What's normal sexual behavior?

[Shari]

Wee difficult child exhibits what his psyche (and I) beleive are probably hyper-sexual behaviors. He noticed pretty girls way too young, talked about hips and eyes. He continues to grab at attractive women now, at age 6.
***
He hasn't made the "connection" yet, at least not consciously, but he is erect a lot of the time. He runs around grabbing himself - hard - most of the time. We are constantly telling him to keep his hands out of his pants, but that is getting worse instead of better.
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This morning, he grabbed himself and aimed himself at us, while thrusting his hips and making very loud "woooweee" sounds. Altho he has always done this occassionally, despite our best efforts to make it stop, this is becoming a daily activity.
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He started this cr@p when he was around 3, commenting on girls and their hair and hips and how they walked. They said he would "outgrow" it then. Obviously, he has not, and now people are starting to take notice. And at this point, I don't know what's normal and what's not.
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So what's normal?

 

[crazymama30]

I know my difficult child (age 10) will sometimes comment on pretty girls, sometimes about breast size. I would say this has started within the last 2 years. He says he has "girlfriends" but I do not think they are serious, and they do not go out or come over here and he does not go to their house. The only time he is erect (that I have noticed) would be first thing in the morning. He has never done the hip thrusting thing.

I am really not sure if what my difficult child does is normal, but I am sure you have your hands full!! I hope you can find someway to redirect him.

 

[busywend]

This does not sound normal at all to me. But, I never had to raise a boy, so I do not know much.

It all sounds excessive and extreme to me. Hips? What little kids even notices hips? Is this while playing with his tonka trucks? He is in a sandbox moving sand and a woman walks by - he stops and notices her walking? I am not being strange here - just trying to understand. Kind of hard to do in the written word.

I hope this does not come across as offensive as it is in no way meant to be.

 

[BusynMember]

I'll try to help a little. I have three boys, with the youngest one being fifteen and on the autism spectrum. None of the boys really expressed an interest in girl's parts until their teens, not even my autistic son. And all of them knew not to touch strangers that way. BUT...I don't know what is going on with your son...I do know that some autistic kids don't understand "don't touch" and often have to be taught not to. And in bipolar I know there can be hypersexuality, but I'm not sure how that manifests. I would be most concerned about the inappropriate touching as that can cause problems. That's what I'd work on the hardest...if he has hypersexual thoughts there really isn't anything you can do about them until he is more stable (then hopefully he won't have them anymore). by the way, little boys DO get hard (for lack of my ability to think of a more delicate word...lol) and do play with themselves, but by six they usually know better than to do it in front of people. My lil bro used to stand in front of the house with his hands in his pants when he was two. I have a vivid memory of that. He probably has a mild case of Aspergers. Good luck!

 

[mstang67chic]

While my difficult child is a boy, I've never had a boy that age. (Got difficult child from foster care at the age of 9) With that said though, I wouldn't think this is normal either. I agree that the touching of people is a major thing to be worked on and I would definately bring this up with therapist or psychiatrist. If you can, you may want to journal this behavior for a week or so just to give the doctor a better idea of how much it is happening. When he gets older this could really turn into a problem.

Small example....when difficult child was about 12 or so, he got in trouble at the Boys and Girls club for grabbing a girls breast. In that particular case I think it was more an impulse issue than (for lack of a better term) a predetory sexual thing. The staff made him apologize and I did too when I got there. The poor girl was so embarrassed that I made him do it again but I managed to make her giggle. When I saw her I was surprised she didn't handle it herself. She was much bigger than difficult child and I told difficult child I was surprised she didn't deck him. He looked at me as if thinking "That could happen?" and she looked surprised at me too. I flat out told her that if he ever did anything like that again, she had my permission to whomp him. She seemed pretty happy with that.

 

[Calgon_Take_Me_Away]

While not exactly on the same page, I have "caught" my difficult child in the shower with the shower part off but water coming out of the spout and his penis under the water stream and erect. He does like being hit "in the nuts" (as he puts it) and he likes "butt digging" (told/taught easy child 2 how to do it to him). He does grab himself from time to time when he's nervous. He makes innappropriate comments about butts or breasts. These are things we've talked about in therapy but have no answer to.

easy child 2 did what I would consider normal at 2 ~ he had a pair of underwear on that were loose in the front and his wee wee stuck through the hole when he sat down. One morning (while potty training) he told me, "look mom, my wee wee is hard". He quit playing with it and then said, "awe, it went down".

We do know that it can be a soothing thing for some kids, but from the sounds of it, your difficult child isn't doing this to soothe himself. It's as if he's getting ignorantly educated regarding his "private" parts by those around him that are older. After saying this, I'm not saying it's you, but I know my kids gets an ear full on the school bus. I'd pay attention to television shows, older kids that are around, magazines (more the ads than articles), etc. Keep trying redirecting and inappropriate use "talks" ~ for some parents, telling the child they are only allowed to touch themselves in that manner when they are in their room out of everyone else's eyes.

Good Luck!

 

[OpenWindow]

I don't think it's normal and it's similar to what my difficult child used to do at that age, although he didn't grab at people. He would, however rub up against an adult or the furniture. He did comment on pretty women, real or on TV, much more than easy child did. But the actual acting out was more just with himself. We talked to psychiatrists and counselors about it and they all told me he would outgrow it. He seemed to "calm down" in about first grade and by the time he was 8 or 9 and we didn't see anything like I mentioned above in a long time, although he may have done it in private. And if you read my recent post, he did take it to the next level and acted out on someone else.

I wasn't going to post because it's not that I think this could happen with your son and I don't want you to think that's what I'm saying, just that if you think it could be an issue, address it now and look for an expert in hypersexual behavior.

 

[bran155]

My easy child son age 7 does notice a pretty girl from time to time and does touch himself occasionally, however not while erect. I think to some degree feeling those sensations down there are normal, I do think (in my humble opinion) that your case is to the extreme. I have a friend who has a 7 yo difficult child boy, he has been diagnosis ODD/ADHD/Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and he is very touchy feely. He is constantly grabbing womens breasts, he makes sexual comments to adults, he gets erect just by seeing an attractive female on a tv commercial and he is always hitting women on their butts. A few times he tried to put his hands up my shirt. I can remember one occasion when we were at another friend's son's birthday party and he put his hand between a woman's legs a cupped her vagina. Unfortunately his mother and grandmother find this to be cute and funny. They don't see it being an issue.

I wish I had some advice for you but I have never dealt with this with my own kids. I just wanted to share the experience I did have with this other boy. So sorry, I know this must be difficult to deal with. Hang in there.

 

[Shari]

Kinda like that, Wend. When it started, he would be riding in the car to his appointment which was downtown on the university campus and would comment on girls walking that we passed. And yes, if he's playing and sees a pretty girl, he's apt to stop and go hug on her. He will instantly like a girl if they are pretty, and will be all over them if not stopped, I've talked about this some before, because when he was smaller, everyone thought it was "cute". Now he's kinda at the middle age where its still not really all that bad, but its a little strange. In another year, I imagine it won't be acceptable at all.
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His cousins are older, very attractice young ladies that he oogles when around them. It just occurred to me that I may have a very valuable teaching
tool/resouce in them.
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MWM - I wish I knew what was going on with him. He doesn't fit anything to a T, tho in my humble opinion, autism spectrum fits better than anything else. Even the county service coordinator who came the other day made the comment that he's falling thru the cracks because he doesn't have a this-or-that diagnosis.
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And Linda, that is something I'm concerned about. He doesn't know boundaries, he does this sort of stuff, and he has no impulse control. While right now I don't think it would be predatory in nature, in another year or 2, he darn sure could find himself in trouble due to impulsively acting like he does now.
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I'll get the BT and IHBT onto the self-touching behavior. I guess that was a big part of my question - if that was normal. Sounds like not, so we need to get on that. Thank you all.

 

[SRL]

I agree this is way outside the norm for his age.

Shari, I'm aware that hypersexual behavior can go hand in hand with certain disorders, but was there any possibility of early molestation, or chance of his witnessing sexual activity at a young age?

 

[Shari]

SRL - not that I'm aware of or can even think of anyone he was with where it would be a possibility.

 

[busywend]

difficult children half-brother (who was adopted as well) has not been capable of figuring out these boundaries. He tries to touch as well. He has tried with her and with me. I know he has tried with his mom, too. He is 6, too. I have seen him go cross eyed looking at breasts (covered ones of course) with a goofy smile. I also noted that he mentioned his 'best friend' was a 13 year old girl and he wanted to invite her over to play. She probably does not even know his name, yet she is his best friend. It seems to come up randomly and it is not every time I see him that he acts like this. If he is otherwise entertained, no breast touching attempts are made.

It is difficult to know how to react to it. I am telling you this for your own information so you would know what to expect from someone getting touched by your difficult child. It just seemed so wrong that I felt angry immediately. His mother did get angry and yelled at him. Not sure what else one would do in the moment. If she had prepared she may have already spoken to him about it and could then cue him that he was being inappropriate. That would have calmed my anger immediately. I never said a word as she yelled at him before I could say anything. I do not know what I would have said - and I know this child. If it was a stranger I would have been more freaked out.

Just food for thought.

 

[Loving Abbey 2]

HI Shari,

Being in the child abuse field, the things you are describing do seem like big red flags that need addressing. Sexualized behaviors can be the one of the most difficult to "treat", so the sooner you find a specialized professional to assess and treat difficult child the better. Hang in there!

 

[TerryJ2]

Shari,
I am probably the last person to know, considering what I'm going through with-my son, but still, my son didn't do that in front of anyone. Everything he does is stealthy.

I agree, the cousins could be a great resource. If he ogles them or touches them inappropriately, they can give him immediate, loud, firm feedback. "That's rude!" "That hurts my feelings!" "What are you looking at?"
If he responds honestly, (i.e."Your breasts,") they can say something about how it is bad manners to stare at people. There are a few things you can stare at in public that are understandably and desirable, cars being one but this is a good learning age for him.

For now, the next time he does the self-grabbing and "woo-ie!" comment, I'd calmly tell him that is inappropriate (or a smaller word he'll understand) and send him to his room. You will have to do it repeatedly but I bet when he's alone too much he'll catch on.

Now, if only I could figure out what's going on with-my son ... we go to the child psychiatric in 3 hrs ...

 

[Shari]

Good luck, terry, hope you get answers

 

[witzend]

I had two older brothers, and one son. I did not see anything like this. They all went through their things when they were 14 - 15 years old. I have a very good friend with a son on the extreme end of the autism scale. He does not communicate at all, but he does touch himself, and react to himself, constantly. But you don't list anything about autism.

Your difficult child seems to be on an awful lot of medications. Is this a possible side effect of any of them? I agree that it needs to be addressed. Not that anything has necessarily "been done" to him, but that as he seems to be unable to understand the inappropriate of what he is feeling and doing, he may draw someone more innocent into his behavior, and that could be trouble that he may never understand.

 

[trinityroyal]

Sorry I'm a bit late on this one...

Shari, my Little easy child is about the same age as your wee difficult child and he is on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum, so I thought I'd weigh in with my perspective. This behaviour sounds outside the boundaries of normal. The issue with boundaries fits in with the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) stuff, but the interest in girls' hips, the thrusting and "woowee" etc. seems to be hypersexual in nature.

Some of this sounds like behaviour exhibited by my difficult child, who is both Aspie AND bipolar (and ADHD...sigh). He used to stare, and grab, and touch himself in public, and some of the other things you describe. difficult child didn't learn that his behaviour was inappropriate until he was well beyond the cute little boy stage, and got into quite a bit of hot water over things like grabbing a girl's breasts in the school cafeteria, etc.

I wonder if part of the reason that your difficult child's docs are having so much trouble figuring out whether it's one or the other is because it's all of the above.

Hope you find the solution before he outgrows the cute little boy stage.

Trinity

 

[Shari]

Actually, Witz, even tho the neuropsyche has declared him "definitely not on the spectrum" his psyche refuses to remove that as one of the potential diagnosis'es. She sees signs that point to Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The early behavior started before medications, tho it has certainly progressed. We have permission to wean him off the depakote, but he's just so unstable right now I'm afraid to make that change. He was stable for quite some time on this mix. (Frankly, til I got greedy and tried the Straterra - he was "off" before that, but that made it much, much worse).

Trinity, I wonder if you aren't right. Wish I knew.

 

[Wiped Out]

Shari,
My difficult child had hyper sexual behavior at a very young age. He masturbated a lot, probably as young as 3 or 4. He would do it where we could see him but once the dr. told him to do it in private (he wouldn't listen to us) he did start doing it in his bedroom.

I don't know if my difficult child still masturbates but he doesn't do it in public anymore. He does however often grab himself in front of us and make rude comments-he thinks he is being funny no matter how many times we tell him. This part though I'm not sure is hypersexual or just horrible behavior picked up from the playground at his school. His elementary school had lots of kids with bad behaviors and difficult child was a magnet to those kids.

So I would say it is not in the normal range of behavior. For difficult child the psychiatrist always felt it was part of difficult child's Bipolar.

 

[svengandhi]

I haven't read the other responses, so I may be repeating someone else's thoughts, but early sexualization can be a sign of childhood bi=polar disorder.