Well, difficult child's have cajones thats for sure!

[Lil]

OMG! I'm so tired of my own histrionics.

I sent the following:

I'm sorry I told you to call tonight. The answer will be no and it's not right to make you think any discussion will change it. You need every penny for bills, food, court cost. We can't tell you how to spend, but we don't have to help you do it either. So I'm sorry, but K will just have to find his own way. If he takes the bus, I might pick him up at the stop. That's all I'm willing to do. I hope you understand that we're not just being mean. It is just how it is.

His response:

I understand and I already got it taken care of. His dad agreed to drive him the rest of the way.


I was so sure he'd throw a fit I've been stressing about it all frickin morning!

 

[Lil]

I put a special ringtone for my difficult child - " let me call you sweetheart" because she is anything but lol.

I used to have his ringtone set as Stewie from Family Guy: Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mama, Mama, Mom, Ma, Ma.........

I took it off because it was too accurate. I tend to keep my phone on silent or vibrate anymore.

 

[Hope_Floats]

I used to have his ringtone set as Stewie from Family Guy: Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mama, Mama, Mom, Ma, Ma.........

I took it off because it was too accurate. I tend to keep my phone on silent or vibrate anymore.

Omg that was my ring tone for a long time too, just for laughs. Then it ceased to be funny.

 

[Jabberwockey]

I put a special ringtone for my difficult child - " let me call you sweetheart"

I understand all this, just pointing out that it doesn't necessarily stop it. I quoted this because Lil used to have a special ring tone for him before she had to do a hard reboot on her phone. It was Stewie from Family Guy, the episode where he decided he liked his mom. It was when he tried to wake her up to tell her he loved her. The ring tone is simply him saying mom/mommy over and over and over again! We need to get that back for her phone and mine although it wont help with the home phone which is what he called last night. Several times we have turned the ringers off on all phones just to get some quiet. He actually called us on all three phones at one point at about 2am because he felt it was too cold for him to walk home. Luckily for him our cell phones were in the other room and the land line in our bedroom was broken. He would NOT have liked that...well, I wont even call it a conversation because that requires two rational individuals. Think the Drill Instructor from Full Metal Jacket right before he gets shot and I would have started off with the "What is your major malfunction?" comment and it would have gone down hill quickly from there.

 

[Lil]

because Lil used to have a special ring tone for him before

You apparently haven't seen my post. I embedded the Youtube clip of Stewie. lol

He actually called us on all three phones at one point at about 2am because he felt it was too cold for him to walk home.

In point of fact, it was the night he thought the people at the "meth house" were picking him up because he had his suitcase and stuff and they didn't and he couldn't get anyone to give him a ride until like 4 a.m. to the shelter.

But yeah...it wouldn't have been pretty.

We figure if he's been in an accident or it's a real emergency, someone will call the police and they'll come to the house and ring the doorbell. Otherwise it can wait until we wake up. We don't get enough sleep as it is.

 

[Jabberwockey]

In point of fact, it was the night he thought the people at the "meth house" were picking him up because he had his suitcase and stuff and they didn't and he couldn't get anyone to give him a ride until like 4 a.m. to the shelter.

No, it was just a couple of weeks ago. He called the home phone as well but I had disconnected it due to the broken cord. I actually asked him about this because he didn't leave messages on any of them, just called from one to the other.

We posted at the same time about your ring tone. Unfortunately, I cant see the You Tube video because work wont allow that content! I didn't realize it was over that incident though. Thought you'd lost it on a hard reboot.

 

[Lil]

I was so sure he'd throw a fit I've been stressing about it all frickin morning!

Really, it's like he has me trained to walk on eggshells. I just so expect a confrontation that it makes me nauseous and a hate it. I should NOT have to feel this way about my son. That's actually one reason I changed the ringtone. It got to when my phone rang my stomach actually clenched...whether it was a good call from him or bad. (Most were bad, I admit.)

Last night after his call I actually said, "I just want this to go away. I want HIM to go away!" Then I felt all guilty. What kind of person says that about their kid? But really, a single call from him can put me in a bad mood for hours! It's so unfair to Jabber.

 

[Lil]

No, it was just a couple of weeks ago. He called the home phone as well but I had disconnected it due to the broken cord. I actually asked him about this because he didn't leave messages on any of them, just called from one to the other.
We posted at the same time about your ring tone. Unfortunately, I cant see the You Tube video because work wont allow that content! I didn't realize it was over that incident though. Thought you'd lost it on a hard reboot.

I didn't realize he'd done it a second time! How do I not know that? Did I not notice? The only time I remember is the meth house time.

Or maybe I'm just losing my damn mind...always a possibility. I swear I get more forgetful every day.

I did lose it on a hard reboot. But I didn't put it back on purpose.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Then it ceased to be funny.

Yeah, kind of like Pavlov's dog in reverse. We started cringing every time we heard that ring tone. The whole "Oh God! What now?" reaction.

 

[Jabberwockey]

I didn't realize he'd done it a second time! How do I now know that?

I know I told you because I remember telling you I'd have gone ballistic on him. Maybe you just thought I was bringing the other time up again for some reason?

 

[Hope_Floats]

OMG! I'm so tired of my own histrionics.

I sent the following:

I'm sorry I told you to call tonight. The answer will be no and it's not right to make you think any discussion will change it. You need every penny for bills, food, court cost. We can't tell you how to spend, but we don't have to help you do it either. So I'm sorry, but K will just have to find his own way. If he takes the bus, I might pick him up at the stop. That's all I'm willing to do. I hope you understand that we're not just being mean. It is just how it is.

His response:

I understand and I already got it taken care of. His dad agreed to drive him the rest of the way.


I was so sure he'd throw a fit I've been stressing about it all frickin morning!

Wow, Lil, I can so relate to this. I also got tired of my own histrionics.

AND I over-talked everything, trying to make myself feel better, but in the process diluting the message.

I learned, and you will learn, to stop at the word "either", or "find his own way". The last four sentences show hesitation, a weak spot, an opportunity to get something from you and then more. Why did you feel the need to do that? You've already said you're not willing to do any more, then you say, in relation to ANOTHER difficult child, that you're willing to do SOMETHING, but, as usual, nothing more. That always leaves the door open to see how much there actually is left. Any good negotiator knows never to leave money on the table. Heck, to give difficult children credit for being smart, I learned that in an MBA level class.

It also, if I can be so honest as to say, Lil, I think lowers his respect for you. And that doesn't help him. (Another lesson hard learned after reading my own difficult child's journal. Sigh)

I would ask myself why I have to tell my difficult child what I "might" do for his friend, if x, y, or z happens.

Lil, I know it's hard to see, and maybe it isn't even there....maybe it's just my out-of-context skewed perspective, but I observe that not only does he believe that HE can still take advantage of your (in his opinion weak) kindness, but he can still pimp it out to his loser friends as well.

I like you and jabber a lot, even though we haven't met. Please don't be used. Especially by people you didn't birth or ever agree to take responsibility for (difficult child's friends).

 

[Lil]

Omg that was my ring tone for a long time too, just for laughs. Then it ceased to be funny.

Yeah...ours actually used to do that on purpose...imitate Stewie. He's actually pretty good at it. So the ringtone actually kind of sounded like him.

That made it worse.

 

[Lil]

The last four sentences show hesitation, a weak spot, an opportunity to get something from you and then more. Why did you feel the need to do that? You've already said you're not willing to do any more, then you say, in relation to ANOTHER difficult child, that you're willing to do SOMETHING, but, as usual, nothing more. That always leaves the door open to see how much there actually is left. Any good negotiator knows never to leave money on the table. Heck, to give gigs credit for being smart, I learned that in an MBA level class.

Hmmm. And I thought the problem was that I was allowing myself to stress out over his reaction to the no...

I'll have to think about that.

 

[Hope_Floats]

Hmmm. And I thought the problem was that I was allowing myself to stress out over his reaction to the no...

I'll have to think about that.

I think maybe that's why we do the over-talking.....we're so stressed about how we think (or know) that they will react to the no...

That we start back-peddling before we've even said it.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Really, it's like he has me trained to walk on eggshells. I just so expect a confrontation that it makes me nauseous and a hate it. I should NOT have to feel this way about my son.

Why do you think I started hanging up on him when he started arguing? Why do you think he calls you instead of me? He knows there's still a little bit of sympathy to be had from you and he is trying to milk it for all its worth. And I know you realize this and are trying to deal with it. Its just that I'm still walking on egg shells too, I've just finally got pissed off enough that I'm using the bull in the china shop method and stomping on them!

 

[Jabberwockey]

Yeah...ours actually used to do that on purpose...imitate Stewie.

Still not nearly as bad as when he was doing Cartman!

 

[Lil]

, I've just finally got pissed off enough that I'm using the bull in the china shop method and stomping on them!

You? Be anything but subtle? Say it isn't so!

You just had to find a use for the little knight emoticon, didn't you? LOL!

 

[Hope_Floats]

Matthew 5:37. Let your yes be yes and your no be no.

Sounds like pretty good advice to me.

 

[Lil]

Still not nearly as bad as when he was doing Cartman!

I don't remember Cartman...maybe it's drowned out by his imitation of Towlie...

Although Towlie wasn't actually an intentional imitation...it was just HIM.

 

[Jabberwockey]

I don't remember Cartman...maybe it's drowned out by his imitation of Towlie...

That's because I shut the Cartman thing down quickly.