DeKalb Daddy, the sixteen year old is acting dangerously. I am wondering if she was adopted or if her early years were abusive, neglectful or very chaotic and if she could possibly actually have reactive attachment disorder. I mean, CD and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) have the same symptoms, but I am just curious. After all, you are rather old (like me) to have so many young kids. So adoption crossed my mind. I have adopted, and did have experience with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Adopted children, especially those who were exposed to substances in utero and those who were in foster care a long time, tend to have many very difficult problems that are very hard to treat, if they even CAN be treated. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and CD basically mean antisocial personality disorder, only the child isn't old enough to be labeled without a conscience yet.
It is perilous to live with somebody like that, even a teen, as we had a nightmarish experience with an eleven year old that we adopted. He is no longer in our family. I've adopted four of my five kids, although one isn't really my kid anymore. He took off years ago and I never see him. So he is no longer in my family either, really. He was six and adopted from another country. Both of them had reactive attachment disorder/conduct disorder/lack of empathy and consciences. We have four adult children. Three were adopted and are great kids, but they did not have horrible times before we adopted them and came very young. There's a difference.
If your children were not adopted, I am guessing they haven't had nurturing, loving early years and still may not, perhaps NOT DUE TO YOU AT ALL. Probably due to bio. mom. Something is off here.
Are you sure your sixteen year old will not be a threat to YOU? YOU matter too. It is NOT just about your children. You have a life to live and deserves happiness and a wonderful retirement when the time comes. At your age, and my age, we need to be mindful of our health, rest, stress levels...we want to be around to dance at our children's weddings
At some time we need to decide that we matter as much as our children. If your daughter is too dangerous to live in somebody's home, why would she be safe in YOUR home and why would YOU be safe with her? Have any pets? Expect the worst. She threatened to k ill her siblings? How do you know you wouldn't be in danger too? WE adopted a kid who liked to kill pets, but he put on an act that he loved them. He also sexually abused our younger kids. The day we found out was the last day we saw him.
He put an end to our adoptions. That scared us. We still do have three wonderful adopted children and one biological young man who is more of an issue. Had our share of grief for sure, but have decided that our lives (hub and me) were going to be peaceful, loving and quiet and free of toxicity.
If Mom is younger why can't she take care of the children? What's up with that?
I am sorry you are experiencing so much stress and obviously are somehow feeling that you need to take a dangerous child, who is nearing the end of childhood, instead of letting her get the 24/7 residential care she obviously needs. Is somebody giving you a guilt trip? Do you REALLY want to do this? Because you don't HAVE to. You can say that you feel the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would better meet both of your needs.
Honestly, I get tired of thinking of all of that. I think it may be different if I was 41 or even 51, but at 61? I'm selfish about my life. I want it to be a good one with lots of happiness. Not grief and chaos.
