Whoa--quite a mtn with-the PO yesterday!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jan 10, 2013.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I picked up difficult child at his girlfriend's house to go to his monthly PO mtng. First of all, he was supposed to come straight home on the bus, and instead, he took a different bus to her house because she'd been home all day, so he brought her math homework over. He's supposed to come straight home.
    I told him that we could pick up his girlfriend on the way home from the PO, they could do homework together, and then when I went out to dinner with-husband, I'd drop her back off at her house.
    He insisted that they were spending the evening together (8:15 instead of 5:45) and he ranted and raved at me all the way to the PO mtng. I almost slammed on the brakes and pulled over but somehow kept going. At one point, I told him I was no longer speaking to him, so he said, "Fine, I'll talk to myself." So he had this conversation about why he should be allowed to see her and what they would be doing the entire time (homework, chores) and then my part of the conversation ... think, Ellen DeGeneris with-a male voice, lol! I went from angry to almost bursting out laughing in 1.1 seconds.
    Then for whatever reason, I got angry again (he knows how to push my buttons and he said some cruel things) and when we got to the PO, they pulled a surprise drug test (he was fine) and the PO was so happy and cheerful--she's the one who said she wants to give kids a chance and everything is love and joy and butterflies--and I wanted to smack her--but she could see that I was close to tears and difficult child was agitated.
    He was doing the leg/foot tapping thing, his ears were bright red, his lips were pursed, he wouldn't make eye contact, all of that.
    "What's going on, difficult child?"
    Meanwhile, she's holding his grades, which contain two Fs and a D. He's got 2 wks left in this semester to catch up.
    He finally told her, and she completely, I mean completely changed her tune. This little (5'1") bundle of energy turned into a Prime Time Braxton Family Values episode. I wanted to shout, "You GO!":hi5:
    "Your FIRST mistake was taking the wrong bus."
    "But she needed her math homework."
    "Listen to me. I SAID your FIRST MISTAKE. Don't argue."
    He argues, then finally shuts up.
    "It is your reponsibility to take care of YOU, not her. Second, your mother is allowed and expected to express her opinion."
    "I never said she couldn't. But I get to express mine."
    "No, you don't. You need to keep it to yourself."
    "No BUT. You are so agitated today. I haven't seen you like this before. You taking any medicine?"

    She also said, "You've got to listen to the hard stuff and not overreact like you are. You've got to listen to the hard stuff."

    I'm sorry he was backsliding but I am so glad she was able to see what goes on behind the scenes. been there done that with-pediatricians, teachers ...

    She also held up the grades and said, "If my kids came home with grades like this, I'd be sayin' something. I'd be doin' something. This is not just your mom being mean. She cares about you and she cares about your grades."

    "No she doesn't."

    She went on to ask him what he wanted to do for work, and said that education, particularly higher education, is a must if you want any job that's not a dead-end. He insisted he could get where he wanted with-the grades he has, he can pull himself up by himself, he doesn't need a 504, totally into magical thinking and grandiosity. It really cemented my belief that he is bipolar. Plus, the b&w thinking and rigidity that goes with-Asperger's. :sigh:

    He listed why each of the grades was not exactly correct and what he had already done to pull up the grade, and blah blah blah, but he's stressed now because everyone is on his case and he's running out of time ... well, whose problem is that?
    I told that PO that we'd been trying to let him run his own show, at the urging of the teachers who wanted him to learn to function with-o our help, but as of the 504 mtng, we decided to go back to everything we did in elementary school: the timer, the assignments, taking the bus home immediately and all of that. She understood.

    The PO finally shook her head and started doing the paperwork, made another appointment, gave him her card and told him to call her. When she left the room to make copies, I told difficult child that he needed to take a clonidine because I was not driving home with the same drama we had on the way to the mtng. He said he wanted to do his chores really fast and still be with-his girlfriend and I said, "You have to meet me halfway. Take a clonidine."

    He did (in the car). We picked up his girlfriend and they folded 3 loads of wash, set up his work area for NILD, and several other things. He always works well when he's got an immediate goal right in front of his nose. Okay, and with-a bit of clonidine in his system. He ate, too, which got his blood sugar up.:hamwheelsmilf:
  2. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    I'm glad that the PO saw through to the root of it, too! Gives a small bit of validation.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Woah, you must be exhausted (so, how is that apt space looking now??)....

    He really is at the mercy of his immediate desires isn't he! Really good that the PO caught on to what was happening. You are one tough lady!
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. Not as tough as she is. Where can I sign up for lessons? :)
  5. Terry - That does sound exhausting. Phew! Glad you got through it ok.

    Good on the PO for seeing through him and for telling him like it is. Did it seem to make any difference for him? I always tried to see if a lightbulb (even a tiny one) would go off in difficult child's head at the therapy sessions we were going to. Unfortunately, there wasn't even a match being lit in there as far as 'getting it' went. Hope it was different for you.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure, welcome. He said that he threw up on the bus this a.m., but he went to classes. When I picked him up from school this afternoon, he said he hadn't eaten all day and didn't really want to go to his NILD class. I gave him a Gatorade and he said it tasted weird. Then he wanted to stop and get a burger. Hmm. I got the burger and a Sprite, but he did look a little green, and he said that the Sprite tasted weird.
    I'm wondering if it's nerves. He does not have a fever.
    He did fine in NILD, but I had him skip the food serving to the poor at church tonight, just in case it's a bug.

    I'll ask him specifically about the PO tomorrow, assuming he is feeling better.

    He does quite well when the therapist lights into him. Not sure what he thought of the PO.
  7. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I like that PO! :) Wow, your day sounds kind of like how it goes sometimes with Mr. Busy but on a younger difficult child without a girlfriend (the way of thinking/speaking). And....tomorrows another day....like the next and next. Happy that you made it through with a compromise and got what needed to be done. :)
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Tiapet, does your difficult child have conversations with-himself if you refuse to listen? It's funny in a way.