I can't tell you what it is...........except what you just described was my husband to a T. Not so much in his younger days, actually.......it was a rare event in his younger days and that was when like Jo said, he was over stressed. But as he grew older, it got worse and more frequent. By the last several years.......and menopause hit ME, I wasn't taking it or listening to it and I threw it back at him. Now much of the time I could do it either with humor or in a civil manner. But c'mon, it gets old. So, there were times I threw it back way worse than I got, and it hurt his feelings. So I tried to explain this is how everyone else felt when he acted like the darn grump bear no one could please. And he'd do better for a while, then it would start again.
Poor Travis got the worst of it, even when he didn't know about it. (because a LOT of times I refused to let husband go there) Travis should be doing this or that or this or if he did do something husband wanted done it wasn't done right or fast enough or whatever. Now for one, much of the things he was asking Travis to do the boy had no business doing due to his vision. husband knew that but somehow would forget, until I'd point it out and put MY foot down he wasn't cutting off an arm or foot or whatever to please husband. Many of the other things? Travis had pretty much stopped doing because most of the time husband was supposed to be helping and instead he'd stand around and criticize and do nothing. He'd only do things if I asked him to. Which of course made husband even madder. ugh
Now, the last 2 yrs husband wasn't even working.......and I swear it got even worse.
But looking back and knowing what I now know for certain about husband's health during that time, I'm thinking that was the cause for the grump from hades behavior. husband was a hypochondriac to be certain, but on the rare occasion there happened to be something truly wrong with him it scared him silly. And when husband was scared, he lashed out at EVERYONE. And those last months.....and omg the 10 days after he got home from the hospital were pure hades on earth for anyone around him. One minute he was fine, the next he was off on a rant, then he was fine again. If I called him on it, which I did cuz I was sick of listening to it.....he'd stare at me like I had lost MY mind. Lack of proper O2 saturation, decreased blood flow to the brain (coronary artery disease) and renal failure can really mess up rational thinking depending on the severity which can vary from day to day. (and no, I had no idea of the renal failure until he was in the hospital for the heart attack)
I wish like heck Tony had good insurance and would go get a complete check up, and I do mean complete.
In the meantime, give each other time to get used to life without Buck there 24/7 and settle into somewhat of a routine and see if that helps. If not, the talk may be in order. But I would be wanting to know the why behind his behavior recently........as that might cause you to look at it differently. It doesn't change that he has behaved badly, but it might explain it to where you might be able to understand.
And after living with my husband, I know all too well hard utterly hard it can be to look past the behavior and try to determine if there is a cause.
((hugs))