Young difficult child finds another enabler...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, Nov 4, 2013.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    It's kind of a full circle type deal.

    See, I grew up not knowing my bio dad until I was around 17 when I met him. My mom and he divorced when I was 2. My grandmother (before she passed) told me about my bio dad. That he was abusive and an alcoholic.
    Well, when I met my bio dad...I also met my half sister.

    The half sister and I are facebook friends. She and I always had trouble relating to each other because "she loved my dad"...where as I never really knew him. Even after I met him he disappointed me and then some 4 yrs ago, half sister contacted me and wanted me to visit the bio dad in the hospital...I did, mostly for her.
    Bio dad died a month later.

    Soooo...daughter in law (after young difficult child got out of psychiatric hospital) contacted my half sister and told her that young difficult child had "burned all his bridges here" and could he please come stay with her and her family. Lo and behold my estranged half sister, said YES...even with a smiley face!

    And even stranger...Young difficult child is the spitting image of our bio dad.

    Well, today, half sister texted me via facebook and wanted to know why young difficult child had been in the hospital? Was it his back, depression? Then, she goes on to tell me that young difficult child had a prescription for Hydrocodone that they got filled for him and "should she be checking the pill bottle to make sure he doesn't take too many"?

    Oh my...It is already starting again.
    I feel for my half sister. I know young difficult child can be such a sweetheart...but he is a user and abuser of pain medications and people! I told her the truth...That he was in one hospital for his back (to get pain medications) and then sent to psychiatric for "depression" and that she is NOT responsible for overseeing his addictive problems. I thought I had told her well enough on the phone the other day when she called me...sigh, but apparently not.

    She will soon find out why daughter in law and husband and I cannot live with him like this.
    ps...I think my half sister took care of my bio dad through most of his life too!
  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    She may be the type of person that "needs" someone to take care of? I hate getting dragged into GFGness, though - especially when it is under someone else's roof. Just so stressing. I think you handled it very well...

    *How far away is it from you?
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Some people enjoy trying to fix other people and don't understand that they can't. That's how they end up being 60 years old with a 40 year old difficult child child who is still living off of them, stealing, using, etc.

    in my opinion it is not your problem. Eventually she will catch on first hand and she will do whatever it is she wants to do. You can't control or save her any more than you can fix your son. difficult child's are good at sniffing out enablers and finding people to couch surf with over and over again. If it wasn't your half-sister, it would have been somebody else. 36 did this after he made the decision to leave our house rather than not swear and push me. The parent of one of his only friends, who took him in, called me up to yell at me for "making him leave. Your own son! What kind of person are you?" Two months later, she kicked 36 out of her house.

    Live and learn, that's what I say about those who enable our abusive difficult children.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Actually, LMS, I really don't know what to say. Honestly I am thrilled that he is not in your home or in your City. I'm hoping he got permission to relocate from his PO..sigh. It's encouraging to me that his SO took the initiative to make contact and evidently encouraged him to go. I'm hoping your phone won't be available for him to provide a daily update on his new efforts so that he can "own" them.

    I guess the bottom line in my mind is that this "could" provide some clarity for difficult child. I will continue to hope and pray that he is able to make progress. Only time is going to tell. Hugs, my friend. DDD
  5. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Oh wow. I don't know what to say. I just hope it all works out in the end. :-/
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    How are YOU doing, my friend. Have you been able to detach a bit and go on with your life while difficult child is exploring yet another option??? My thoughts and prayers are with you. DDD
  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    It seems like the difficult children get blessed with a lot of charm. It gets ugly after they use it all up and the wide eyed boyish impish grin conflicts with a 45yo difficult child's bald spot and bit of paunch- but young difficult child has a long way to go until then. :p

    On a more serious note,I am glad your son has landed somewhere safely and is out of your own hair for a bit. I realize his wife is an enabler but it's also evident that she really does love and care for him. Maybe a fresh start with his aunt will be a bit of the change he needs.

    How are YOU feeling? I hope you are well and I wish you some peace in the days ahead. Xo
  8. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Please forgive me for not responding sooner...someone forgot to pay Internet bill. I'm using my phone at the moment.
    I am fine. Y'all are so sweet. I will post further once we have Internet on home computer again. Love y'all,
  9. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Yay, back on the internet!

    PG...Yes, it is getting to be stressful already. I think they live about an hour or so from me...near the next city over.
    Today, Half sister called me with "questions". She wanted to know first if difficult child had any clothes? Well, I told her he had clothes in a bag in the front seat of his truck last I knew and he has clothes in two boxes in our garage. But apparently he is wearing the same thing every day!

    She also said he drinks all of her husband's beer, lol. I warned her. I told her he was an alcoholic.
    She said they gave him a job the other day and that he didn't complete it...that he sleeps most of the day away and stays up late. She told me she noticed too that his registration on his truck has expired. She wanted to know if he had any tickets and I told her about the no Insurance ticket I understand he got and also a surcharge fee. I told her if he gets pulled over, he is likely to go to jail. No insurance in Texas is a BIG no no.

    Anyway, her husband was going to get him a job at his company but is now having second thoughts...I don't blame him. difficult child is doing the same thing he was here and then at daughter in law's mother's home...Using and doing very little to be productive.
    Half sister told me that she didn't think this through when she offered him a place to stay, sigh, he's a difficult child! She has two productive daughters and I think my young difficult child is a bit more than they bargained for.

    Meanwhile, lil grandson Joey had his 6th birthday party yesterday! He has this kind of "far away" look in his eyes when you look at the birthday pics of him at Chuckee Cheese. I wonder what goes on in his sweet little head...does he wonder why he doesn't have his dad there? I did get on to young difficult child the other day on the "actual birthday" for not even calling him or his wife (who's birthday is the same day!)

    I took daughter in law out on Friday night to the casino...helped dry up her tears.
    She has waited 6-7 yrs for young difficult child to get it together and help them live as a functional family.
    Yet, his best seems to be "emptying the trash" at half sister's house.

    I have to admit, I was relieved that young difficult child had a place to go...with "family".
    But now it would appear that he is quickly wearing out his welcome.
    I have NO IDEA what the future holds for him.
    This is getting old.
    I am feeling a bit anxious.

    ps...DDD and all, I keep you all in my nightly prayers. Thank you for being here for me and caring about us.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Not too surprising, LMS. Sorry. Are you still accepting calls from him? I'm hoping that YOU can get an emotional rest during this new placement. Hugs DDD

    PS: Not to be negative but ?? does she understand that addicts lie AND steal? Raising easy child's she might not realize that valuables need to be locked away. Sigh! I'm still sad and angry that some special jewelry disappeared some time ago.
  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi DDD,
    Yes, I'm still accepting calls from him. In fact, he called me this morning and was very sweet.
    I saw on half sisters facebook that she had said "somebody just shoot me" and I thought she was referring to young difficult child so I said, "sorry". She later said, "It's all good".
    Then, she posted a picture of young difficult child from the Army...and said how proud she was to call him "family".
    So there ya have it...Jekyll and Hyde. You never know if he's gonna wake up to be a sweet lovable guy or an irritable ungrateful brat. She did let me know yesterday how similar ALL of this is to our bio dad. I think she feels like she's got the bio dad reincarnated, lol.

    But yes, I did warn her on our first phone call to be SURE and put all valuables and medications away in their safe.
    Sad, we have to think of everything...but we've been burned before and have learned our lessons, huh?

    Love you DDD,
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Amen! DDD