Where and when does it end?

[Littleboylost]

I empathize with you. I am in the same boat. Son is young. Coming off the drugs for the time being and trying to come off the pot smoking as well. He can always be up for a gathering of friends and to see his girlfriend. Can't get out of bed for work. As much as it kills me I let him sleep in today he insisted it was all good and had me drop him off for work. He was told they don't need him today. Big surprise there.

He wanted a hug and said he was sad and depressed I sad no, this is feeling sad because you screwed up. Your ride is not the problem,your boss is not the problem you are the problem. He will be 18 soon. If he does not attend school with regularity he will be on his own.

 

[MichelleLynnFl]

I have stepped up many times in the past when my daughter lived alone. She was starving, had not eaten for days. Not enough money for rent, money for an antibiotic, cat food, cat litter. Found out now that she is living with me that she used her pay for drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. So my thinking I was helping out only enabled her to continue to use her money for other things.

My advice? Hard as it is.....don't give in. No money..if your feeling absolutely powerless buy a tiny bit of food and take to him. No cash at all. As you see in my daughters case helping out only continued the cycle.

I too feel he is baiting you with suicide. Don't show your emotions when he mentions it, direct the conversation on what he is going to do positive in his life. Act as if you have no care in the world about it. The more he knows this will not stir you to action, the less he will use it.

My daughter when young was a cutter and then tried slitting her wrists in school. I freaked out over both things but learned if I react less....so do they. *hugs*

I think I already know the answer but I just need reassurance. After no contact for a week I messaged him that I love him, because I do and I couldn't live with myself if he did anything and our last contact was an argument. Now I have a load of mostly confused messages about how he has messed his rent up, destroyed his duvet and has no friends. I knew this would happen

Now I am conflicted about what to do, do I step in with money? Told me he had thought about suicide, even had a rope and that he wouldn't do it again. Said he is waiting for a mental health appointment, I have been begging him to do this for several years. If he is serious I want to help but I fear I've heard much of this before and I feel guarded. Should I wait until he really does start to help himself? What if he needs me with this part and if I don't help he gets lost again?

I am lucky that my parents are supporting me but also keeping in contact with him and trying to help. My mum gets it as her sister sadly killed herself after years of substance abuse and mental health issues. She knows he needs to help himself first. It angers me that they have to be involved in all of this but I really appreciate it. This hideous dance continues!!

 

[BusynMember]

There are free food pantries and shelters.

Drug addicts are NOT hungry and dont eat a lot!! If they want to eat there is food. Cut off all money. It will only go to drugs.

 

[Nessie]

I gave in, probably wrong but the right answer constantly dissapears!

He told me about something with a rope and when I saw him he has rope burns around his neck. Felt sick of course but also even more helpless.

He told me he is getting help and I so want to believe this. I told him he is now the only one who has the power. Went out tonight with my husband as we are both on holiday, headache down one side the whole time. I sat there and thought this is it, I'm going to have a stroke!! Anxiety returns and I am again powerless.

My daughter said tonight when she came home 'I worry about you mums, when you go to bed I think of you'. This makes me feel worse, she should not be worrying about me.

Despite this all, I take so much strength from you all. I do really think I may be changing my whole perspective on this. He probably cannot do anything now that will cause me more pain and I am sick of feeling guilt about it, he has the power.

 

[Littleboylost]

I have stepped up many times in the past when my daughter lived alone. She was starving, had not eaten for days. Not enough money for rent, money for an antibiotic, cat food, cat litter. Found out now that she is living with me that she used her pay for drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. So my thinking I was helping out only enabled her to continue to use her money for other things.

My advice? Hard as it is.....don't give in. No money..if your feeling absolutely powerless buy a tiny bit of food and take to him. No cash at all. As you see in my daughters case helping out only continued the cycle.

I too feel he is baiting you with suicide. Don't show your emotions when he mentions it, direct the conversation on what he is going to do positive in his life. Act as if you have no care in the world about it. The more he knows this will not stir you to action, the less he will use it.

My daughter when young was a cutter and then tried slitting her wrists in school. I freaked out over both things but learned if I react less....so do they. *hugs*[/

Nessie
I too struggle as I know my son has CD and has abused/is probably still abusing drugs +\_ alcohol. I fear putting him out of the family home. He has no relatives who will support him. My parents are deceased and my husbands family are all in England. I don't sleep, I am know on antidepressants. And through this group I am learning so many coping skills and getting so much support. My son started cutting and always said he was going to kill himself any time any issues arose about his behaviour. I have had the crisis team called 4 times and they left him each time. The last time he said he was going to kill himself I stayed calm and said either get on with it, go get the help you need or stop saying that. He has never said it again. He manipulates he has CD. I have made my decision I am holding onto him through out the last 4 weeks of summer and getting him back to school.

If he won't get out of bed for money the odds are slim that he will get out of bed for school. That's my gut instinct. By then he will have been through his drug charges and on probation. If he can't live with us they will find him a nice dwelling. If he doesn't go to school or gain employment they will pull his probation and he will either go to Jail or a specialized youth rehab for behaviour problems and substance abusers.

I love my son but I really really can't stand his behaviour or attitude at the moment!!

Hang in there you are not alone

 

[MichelleLynnFl]

This seems to be the pattern all of our children do to us parents, I am so sorry that you too are dealing with this. It amazes me how they constantly have energy for what they want, as you mentioned friends, but to do what we ask around the house goes ignored. Hang in there, I hope these children realize before it's too late that we are only trying to help.

I empathize with you. I am in the same boat. Son is young. Coming off the drugs for the time being and trying to come off the pot smoking as well. He can always be up for a gathering of friends and to see his girlfriend. Can't get out of bed for work. As much as it kills me I let him sleep in today he insisted it was all good and had me drop him off for work. He was told they don't need him today. Big surprise there.

He wanted a hug and said he was sad and depressed I sad no, this is feeling sad because you screwed up. Your ride is not the problem,your boss is not the problem you are the problem. He will be 18 soon. If he does not attend school with regularity he will be on his own.

 

[Snow White]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, Nessie. It is such a rocky road. They tug so hard at our heart that it is almost impossible to say, "No." I am working really hard on that but every, "I'm going to kill myself" call just sends me into a panic. Learning detachment is hard - for me, anyway but I am trying very hard, as I do feel that the power slowly comes back into my control when I can detach and say, "No. No more."

{Hugs to you}.

 

[Nessie]

Not heard anything for two days, feeling kind of sucked in again just wish it wasn't so.

 

[Littleboylost]

No lookkng back. Find the courage and strength to forgive your self and move forward. Develop a new detachment strategy to protect your heart. Because it sure is a big one and that's not a bad thing.