Yeah, I know this should PE instead of SA but.....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by DDD, Jan 25, 2013.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm a but conflicted today and easy child/difficult child (a/k/a difficult child#1) is the cause. Maybe, lol, I am the cause. There's no doubt that I do not like giving up control with my children...especially, the boys. My oldest son and I were very close. He married a girl who became pregnant (been there done that so I can't be too judgemental) on purpose (not me, lol). Over the years a bunch of stuff happened and my daughter in law managed somehow to get easy child son to bond to her at the exclusion of his family. Neither I nor anybody else attempted to "claim" him over her. They are both in their very early 50's and when he is away from his wife he is "our" kid and when his wife is present, he is a "dull but polite" stranger.

    Now..:sigh::sigh:easy child/difficult child is in his first serious "relationship". He is living with a woman who is almost ten years older than he and she is completely committed to them being a couple. How committed, you ask??? She honestly uses his last name on FB as if it were hers. WTH? Yeah I remember in middle school writing out my name with some kids last name BUT at 34?? Isn't that bit nutso?? Plus if SS disability ascertains he is married or presenting as married his monthly payments will be reduced. Yuk!

    Well, my whine of the day, boils down to "having to accept the things you can not change". Truly I say the Serenity Prayer at least once a (or sad to say) I'm having a hard time this week guys. As you know he and I have been searching for a house he can purchase outright. It is really important to me to know that my Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) kid has a home of his own in the future. We may have found an affordable house that will close in February and he will have a few thousand left over from his disability settlement.

    YIKES! His girlfriend has alot of influence on him. He feels protective of her because she has had a hard life. OMG...she is choosing all new applicances that they can buy for the house AND wants (or has already convinced him to "charge account" ALL new furniture) for the 2000 sq. ft. house. I used my very best skilled sales voice to explain to him that there were plenty of "new used" applicances and furniture available in our community and that the only thing that they needed as "new" was a bed. My kid said "Mama I understand what you are saying but X has her heart set on new and we don't want to live with tacky stuff." YIKES, again.

    I am praying that I can be grateful that he is no longer a practicing alcoholic. I am praying that I can accept that a joint before bed is not the end of the world. I am praying that he truly understands that his disability payments are for a single person. on the other hand........guys, I think I'm heading down that same blankin' path that I traveled over two decades ago. I know that I can not change everything but it really is a bummer to accept that I will soon have to accept that I no longer am the more important influence on easy child/difficult child. Rats, how I wish his girlfriend was less determined to "show the world" that she has finally made the expense of my much loved Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) son. Whine. DDD
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh DDD, I feel for you and I understand. I don't think there is anything you can do and I too couldn't accept it. You've gone so far and above to try to protect him and now it's time to let that kite string out...{{{hugs}}}
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh dear, it must be so hard watching this unfold and not being able to stop it. I know you tried so hard to make sure he was settled in a home he could afford and you moved mountains to get his disability payments. I'm sorry. I guess it is time to accept the things you cannot change and trust he will be ok but I'm sure that is very hard to do.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for understanding. He (so far, lol) still sees us almost every day and does sincerely care for which I am thankful. I just have to accept that once he owns his own home that he will follow in his GFGmom's footsteps of getting everything available "on credit" so there is instant gratification. If he had a girlfriend who was more cautious I know he would be agreeable to one step at the time. The girlfriend unfortunately has some "issues" and is almost pathetically eager to show the world that she is living successfully. If she were to lose her job they would be up the creek as she is suppose to take care of all utilities, gasoline etc. .... that's how short the margin of $$ error is with-o household furnishings "on credit" in his name as she has very bad credit. Yuk! End of whine, rant. All I can do is my best and I have done so. The Home Inspectors come Thursday and if there are no major problems the househunting will be over and by March lst I hope to be free of any SS financial oversight responsibilities. Yeah. DDD
  5. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I send you hugs and hope that you are able to stay off the path you want to avoid. I have no
    experience here just empathy.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's a son of a gun path. LOL! But today he came to the house after volunteering to "man the store" so husband and I could have two days off...(have I mentioned I love the PIA with my whole heart???) and told me "girlfriend is really searching the net to cut down our expenses". Phew/Whew! Does it make me feel "all better"??? Heck, No, LOL! But in the deep cockles of my heart I love this little PIA with 100% I can give. Evidently she has downsized from six grant to three grand. Whoopie! DDD
  7. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Oh sheesh, DDD. Sometimes you just have to pick your jaw up off the table when they say something. All brand new appliances? Doesn't want second hand stuff? Hang in there, my friend. Hopefully things will work themselves out.

  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Sigh, I wish our difficult child's would realize that we as their parents only have thier best intrests at heart. If they truly did know that, then our advice would be something they'd absolutly slisten to and mostly act upon. I know how you worry over your difficult child. I truly hope that reasonable caution will direct him rather than girlfriend pleasing. -RM
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tell him to check on Craig's list. We looked in the higher end neighborhoods for our dining room and kitchen tables. We got great stuff (that we NEVER would have bought ourselves - we couldn't afford them) and at great prices!! I understand new bed and maybe even new couch....but if it is leather you can wash it.....and leather is way more expensive!