Why? Why on earth does he have to???

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, May 30, 2010.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My parents are in Europe with Wiz. My bro is supposed to feed their cats. We were told to use their house for baths until we can get our electric fixed (hot water heater circuit is fried). Not a problem for my parents.

    My bro called. Said to use his trailer because he is about to work on the bathroom. My mom has been renovating the bathroom for over a year. She wants it done HER way. She purposely has NOT asked my bro to help because she DOES NOT WANT HIS HELP. Period. She doesn't like how he works on projects on HIS time and no matter what you want he does it his way and gives you what he wants you to have rather than what you have asked for.

    I want no part of this. NONE. I don't want to know, be asked to help, nothing.

    But I DO know. He told Jess it is to be a "surprise" for my mom. From past experience I know it will be a very expensive surprise to fix or undo and will probably mess up the plans mom has for the bathroom AND the supplies and fixtures she has already purchased.

    Now do I call them in Europe to tell them? At $1 a minute? Or just stand back. He is trying to get me to tell him it is OK and I refuse to even speak to him. If I speak to him, no matter WHAT I say, he will tell them that I thought it was a good idea or that it was my idea to do some part of it (the part Mom doesn't like from past experience). By not talking to him I dodge some of that blame.

    He has already cleaned the house. They have a cleaning lady who was scheduled to come in twice and do what they wanted. He has gone through and rearranged mom's projects, papers and stuff. That alone is enough to send her into orbit.

    I guess I am in the clear. My dad just called to check on his kitties. He is having separation anxiety as he does anytime he is away from them for more than a day or two. He has awesome timing. I was debating whether or not to call them. husband and I had just decided to put something on Wiz' facebook wall about it.

    Now my dad know that I had nothing to do with it. So mom cannot blame me because he will have a cow. The usual pattern is that if I say nothing but knew, then I catch a lot of grief from my mom because I should have known to tell her so she could stop it. If I do tell her then I catch heat for not just stopping him myself OR for "tattling". If bro gets to mom first, the idea becomes mine even if I knew nothing about it and I catch the heat again.

    I don't know what my folks will do. Don't want to. I do know my dad said "Oh, SH**!) and didn't want to talk much more other than to have me say hi to his furbabies.

    I still don't know why my bro has to pull this kind of ****. He knows mom doesn't want him to do stuff like this because after every trip they tell him not to do it again.

    I know I sound rather paranoid in this post. But I am not delusional or paranoid. I really DO end up getting blamed for this stuff. It is why I have been staying away from my parents as much as possible for the last year or more. We are so much happier and more at peace when we don't have to deal with them.

    Thanks for letting me ramble. I was very close to having a panic attack. My bro and his nonsense are real triggers for me. Esp when I each of the times he has done this stuff in the past I have ended up getting blamed even when I had no clue anything was happening.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Susie - hugs. hugs. hugs.

    Can't they make him pay to undo it?

    Can you tell him - please not now - I know it's a surprise, but maybe there are better surprises???
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear.
    Wish I had some good advice.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Too bad your bro never seems to get the hint.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Wow, sounds really odd on your brother's part and very sad on the whole family dynamic part that parents have to
    assign blame to justify brother's behavior.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Have you said anything to your brother? Like, "you know mom and dad hate surprises, why would you do this now?"

    I would stay away as far as possible...

  7. Can Mom and Dad change the door locks to keep bro out of the house when they are not there? Not give him a key? Or does he live with them?
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh, he doesn't live with them. He lives in a trailer they bought for him to live in because his now-ex-wife's (B for simplicity) house was being foreclosed on. No way could they afford to pay rent on a house because at the time my bro was insisting on "running" his own business right into the ground.

    They won't lock him out because "family doesn't do that". That line is only applied to common sense things in regard to my bro. They have NO problem doing these things to me if they feel I am "out of line".

    At least my dad called in the middle of it - he will make my mom take some responsibility for not telling bro to leave stuff alone. He also will tone down her anger at me for not stopping bro. So it won't be as bad as it could be.

    I just HATE this kind of family feces. A huge part of me wishes I did not have a brother. At least not THAT brother.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Oy. Shame we can't pick our relatives, or choose the children we bear... that would simplify things a lot.