I am glad you got to see him and realize that you were pining for something that wasn't there, so that you can grieve for it and move on.
This is NOT a healthy person or a good, loving father/husband/friend/person. Just isn't. Justify what you want about how he is with others - these are his faults and not yours and his rules/limits are NOT because he was adopted late or whatever. The circumstances of his birth and early childhood MAY have made him worse, but something was very wrong to begin with. I know you have an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) child and S's behavior is not like your other child's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It is still Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
I am willing to bet he is a lot more like the hubby in sleeping with the enemy than just wanting everyhting perfectly neat. He has those rules for you to just make a phone call. There is NO WAY that he doesn't have these rules for his wife, child, inlaws, and everyone else in his life. He also will make darn sure they know they better kiss his feet and lick his boots for the privilege of following his rules because he makes so much money for htem.
I know you likely cannot see this in him. I just know too many people like that and it is not possible for them to be a loving parent or spouse or friend. The world must conform to their rules and if something is wrong in their world, even just having an off day, it is because someone in their world didn't follow the rules perfectly enough. And that person gets punished harshly.
I am sure he told his wife lies about you as a way to isolate her from your side of the family. Her parents moving in, likely from china or wherever, will only last as long as they do hwat he wnats and attempt to make no contacts outside the family and the church members they approve of.
I think he threw away a blessing when he tossed your love and family away. You can now spend your love and attention on the four children who love you and are your kids. Just be SURE that you ahve a will that specifically says that he is lelft nothing or even better from a legal standpoint, that he inherits the sum of $1. Some states won't let you cut a child out completely no matter hwat and adoptive children count the same as bio children for that rule. So leaving him a dollar shows you thought of him, that he wasn't forgotten, and you didn't want him to have naything. It takes away all grounds for him to sue for a part of the estate. Even though he has a lot of money, he seems to feel you owe him something and he IS the type to go after it - repayment for those bills he didn't pay but has likely convinced himself he did on some level, if nothing else.
This is NOT a healthy person or a good, loving father/husband/friend/person. Just isn't. Justify what you want about how he is with others - these are his faults and not yours and his rules/limits are NOT because he was adopted late or whatever. The circumstances of his birth and early childhood MAY have made him worse, but something was very wrong to begin with. I know you have an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) child and S's behavior is not like your other child's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It is still Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
I am willing to bet he is a lot more like the hubby in sleeping with the enemy than just wanting everyhting perfectly neat. He has those rules for you to just make a phone call. There is NO WAY that he doesn't have these rules for his wife, child, inlaws, and everyone else in his life. He also will make darn sure they know they better kiss his feet and lick his boots for the privilege of following his rules because he makes so much money for htem.
I know you likely cannot see this in him. I just know too many people like that and it is not possible for them to be a loving parent or spouse or friend. The world must conform to their rules and if something is wrong in their world, even just having an off day, it is because someone in their world didn't follow the rules perfectly enough. And that person gets punished harshly.
I am sure he told his wife lies about you as a way to isolate her from your side of the family. Her parents moving in, likely from china or wherever, will only last as long as they do hwat he wnats and attempt to make no contacts outside the family and the church members they approve of.
I think he threw away a blessing when he tossed your love and family away. You can now spend your love and attention on the four children who love you and are your kids. Just be SURE that you ahve a will that specifically says that he is lelft nothing or even better from a legal standpoint, that he inherits the sum of $1. Some states won't let you cut a child out completely no matter hwat and adoptive children count the same as bio children for that rule. So leaving him a dollar shows you thought of him, that he wasn't forgotten, and you didn't want him to have naything. It takes away all grounds for him to sue for a part of the estate. Even though he has a lot of money, he seems to feel you owe him something and he IS the type to go after it - repayment for those bills he didn't pay but has likely convinced himself he did on some level, if nothing else.