where to start

[lostinmidwest]

Hi.all newbie here and so confused, found this forum by chance and have been reading post. I and I think it could be very usefull to me and husband, our soon to be daughter is verbaly and agressively violent she is also very defiant with tantrum that last anywhere from 30 min to 2 hours, has to be in control at all times, if she is in time out in her room she i kicking throwing things and demanding that me or husband get to her room now or else.she is 5yo 6 in june. We are trying to figure out how we can help her she has had a psy. evaluation with no definit diagnosis we were told could be possible adhd but just hyperactive part, odd, pstd, reactive attachment disorder.daughter is seeing psychiatrists. who has put her on medications. daughter is in counseling 1x per week, most of the time out burst are just at home or around other family members not to often in public although has happend, she will yell at us that we are stupid, she hates us and wishes we were dead she does hit and punch us when she does not get her way. Wondering is there a way to get a definit diagnosis and what else we can do and where to go from here?

 

[tiredmommy]

First off, welcome. Is your child adopted? You want to make sure that you rule out physical causes first (my child's problems appear to be related to her allergies and asthma). Then, you will need to see a developmental pediatrician or neuropsychologist, they often have waiting lists and neuropsychs are often not covered by insurance. They can usually be found in large university hospitals or children's hospitals.

 

[BusynMember]

Is this a child adopted out of foster care? (We have one child that way). If so, expect a long and hard road. These kids come with challenges that biological kids don't have (nor kids adopted as infants). It may take a while to find out what is wrong, and I'd test her privately and by a neuropsychologist. To me, they do the best, most intensive, most accurate testing (and we've tried them all). We never had much luck with the diagnoses or "help" we got from the State. Was she exposed to drugs/alcohol in utero? If so, you have to wonder if she has any fetal alcohol effects. That you would see by her remembering things one day and forgetting them the next and not understanding consequences. That can mimic Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), which is in my opinion only often handed out to all kids with problems who are adopted. HOWEVER, I do think most older adopted children have some attachment issues--I just don't believe it is the entire problem. You have to also ask: Was she sexually abused? I was shocked to learn that most kids in foster care have been. I was fortunate that the son we adopted was not--he only lived in one foster home for two years with responsible people. Not all foster parents are good ones. We adopted two other boys (the adoptions didn't work out) who had been sexually abused and acted out on our younger adopted kids. We hadn't know about the sexual abuse, nor did the social workers! Or the child may be on the autism spectrum or have a mood disorder or have a combination of issues. Our adopted kids from foster care are very complicated and hard to diagnose. Do you know anything at all about the birthparents? We didn't have much info other than she was a drug addict who left our precious boy in the hospital after giving birth to him. Our son is a precious teen now, on the autism spectrum, but doing VERY well, so there is lots and lots of hope. But we had to keep plugging to find out what was wrong. Have you signed up for any adoption forums of kids with special needs? That helped me too.
Welcome to the board I look forward to hearing more.

 

[SRL]

Hi and welcome to our forum. I'm sorry that you had to find us but I think you'll find you'll find understanding and friendship here.

How much time did the psch who evaluated her spend with parents and child? Were any diagnostic tests done? As was mentioned, a neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician is the route many parents have found most helpful with the younger ones.

What's the family mental health history like?

Be sure and pick up a copy of the book "The Explosive Child". Many parents here have found a lot of help from the strategies in the book.

 

[Mandy]

I just wanted to say Welcome! I definitly agree with SRL that you should read the book "The Explosive Child". It's a great read! Sending you lots of cyber hugs!

 

[lostinmidwest]

Hi all, just wanted to update you on difficult child. She will be adopted from state foster care along with two younger siblings ages 3y and 10m,what we do know is problem. sexual abuse and neglegt, she has been in one foster home since removed from her home in 2006, that home has been ours. As for the psy. she has been seen by two different ones first only parents 30 min. tops second both for 4hours. We have another appiontment the 22, husband and I are going to request that she see a neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician. We are also going to see if she can get an appointment with our childrens hospital for a full work up. Srl your suggestion of the book The explosive child my husband and i found that and read a few pages on the internet and the sample that we read fit our difficult child, before i go I just want to thank you all for your help and support it is really hard for people to understand what a parent of a difficult child goes through in order to help give a difficult child as much as they can of a wonderful loving life.