Former desparate mom
I have to agree with Witz but it's interesting to hear a different spin on things.
in my humble opinion, a healthy balance of all of these things is the best way. Any parenting method to an extreme is probably not the healthiest. And we have seen time and time again, what works for one of your children may not work for another one, even in the same household.
I think it is difficult to balance parenting with a difficult child. I tend to swing myself to whatever is working best at keeping peace in the home at that point in time. Seriously, I have had so much success with detachment it is not even funny. It may seem like I am less involved, but actually I get much more information from my difficult child when I am detached.