3 1/2 year old boy, major issues arrising, need advice.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bjh19, Oct 4, 2011.

  1. bjh19

    bjh19 New Member

    I found this site while trying to find information on what is normal and what is not, My son is 3 1/2 and he is a little background on his life. I was with his father until he was just shy of 2 years old...

    Very verbally abusive realtionship between me and his dad. When we seperated it was an ugly dispute at first but we finally worked things out and we split our time with my son 1/2 and 1/2. I just recently got married in may to a wonderful man, Which was a big adjustment for my son because my husband has a 2 year old who is completly opposite of my son. My step son is all boy, very rough and tough, my son is opposite. always been very loving and sweet and hugs on everyone. About three months ago my son started showing some signs of something going on... At first he all of a sudden became very very defiant, Telling me "No i dont have to" " I dont like you " "Im going to my daddys and never comign back" thigns like that, My son loves my husband he calls him daddy and everything On his own we never told him to call him that he just done it on his own, His dad hates it and always gets onto him for it but my son doesnt care he still does it, My husband is very strict on the boys, they know they have to mind when he is home. they dont push to far, he is def. the strong one im not i let things slide and they know they can run over me.

    Well my step son is a biter, my son within the past few months started biting kids at daycare which he has NEVER done so I assumed he picked it up from when he is around his step brother, well then the past month or so I found out he also has started pooping in his pants at daycare when its his daddys week and maybe once or twice on my week... About a month ago we went on vacation and my son told me that one night at his daddys he watched a movie on tv where two girls took there clothes off and a boy took his off and they were kissing each others "Boobys" .... I absolutly froze, I didnt know what to do, so I started asking questions "where was daddy" and so on, he says he was in daddys bed and daddy was asleep....

    So what I came to the conclusion of was my son sleeps with him still (he sleeps in his own bed at mommys house) and he must have been watching a porn after my son feel asleep and then feel asleep and my son woke up and seen it? I told myself that and kinda just brushed it off... well today daycare calls to tell me that my son first tried to pull a girls pants down. she resisted and told on him and he got very angry and embarased about it and said he done it because he wanted to. Then about an hour later he pooped in his pants.... He has been potty trained since before he was two. Also my sons father works night shift and actullay only has him three of his seven days he tells me that my son stays with his dad (my sons paternal grandfather) .... the other nights.

    Im scared to death and I dont know what to do... could this be stemming from all the changes in his life or is it something more serious that I need to seek help to find out if something is going on? Thanks for any feedback.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I don't want to alarm you but this is sounding VERY eerily familiar to what I dealt with only there was no "dad" period. Don't make assumptions or accusations but I just want to share our story with you. I found out when my sons were 3 that they were sexually molested by my 15 year old babysitter. I don't know how long it had been going on because she had babysat for me for over a year and my sons didn't have a very big vocabulary. I KNEW something was wrong because difficult child started having night TERRORS and wetting the bed. He had also been totally potty trained at 2.

    You need to have him seen by a child psychologist or a therapist that deals with kids that MAY have "sexual" issues. It may only be his suggestibility and being exposed to porn or it may be something more. If I were you, I would rather be safe than sorry.

    The biting is more than likely learned from step brother so I wouldn't worry too much about that. Welcome to our little corner of the world. You will learn a lot here and will get more support than you will know what to do with. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}}
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think your son has been through too many changes in his young life and he understandably isn't dealing with it well at all. In three years he has had two daddies, one daddy (his real one) who is upset with him for calling your husband daddy and now he has a very rowdy, possibly troubled stepbrother. Normal kids don't bite a lot. He is certainly picking up some stuff from his step-brother, on top of dealing with living with you half the time and Dad half the time. I once read that this is a very bad and confusing arrangement for kids...the half and half bit. I don't know if it is or not, but imagine being three years old and being moved around that much, inheriting a new added father and a boisterous step-brother too. I think it would be a great idea if all of you, including biological father, got into therapy together. This poor kid has not had a chance to have a quiet, peaceful childhood yet. His life has been chaotic. He needs to be able to have consistency. I'm wondering if only one of you having primary custody would calm the chaos down. If you say bio. dad is abusive, it should probably be with you.

    Also, I agree that his behavior with pulling pants down. suddenly pooping in his pants again and talking about seeing that porno movie could cause issues and sexual acting out...really, you need to get Dad to sit down with all of you in a clinical setting and all of you need to listen to what is best for this child. And your stepchild too, although the stepchild isn't going from Mom to Dad...still sounds like he has some serious issues.

    All in all, I do think that you can get this worked out, but not on your own. I think you need a professional to help ALL of you (as in every single one) in order to come up with a good plan for your child. He may also benefit from seeing his own therapist (your child) to see if there is any sexual abuse going on...he is unlikely to talk about it in front of your entire family. There is a lot going on in this child's little world, and he needs in my opinion to be able to settle down and just be a kid.

    (((Hugs))). It can and should get better. Just don't take it upon yourself to fix it...you can't do it alone. Keep us updated.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Ditto. I like this resonse. Big Hug to you too. You also have gone through huge changes and I am sure it is hard to have this great family you are working to put together have such struggles. Keep checking and finding answers. Mostly reassure him, spend time with him, let him know there is nothing he can't talk to you about. Make happy memories while you are working on all of this if possible. Much love and care,
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I agree with the others that you need professional help for everyone involved. There are both signs of anxiety and sexual acting out and neither should be ignored. You need to protect your son.

    Start keeping a log of behaviors, records of reports from school, visits with dad, etc.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Agreeing also here...one thing that you must be very careful of: be careful about any questions that you ask him. Trained professionals have a certain way of getting any information from a child that they need without leading the child and potentially creating false memories.

    Sounds like you're heading in the right direction!