So my Adopted/Stepdad has called 3x's today...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by totoro, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    He adopted my older Brother and I when my Father took off and then took us when my Mom abandoned us and later killed herself. He was very abusive and a drug addict. He sent me to the hospital once and beat me up a few times. Him and my Mom were into some very weird things, lots of drugs and sex things...
    He told me she wanted to leave right after she found out she was pregnant with my little half brother, which was right after they were married. They stayed together for a few years though. Drugs...
    He also remarried quickly after Mom died, to a drug addict, who did some horrible things to and with both of my brothers...

    Anyway he beat me up one time and I said that was it! I was leaving, I was 13yo. He told me I could find my Father or go to a foster home. I found my Father, big mistake!!!

    So adopted Dad and I reconnected years later, he had a big break through and needed to apologize for everything. We have made our peace...
    So we talk and send cards etc. A few times a year. I think he is kind of happy, haunted but happy. He does not talk to my older brother. Older brother is too messed up, younger brother is messed up still also, just found out he is expecting another kid...
    So he called today to see how we are, we were talking about life etc. He asks alot of questions about K and me...
    I was telling him the Symptoms of my Cyclothymia, he asked if I had any when I was younger. I said " Oh yeah"... I said but it didn't help that L, my Father, did drugs with me and taught me how to freebase, and let me have sex with his friends... etc
    I told him all about the junk L did with me from 13-17 when I moved on my own, and how I continued into my 20's and how hard it was to reach that point to want to be a better person and strive for something...
    So we ended the phone call, on a good note.

    He called me back 3rd time and was crying... he said he was so sorry for abondoning me and he had no clue he let me go into that life. He thought he was letting me leave to go to a better life, because my Father had money he would take care of me... he said he was ashamed of himself that he couldn't do better for his kids and he still feels we are his kids.
    He said he should have protected us, it was his job.

    It was a very touching phone call, I told him while he was indeed a horrible Dad, not many Men, would step up and adopt 2 kids that were not thiers, have the woman who they loved dearly leave them, keep the kids, while she commited suicide and still try to raise the family. I said it was admirable. I told him he would not be who he is today nor I... I have forgiven him. I said we all learn, we were all suffering and angry at that time.
    I told him he came from a horrible place, went to a horrible place, yet he has made a wonderful life for himself with a very nice lady now...

    I thanked him for the phone call, and said my own Father can't admit his own mistakes you are a much bigger person than him.

    Everytime I think I am done with all of this stuff... something new.
     
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow that was moving. Thanks for sharing your story toto.

    Nancy
     
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am speechless.

    First, I had no idea what a sad past you came from. Hugs for the little girl inside you.

    Nancy is right. What a provocative, moving post. Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

    Best to you and yours this holiday.
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow.
    I hope that is healing for both of you and helps you both move on. You're both in a much better place than you could be, all things considered.
     
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Toto,

    You handled this with a grace & dignity that I would find difficult, given the circumstances.

    I hope you have a blessed holiday today. :angel:
     
  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    What an inspirational story.

    You have overcome so much. You are a true survivor.
     
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Thank you everyone... this is heavy on my mind and your kind words make it lighter. husband said last night, "You know, you get over all of this stuff, but it will always be there and it keeps coming back, I don't think it is done yet. I think your family is not done, they will keep coming back when they need to get something out or release something. I am waiting for your Brother's big break down, we are in the middle of your Dad's and then your half Brother's, don't trick yourself into thinking you are free of them."

    I thought his words were so true, he is right, they come back to me for some reason. I am the pne eventually they all come back to.

    I am sorry if I said too much or upset anyone by posting too much detail... I guess I needed to get it out.
    I have both of my Dad's tugging on me...

    My Mania is edging up for the past 3 days...

    I have it under control I think though.
    We had 2 extra people ask to come over last night. A friend who lost his Mom on Thanksgiving and his Girlfriend. Of course. The rules apply though... K is not doing well... so our house is difficult child friendly!!! We don't care if anything is perfect and neither does our company!!!
    Low stress... low expectations...

    I can't do that to my unstable kid!!!

    Happy Thanksgiving...
     
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Just wanted to send hugs...... It is amazing the power of healing a father can have on the soul.........even one he damaged........his words of apology can go far and deep. I am so glad that your s-dad was able to muster the courage to cross that divide.

    Peace
    Willow
     
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    When you've had a past like that, you can really appreciate the rest of your life. Those words will make you feel better for a long time. He said he was sorry, and he's ashamed. As he should be. I had a really abusive mother, and father. No one would ever say sorry. It's the worst, cowardly, thing to be mean to a kid. I hope you're having a good Thanksgiving.(((HUGS)))-Alyssa
     
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Totoro,

    While it may be true that your family isn't done with you yet - I think you need to give yourself credit for moving to a place mentally, physically, spiritually that is so far removed from what you endured and overcame.

    Like moths to a flame - you are their light. I'm glad you have to power to do so.

    Thank for sharing
    Hugs
    Star
     
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