Steely,
I'm going to try and answer your question the way I believe it. People may or may not agree with me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I do not think that there are accidents in the world. If someone is blessed with a difficult child, it is because they are the ones capable of dealing with the difficult child. So and so down the block does not have a difficult child. Not because her life if so much better. Because there is no way she could handle it. However, don't trick yourself into believing that just because someone seems to have it better means that they really do. Some people are much better actors than others.
What are we supposed to do with all this extra pain? No, not stuff it. We learn from it. We deal with it. We work through it. And we become better people because of it.
True, there are some people who have it pretty easy. And are miserable their entire lives in spite of it. There is a difference between happiness and joy. I may not be happy every day of my life. My life is a very hard one. I struggle to make ends meet. But I have joy in my life. I make a conscious decision every day to make the most of that day. I smile at everyone I see. Some even smile back. Some don't Who cares? It didn't hurt me.
If everybody were able to put their burdens in a bag, and everyone laid their bags in a pile, and then we were all given the chance to go pick anyone's burden's we wanted, we'd all end up picking our own again. Nobody is capable of living our lives but us.
It's a mindset. I look at my dad, bless his heart, and he is the most negative person I know. He complains about everything, and if there is nothing to complain about, he goes looking for something. He's a curmudgeon. I love him to death, but I find it harder and harder to just hang out with him. I'm far from being sally smiles a lot, all ready to pump sunshine up everyone's butt, but I really have my mindset to look at everything with a positive spin. Things are the way they are, no matter how much I complain. So why waste the energy? Acceptance is key.
Yes, easier said than done. My turnaround came with several years of being in a 12 step program, but anybody can do this. It's a mind set. This is how things are? Fine. Now what can I do about it? Live in the solution instead of the problem.
Lots of hugs to you, my friend.