feelinghelplesss
New Member
My son started his freshman year of college last fall. He turned 18 in July before going off to school (at a Big 10 university). Never had any drug/alcohol issues while in high school. Side note: his dad and I are divorced but have a very good relationship. I'll list the issues since started college:
First semester issues that I'm aware of:
1.) In Oct. 2010 he was arrested for possession of marijuana. (had court appointment. atty--charges were dropped and he paid court fees $60)
2.) Later that fall he got an alcohol violation for have it in his room. ($700 fine)
3.) He got a "D" in a class of "unintentional plagiarism." (That was the official ruling, don't really understand what that is.)
Second semester:
1.) A second alcohol violation in room resulted in a choice of another fine or moving out. His dad and I made him move out of the dorms and in with his dad who live just 3 miles from the campus.
2.) Another D for failing to attend discussion groups for one of his classes. He didn't think it mattered if he went.
3.) Two days after returning home for the summer, I find a joint hidden in his room along with paraphernalia (a cutter, papers, and most concerning - a paper towel tube stuffed with scented dryer sheets to mask the smell of smoking in the house.
4.) Lost his summer job because he failed the drug test.
AND NOW two nights ago he was pulled over for "no reason". The cop made him blow in the tube and he register a zero for alcohol. The cop then suspected weed, said the car smelled of weed, said my son's eyes were red, his knees were shaking, all signs of being high. My son passed the sobriety test except for the shaky knees (of course he was scared out of his mind). The cop put my son in handcuffs, impounded MY car and took my son to the hospital for drug tests. We have to wait 2 months before we get the results and know if he'll be charged with anything. We do know that it will come back positive for weed. Son says he smoked the night before the incident, but not that night. True?? I don't know.
Question? What the heck do I do with this kid? Clearly pot is having an unbelievably negative impact on his life, yet he says it's "fun" and he doesn't know if he'll stop. AFTER 2 ARRESTS--doesn't know if he'll stop!
Here's the irony: he's a very respectful responsible kid at home. He cleans his room and makes his bed everyday. He's up by 9 or 10, showered. He's nice to me and everyone in the family. Other than these obvious issues, I would NEVER suspect anything was going on. So his dad and I are at an absolute loss of what to do. We are thinking we may make him take a year off of college...but then what could he do? He may not be able to get a job because he can't pass a drug test.
Of course he's just like a lot of kids who say pot isn't as bad as alcohol and it should be legal. I don't know because I've never smoked pot. I really don't know what to say to that other than that's irrelevant because it IS illegal and "you've been arrested twice because of it!"
Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Or any advice and where to seek help would be great too!
First semester issues that I'm aware of:
1.) In Oct. 2010 he was arrested for possession of marijuana. (had court appointment. atty--charges were dropped and he paid court fees $60)
2.) Later that fall he got an alcohol violation for have it in his room. ($700 fine)
3.) He got a "D" in a class of "unintentional plagiarism." (That was the official ruling, don't really understand what that is.)
Second semester:
1.) A second alcohol violation in room resulted in a choice of another fine or moving out. His dad and I made him move out of the dorms and in with his dad who live just 3 miles from the campus.
2.) Another D for failing to attend discussion groups for one of his classes. He didn't think it mattered if he went.
3.) Two days after returning home for the summer, I find a joint hidden in his room along with paraphernalia (a cutter, papers, and most concerning - a paper towel tube stuffed with scented dryer sheets to mask the smell of smoking in the house.
4.) Lost his summer job because he failed the drug test.
AND NOW two nights ago he was pulled over for "no reason". The cop made him blow in the tube and he register a zero for alcohol. The cop then suspected weed, said the car smelled of weed, said my son's eyes were red, his knees were shaking, all signs of being high. My son passed the sobriety test except for the shaky knees (of course he was scared out of his mind). The cop put my son in handcuffs, impounded MY car and took my son to the hospital for drug tests. We have to wait 2 months before we get the results and know if he'll be charged with anything. We do know that it will come back positive for weed. Son says he smoked the night before the incident, but not that night. True?? I don't know.
Question? What the heck do I do with this kid? Clearly pot is having an unbelievably negative impact on his life, yet he says it's "fun" and he doesn't know if he'll stop. AFTER 2 ARRESTS--doesn't know if he'll stop!
Here's the irony: he's a very respectful responsible kid at home. He cleans his room and makes his bed everyday. He's up by 9 or 10, showered. He's nice to me and everyone in the family. Other than these obvious issues, I would NEVER suspect anything was going on. So his dad and I are at an absolute loss of what to do. We are thinking we may make him take a year off of college...but then what could he do? He may not be able to get a job because he can't pass a drug test.
Of course he's just like a lot of kids who say pot isn't as bad as alcohol and it should be legal. I don't know because I've never smoked pot. I really don't know what to say to that other than that's irrelevant because it IS illegal and "you've been arrested twice because of it!"
Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Or any advice and where to seek help would be great too!