I'm so tired of being lonely...feel like running away

[DammitJanet]

Pam, like Fran, I do remember you from way back and you are so different now than then. I think you are somewhat like me though when it comes to the making friends in the real world. Not all that easy. I have casual acquaintances but no one I could call to get together with for anything. It is really hard. Lonely. People who make friends like they pick up chocolate simply dont get it. I can make casual conversation and be nice but its all surface stuff.

I so badly want to have just one friend who do something with me. I think that is why I clung so hard to Keyana because she was my buddy. She loved to do things with me. She was happy laying up in bed with me when I was in pain just watching tv or playing with her toys and dolls. She loved to go shopping or to Monkey Joes where she could play for hours and I could hang out on the computer while she could play. We got along even though she was little. She just loved and accepted me warts and all. No one else does.

 

[HaoZi]

MWM, even being mostly anti-social, closer to the holidays gets to me, too. Mine also live too far away for frequent visits. Even my boyfriend lives too far for frequent visits (which is also okay with me most of the time). I get it as much as a loner can (even if Kiddo is around all the time) and I know seeing families out and about and reuniting over the holidays digs it in a little deeper.
*hugs* again

 

[AnnieO]

MWM... I saw this post last night and I wanted to clear my mind before I responded (decongestants and antihistamines are nice, but they make a person foggy)...

I understand the feeling lonely. You can have kids, husband and even other family around and still be lonely. Even if you're not a people person. I'm not. I have a few friends in real life, but mostly? I just don't like people. I like my board family - because I can not read if I'm not in the mood. I can vent about the stupid/silly, ask inane questions, or whatever - and you all accept me.

But sometimes... Sometimes being in my own head is a killer, literally. I have to BE with someone. I need that interaction. It's not always possible to do that. I come across as confident, self-assured... And I'm not. I'm shy - I hate meeting new people. I don't include the cashier at Kroger, the attendant at the toll booth - that's not a meeting, it's an encounter. But I digress. A couple years ago, we had the board gathering in Cleveland, and it was all I could do to be enthusiastic about setting it up - getting away from the mess at home was what I needed (and I ended up bringing it with me... LOL)... But... The one thing that made it easier was I'd "met" so many people here. I bet Hound, Stang and Janet can all tell you I looked ready to bolt for the first hour or so.

And... Like the others have mentioned... When I first found this little haven... I posted about something I caught Onyxx doing. One of your posts was very concise and to the point. (And right.) And I learned from you - sometimes sugarcoating does not work and saying it like it is, is the best thing. From that point on, your insight became one of the things I hoped for when I posted.

I feel as if I do know you. And I, too, wish you were closer. We'd hop in the car for a "road trip", no destination in mind. Your pup could definitely come with us! Funky little diners and kitschy tea rooms, or whatever looked interesting.

 

[buddy]

YES Step, a road trip!!!! I'm IN!!! (dont we wish)

 

[Nomad]

Mwm...I'm not crazy about admitting it, but I too have problems with loneliness. Actually, I think it is a fairly common problem. I suspect that somehow the way our society has emerged in the last decade with such emphasis on things rather than people and technology in particular, it is actually slightly worse now than ever before.
Some little things that I have found helpful...keeping the tv on OFTEN. In particular, talk shows!!! Sounds goofy, but listening to folks talk is reminscent of the old days, when people (women!!) use to chat in the backyard (or wherever) about current events/life.
Other things are more typical...joining a group, going to the gym or some other place regularly so that you see some of the same folks regularly, volunteering, etc. If you don't have a job, you will almost have to create/re-create situations where you meet folks regularly...see friendly faces regularly for conversation.
Make sure your medications and/or vitamins are in good shape.
Some vitamins that I have found profoundly helpful for me include: D3, B Complex and Fish Oil.
Sometimes, you'll just have to get out of the house...go to the library, etc.
Oh and I love the idea of a road trip. For years, I always made sure I had two trips planned a year...one in the winter and one in the summer. This way, there was always something (even if it were a little trip) down the road to look forward to.
Seek the advise and care of a therapist if you don't feel better soon.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi again.
Thanks you all.
I am really sorry, but I think my rambling did not make myself clear.
What I miss is a family that I can spend holidays with. Since the few people in my family are scattered, I usually have very quiet holidays, although I do go in early to see my daughter and sister (with Jumper and Sonic). But then we go back home to share Thanksgiving/Christmas with husband and, if Jumper decides to have Thanksgiving somewhere else, how sad is it to only have a holiday with your husband and one autistic son who will be upstairs most of the time? Oh, I know some people have nobody, and that REALLY makes me feel sad, but right now I'm feeling sorry for MYSELF, and I can't help it. I wish we could volunteer at a homeless shelter on Thanksgiving, but we can't because around here there isn't one...lol. Can you believe that? It's true.

This makes me feel cold inside...and empty. I'd rather we all live closer and spend time together...the few of us. And it's not just on the holidays. I'd love to be able to see my grandson or run to my daughter's house, but I can't. We are separated by distance and my husband doesn't think we an afford to leave where we do now and move back to Illinois (plus he's not sure that at his age (55) he can easily get another job. And Jumper just loooooooooooooooves it here and Sonic is used to it, although he could probably get services anywhere. I did once have a few family-like close friends and THAT is just as good as family. Taking classes, socializing casually, going to the gym...that is not t he same as feeling and being connected. I am just on a big pity trip and dang it: I WANT TO GO HOME! I WANT TO GO HOME TO ILLINOIS! I don't care if it's a two-horse town, I live in one now. I want to be with the few people who really matter...and a lot closer to my son and grandson too. Yes, I want to go home...and bring everyone with me.

by the way, Fran, I am the same now as I was when I first joined. I am always very uncomfortable at first then I loosen up and can be me. But it takes a LONG time.

Anyhow, there is no solution for my wanting desperately to go home; to being homesick. I do take short visits, but can only afford two times a year for maybe two days each. And right now it is killing me, emotionally and physically. I am so sad I can barely write this post. The holidays are the worst times...it's not the darker weather or anything and this isn't one of my clinical depressions. This is a real sadness that I feel there is nothing I can do anything about.

Thank you for letting me vent though.

 

[DDD]

Hugs. MWM. I have a little different perspective on your post. I do understand what you are saying. on the other hand, I think you are going through a natural series of emotions that many many Moms face...even those who are extroverted. in my humble opinion you have just realized this year that your life is changing and before long you will no longer be "needed" on an hourly basis to parent. Jumper's slowly moving toward more independent living and I believe you are mourning in advance because you've realized that in the future you will be leading a different lifestyle. Even though it is sad and scarey I think it is a good thing to be experiencing those emotions now.

Allowing yourself to "feel the future" at this time means you can take your time preparing for the next stage of your life. All the ideas shared by CD family members are good ones. Take your time exploring what "you" might enjoy. You can't stop the changes from happening but you can incorporate one idea or activity that will help you get in touch with yourself...not the Mom self...but your real self so the future will have an additional focus. The "empty nest syndrome" is real. Alot of us miss our adult kids and wish they were closer geographically and emotionally. You're a step ahead because you won't be blindsided. by the way, it is also "normal" to see your husband in a different light at this time because almost all of us don't stay intimately in sync with our husband's. Life revolves around the kids and then when they are around less you look at your spouse and think "who to heck am I married to?"

I'm sending big understanding hugs your way. Take your time and I am positive you will find a path that enhances your life. DDD

 

[BusynMember]

Thanks, all. Strangely, I feel sort of connected to a few people on the board...Step, you are one, not sure why. Maybe because you connect well to everybody...lol. Yes, I am blunt. But I am blunt because sugar-coating something in my opinion doesn't work. At any rate, it's not how I am; I try to get to the point, but I don't mean any harm. I really DO try to help.

Mostly, I am upset about family. I don't mind not having a lot of friends. But my friend who died of cancer, was so awesome. She was like my sister. We called each other sisters and we spent all our holidays together.

I am not quite sure exactly WHAT I'm upset about. I will have to muse over everyone's posts. I hope to feel better soon. Right now...I am in a funny mood...and I hope it doesn't come through if I try to give advice to posters.

 

[Marguerite]

Family is what, where and how you make it. It is not necessarily blood ties.

As kids get older, they move away emotionally and physically, This is normal and generally means we have done our jobs well.

Holidays are good to spend with family, but if that is not possible (it seems this year, for example, we will not see easy child & SIL1 at Christmas and this year that means no seeing grandbaby on Christmas Day either) then you make the holiday whenever you DO have the opportunity to spend time together.

Skype. 'Nuff said.

Holidays when you are otherwise alone - volunteer to serve the holiday meal to others who are even less fortunate than yourself. Look up "Streets of London" lyrics. You still have Jumper and Sonic, even if Jumper is distracted and Sonic is aloof.

And finally - you are a skilled, published writer. Instead of immersing yourself in studying, why not teach a class? Formal qualifications are not needed, when you clearly have enough capability and life experience. Join a local writing group and offer your services.

As a writer, use this. Go for a walk and take your notebook with you. Sit and write out your feelings. Really immerse yourself. Then put them into a character and weave a plot around it all. I write my best stuff when I'm emotionally stirred up or dragged out.

Marg

 

[Lothlorien]

I don't have anything special to say. The other posters have given you great advice and support. Just want to offer you some hugs. I have very little family where I am now....big family that I really want nothing to do with nearby, but that's another story. I miss that.

Maybe you can skype with your sister during Thanksgiving dinner. It might sound a little silly, but it might keep your mind off not having a big family dinner.