Deep Breaths AOG, Deep Breaths.
Come on, just work on calming yourself and breathing for a little while. It sounds like a totally horrible few weeks. I have been thinking and hoping things were not as bad as they sounded.
I know it is a hard situation. You really really really really NEED to be going to NarcAnon or AlAnon or Families Anonymous meetings. They will help you with this, as will we.
You simply have to know that you are not in control of what happens to difficult child 1. He is 17 an d you can't control his drug use or his alcohol use or his decision to sell drugs. If he is living with your parents (I am not sure if you are all still living with your parents) then by selling drugs he could cost them their home. If they lose their home then where will they go?
If difficult child 1 is storing the drugs in their home, or he is conducting drug deals anywhere on their property then the State can come in and use the racketeering laws to seize your parents' home - throwing them out in their retirement years.
If you allow difficult child 1 to stay in the home, then you are TELLING difficult child 2 that it is just fine to use and sell drugs. That all of the things you say about drugs being bad, bad for you, bad for the family, bad for everything - well, you are saying that that was all a lie.
Because if it was bad then you wouldn't let him live at home while he did it. This is the message difficult child 2 is RECEIVING.
I KNOW it isn't what you want to send. I KNOW it is not what you intend. Buti t IS the message he will receive.
YOu iwll also send the message that itis OK to break every rule, abuse every member of the family, because the individual is more important than the family.
You really have to call and tell the police that difficult child 1 cannot stay there because he is dealing drugs and using them and abusing the family and you won't tolerate him being in the house.
The people he is dealing drugs with WILLeventually hurt difficult child 2. Or worse, pull him into dealing as well. They may already have done so. difficult child 2 is 12 or 13, isn't he? That is the age where dealer like to get kids hooked. They like to ahve people who can be in the middle schools and jr highs and not stand out. It is quite possibel that one of difficult child 1's jobs for the dealers higher up is to get his little bro to sell drugs also.
If you have not already done it, it is time to search BOTH kids rooms when they are not at home.
I KNOW it is scary to think about what the juvie system will do with/for/to difficult child 1. But is it scarier than what the drug dealers will do?
You can't "save" difficult child 1. Only HE can do that. And right now he really doesn't want to. He may not want to for a long time. And that will hurt a LOT.
I am not saying not to love difficult child 1. I am saying try to be strong enough to love him in a healthy way. Love him enough NOT to enable his drug use, his dealing, his abuse of you and his brother.
Love him enough to let him hit bottom. Be there when he is working his way back up. But until he hits bottom there is NOTHING you can do that will help him.
Nothing except make him deal with the consequences of his actions. And that means turning him over to the police. Refusing to have him in the home. Telling the police and whoever else that you can't have him in the home because he is a danger to his brother and to his elderly grandparents.
This really really STINKS. It hoovers. It hurts. beyond anything else it HURTS.
But you are strong enough to get out of an abusive relationship. And you are strong enough to let difficult child 1 face the natural and logical consequences of his actions. You are strong enough to free difficult child 2 from difficult child 1 and his abuse.
Keep on breathing. Take it one step at a time. Instead of being afraid of the police car, see it as a sign of help. A sign of hope that your son will realize sooner, rather than later, that he needs help. I can't guarantee that juvy will be your oldest son's personal bottom. It might not be. But it is the ONLY step you have available, unless you want to wait and have them throw him into the adult system. As a minor you at least have SOME resources. They are not there for adults in the system.
I know what I counsel is HARD. I know it is a TOUGH, horrible, awful set of choices. I will support you whatever you are able to do right now. I truly will.
If you can't call the police, then PLEASE go to an al anon or narc anon meeting tomorrow. Don't put it off. Go to a couple of them if you can. You may also get a lot of help from the domestic violence shelter. They can give you counselling and groups to help you deal with all of this.
gentle, gentle hugs.
They were actually at a neighbors. It actuallykept her from running for that one day. 
