Hello all, I'm new to this site. A year ago I re-connected with an old flame from years ago, and we were married last month. Along with my adorable, wonderful new husband (who will be 81 next month!) came his 19-year old daughter, who lives with us. He has three older children, all married with children, so at age 62 I am suddenly a mother and grandmother; I never had any children of my own, and it's a delight to be welcomed so warmly to the family. I'm told that this youngest daughter showed signs of being "slow" from infancy, so much so that she repeated the first grade. She showed many signs of disturbances and limitations which only got worse when at age 12 her mother died after a long painful illness. This year she barely graduated high school. For years, she was (thank heavens) closely followed and carefully tested at school, with lots of intervention from the "Special Education" folks. Our state has declared her "significantly handicapped" so she gets help with training to ultimately be employable. We've already gone to Plan B, since Plan A turned out to be too hard. I spend a lot of time looking into possibilities for her. I feel bad to have to acknowledge it, but my husband (and his wife who died 7 years ago) over the years apparently did just about zero to help this daughter, alternately indulging her and ignoring her needs. He kept hoping her symptoms would just disappear naturally as she got older, tho now he sees that she's only gotten worse. By now, from a lifetime of walking on her tippy-toes, for instance, she is unable to walk any distance at all, her hamstrings are crazy short. I took her to the podiatrist, she had 8 weeks of physical therapy, $500 of special shoes. A few months on, she doesn't do the exercises any more, nor wears the special shoes. As a youngster, she only intermittently saw a therapist. In the last year, I've managed to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist -- dysthemia, ptsd, plus a list of other dysfunctional behaviors, a couple of which are in the category of self-harming. She's on Prozac now, sees a therapist. She has wildly uncontrolled eating habits, lots of pretty extreme secret eating, weighs 300 lbs. Her below-average IQ is not low enought to qualify for the help that more heavily handicapped people can get in our area. Her "learning disabilities" greatly limit her capacity to learn, the result being that her understanding of the world is wildly skewed, she misunderstands and imagines such loopy stuff, is afraid of everything under the sun; she is a sitting duck for whoever would like to take advantage of her. Her general demeanor is quiet and gentle; she sleeps a lot and is on the internet a lot. In general, she acts like a simple-minded 10-year old. She goes to school tho can't bear the stress of more than 2 lightweight community college classes. No friends, no interests. She cries a lot, I hug her and give lots of "pep talks" which she responds well to. Further, her personal hygiene and grooming is revolting, and she just plain seems unable to learn how to wash properly so she smells bad. She is unable to look at herself in the mirror (an example of one of many dysfunctional behaviors) so the greasy unkempt hair is a real problem. She also pulls her hair out (and eats it) so there are bald patches. Overall, we have a good relationship, but it is so draining on me. And I worry -- how will she ever get hired anyplace? I wouldn't hire somebody who looked and smelled like her. Is she really incapable to learning how to wash and shampoo, or is she being lazy? How is it that she can work a computer, cell phone and car and not be able to shampoo? Frankly, most days I just want to be alone with my husband, without the huge stinky and spooky girl lurking over us. Which makes me feel embarrassed that I'm not more generous-minded, I wish I could more easily accept the situation. I'm hoping some of you will understand. Got any coping suggestions?