach a bit from it.

    Janet is right. This new girl sounds fast and easy and full of new things to try. He's feeling his oats. And you know you can't tell a male a thing once he's went ga ga over some female.

  15. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Lisa, you can send me the cast iron skillet for difficult child 2. He's going to be staying with me for a couple weeks.

    Although, he did just put 3 or 4 new holes in his ear today. I could always pull on his ear. :D