How do you deal with the hurt and shame when your brother or sister tells you not to bring your children to visit because they don't want their kids contaminated by your difficult child's behavior? I've been crying since I got off the phone with my younger brother in Virginia, who asked me not to bring my two difficult children and the younger easy child who is actually a Terrible Tween to his daughter's confirmation this weekend. My brother's kids are really wonderful, innocent, respectful, smart, great kids...and he wants them to stay that way. So do I. My brother was at my house last June when my oldest had her graduation party. She invited two girls who smuggled in alcohol and got horrendously sick all over the place, in front of all my neices and nephews and out of town relatives. When everyone left, my brother asked my son, difficult child 2, to be kind to me and don't give me a hard time. So what does my son do? He waits til I go to bed, then invites a boy I've never met before over to smoke weed in his room downstairs. I catch them and throw them out. I have a big mouth and I tell my brother everything that is going on at home; what I don't tell, my mother fills him in. He knew that my youngest refused school three weeks ago and the school sent a cop to fetch her. He thinks she is doing this regularly and doesn't want his youngest daughter, who is nine, to think this is a good thing to do. It's just that when the criticism comes from a loved one, it hurts so much more. I don't think the younger two will be disappointed that we aren't going; my oldest will freak out and cry and whine and feel sorry for herself. When I tell the kids that we aren't going, I'd like to tell them the truth so they will understand how their behavior impacts other people, but I don't know how to do it without sounding like I"m blaming my brother. How do you do that? has anyone here been in this situation with family members and gatherings? I have never felt so low as a parent before, and the worst part is that I understand why my brother told us not to come. It's his daughter's day, and even though my kids tend not to act out at other people's homes, I can't guarrantee they won't say or do anything that their uncle and aunt would not approve of.