5 Year Old Referred for Hospitalization (Mental Health)

[Wiped Out]

LoonyAlana, I am sorry things remain so rough. I do know what that is like, kind of like living in a battlefield on a daily basis. For years, we lived that way. Have you applied for any programs in your state that could help provide respite. we were able to find one when difficult child was at his worst and it was a tremendous help. Sometimes it was only for a few hours (we would seriously go home and nap) and other times we were blessed to have weekend care. It was a huge help.

Sending some gentle hugs your way.

 

[LoonyAlana]

So far, all the places I've contacted in my area either
a) want money just to have access to their services (and we're living hand-to-mouth, paycheck-to-paycheck)
b) Are for either older, or younger children than his age
c) simply suggest we 'rely on family and friends'

Considering the closest family member is still hundreds of miles away, we've lost most of our friends and the one or two we have left wouldn't babysit even if we offered a winning lottery ticket, and apparently many of the programs are still financial based. Despite being poor, we're still above the financial line (usually by about $50-$100) to be eligible for most programs. We're up creek without a paddle every way we look at it. The only possibility on the horizon is once school starts up again in approx. a month, I plan on talking to the district social worker again to squeeze her for knowledge. Anything and everything she can find, we're going to explore if we can. But, all the school district employees are on summer break right now... so, still kinda stuck for now. We at least have things like a local food bank that we can visit, and thank goodness I have insurance that covers his psychiatrist visits. So, I suppose I am hopeful that come September or so, we might be able to find some sort of respite care. It's 'recommended' by all sorts of medical professionals, but the 'how to pull it off' is never a concern of theirs.

 

[amelia d]

LoonyAlana,

I am new to this site and sought it out because of an older daughter with possible substance abuse issues. Nothing to do with your situation, but you really touched my heart. I read your old posts. Not judging, but..Do you realize (I'm sure you do) that you have been facing this nightmare for over 6 months with no improvements? What legitimate reason does your husband have for not wanting him hospitalized? I can't imagine the pain and disorder your life is in (and has and will continue to be in). I just think that if all the professionals involved in your son's care and treatment plan are encouraging inpatient evaluation; what's the dilema? Your life is miserable, your son is miserable, the school is NOT equipped to step in and correct (or even tolerate) extreme disciplinary issues, CPS is involved and the wheels have officially come off the bus. Your son's behavior has escalated to the point that he is threatening with sharp objects, and seems to comprehend that they will cause pain to you. This meets the definition of "being a danger to others". Document all outbursts (video if possible) and find every advocate you can to get him inpatient treatment and insurance to cover it. This situation is only going to get worse, especially in a public school setting. Our society has become increasingly intolerant of any perceived threats to others; especially in the elementary school setting. Do not wait for the school year to begin and expect that these problems will resolve themselves. Your child will be expelled and you will be required to either home school or provide private education. Neither of which it appears you can afford. Your "respite" will be getting the diagnosis and treatment he needs. Every state has programs designed to evaluate children with special needs. Contact teaching hospitals, the National Center for Early Childhood Mental Health , county and state programs to offer ideas, referrals and programs you qualify for. You need to advocate, advocate and advocate for your son's needs. If he is now threatening you, imagine the nightmare you will be facing when he threatens, or harms a classmate at school.

On a side note, I have been party to emergency commitments for teens and adults (from a paramedic position). These generally become highly traumatic situations for everyone involved; often ending in restraints used on the patient. If you think you may be heading in this direction, understand the laws in your jurisdiction. Also, research the facilities that best meet the needs of your child. Some jurisdictions are required to transport to specific facilities, which will only complicate the situation.

I wish you peace and hope for yourself and your family.

 

[TerryJ2]

{{hugs}} LoonyAlana.
We just got back from the psychiatrist. My son is 17 and is taking Desmopressin. It really helps with-bladder control. We got very worried when the 1 pill he was taking at night no longer worked, but the psychiatrist said take two ... and so far, it works.
He said that most (99.9%) people outgrow it. He wasn't sure if it was muscular, nervous system or what, but he said it can spontaneously just happen. That made my difficult child happy. Who wants to go through life like that?
I agree with-the others that your difficult child has anxiety issues, but I see a bigger picture with-the bossiness and the little professor syndrome--I see him on the autism spectrum, possibly Asperger's.
Keep an open mind as you take this journey. Doctors will disagree with one another.
I hope you can work out things with your husband.
I'm sending boatloads of patience and strength while you await diagnosis appointments. The waiting is the worst part. And then you wait for the results. And those lead to more testing in other areas.
Sigh.

 

[TerryJ2]

So, I suppose I am hopeful that come September or so, we might be able to find some sort of respite care. It's 'recommended' by all sorts of medical professionals, but the 'how to pull it off' is never a concern of theirs.

So true! been there done that!

 

[LoonyAlana]

OK, I'm going to try and 'start fresh'. Honestly, the last time I came here (not this thread) I felt like I was (metaphorically) slapped. Really gave me that 'soft place to land' feeling like the tagline of this forum/website lists (that was sarcastic). I stopped posting because I was seeking out SUPPORT, not blame and shame and do this and you're doing that wrong. I'm on the fence about giving this another try. In it's favor is that this the only place I've been able to find with parents with similar stories- I can't even find a local support group that exists nearby and meets at a convenient time or that isn't going to charge me money.

I didn't want to have to create a new thread, but things have changed in some ways and not in others, and I don't want to rehash moot points that will only frustrate me. CPS is NO LONGER INVESTIGATING. It's a non-issue. They investigated, found no evidence of abuse, it's over. We're finding a new pediatrician (as I believe that is who contact CPS initially.) So that horse is dead, let's not beat it. School has begun (already 4 weeks into it), and my DS was moved up to 1st grade despite still being unable to identify all the letters of the alphabet. They changed which local campus he is attending this year, and this 'new to us' school has been brilliant. Although, there was the utterly dreadful first day of school which ended up with my 6 year old biting, kicking, punching, pinching, pulling my hair, and spitting on me on the sidewalk in front of the school; a parent leaving the school saw my trouble and kindly offered to get one of the local police officers overseeing traffic to assist me. Instead of all those lovely 'first day of school pictures' I had to worry the the local news crew that videotapped my son being carried into the school kicking and screaming would post that footage. The entire first week of school, I received new bruises each and every day trying to just get him there.

As bad as all that sounds, it's gotten so much better. He loves his new special education teacher, they have even begun occasionally integrating him in 'specials' with other children (things like music, P.E. and such he is now attending with his 'regular' 1st grade classmates.) He hasn't even attempted to run away from that school (except for that first week when I tried to take him in the mornings) and they apparently don't see his ODD as an especially big issue for them. I'm finally getting the ball rolling on assistance via our school district's special education social worker (oh, the irony- she asked me if anyone every referred respite care... as you may have seen in an above post- YES- I get that recommended all the time but am never offered a way to MAKE it happen as we don't have the financial means) - but she's actually trying to connect us with ways to actually make support happen. The ball only started rolling on this on Monday, but it's better than what we had last week.

So, we have a diagnosis: high-functioning autism, severe ADHD, ODD, and sensory issues. He's seeing a pediatric psychiatrist every 6 weeks or so, mainly to manage the one medication he's currently on which is a blood pressure pill to get him to sleep. Even at only 6 years old, without those pills he'd be up until 4am easily. Even with those pills, we count it as a 'win' if he's asleep before midnight. We're tried baths, lavendar, that kind of stuff - but he'll basically wait until I fall asleep trying to get him to sleep and then go out and watch TV until my husband gets home anytime between midnight- 2am. Even when you get him up early, don't let him nap - the boy is the freakin' Energizer Bunny. We cannot yet afford (even with insurance) to send him to ABA therapy, and the social worker has that on her list to assist with as well.

So, at this point, things are looking up in regard to school and (hopefully) getting assistance. However, with all this good news, there is still issues at home. Yesterday, for example: great day at school, ate lunch with other kids, went to PE - they are having more problems with two other special education boys rather than my son... but then he came home. From the moment I got home until the moment he fell asleep (before midnight- yeah!) he was battleing me. Everything from telling me to "shut up" and that he "hates me" to spitting on me, kicking me, tearing up anything and everything (especially if he knows it's something that will push my buttons), throwing things at me, pulling my hair... and this was all because of a. I wanted to clean his poopy butt (I mentioned that he REFUSES to poop anywhere other than in his underwear, right?) and because a YouTube video that he wanted to watch did not have audio. The creator of the video messed up on that particular one, and you cannot hear him - apparently in DS's world, this is MY fault. I literally had only about 20-30 minutes of him being 'content' out of the time frame of 5:55pm-11:45pm.

I don't know how anyone else gets through this. I'm a basketcase, crying at the drop of a hat, I've already been diagnosed myself with Depression and Anxiety, and can't afford my own medication (lexapro and valium). I feel like a horrible parent because I basically don't like my child way more often than I'd like. I'm sick of him verbally and physically abusing me - although it is getting a little better. At least he's not threatening to kill me on a daily basis. Small victories? I've reached a point where I am actually wishing I'd have some medical 'something' that would just put me out of my misery. I've all but lost my local friends, he has no friends, my husband and I have opposite work schedules (because of DS) and pretty much haven't had time 'alone' together since DS was born... even our own families have basically stepped away out of our lives rather than help (even with emotional support). So basicallly, long story short (too late) I'm looking for what works for others, suggestions, support. Even just a pretend shoulder to cry on and be told I'm not alone out there. I know I'm not alone, but I'm floundering. Even the thought of trying to take him out in public and having one of his epic meltdowns occur makes me cringe and have a panic attack. Maybe I just need to be thrown into a rubber room.

 

[dstc_99]

I am glad to hear that the school is working with you. As for how to help yourself during his meltdowns I used a simple method with mine and it worked well for a while. It was called 1-2-3 Magic. Basically the first time they did something wrong I said 1 and told them what it was they did that was wrong. The second time I said 2 and the next time I said 3 then they went to their room for 1 minute per year of life. IE: 5yrs old =5 Minutes. They had to stay in the room and be quiet for x amount of minutes. If it took them an hour to stop screaming at me then they stayed in there for an hour screaming and then spent x amount of minutes silently. If they trashed the room fine. They had to clean it up when the time was over.

Times when the child did something that warranted an automatic time out then they werent given warnings they were simply sent to their room and told what you did was a 3.

It put them in a safe place for the time and gave me time to recover a bit. After a few times of trashing the room they realized cleaning it up sucked.

 

[LoonyAlana]

I tried 1-2-3 magic back when he was going through playtherapy when he was younger. Basically, when he's melting down- there is no reasoning, no ability to make him do any version of a 'time out'. As it is, I try to 'restrain him' with 'hug therapy' where I am just trying to keep him from hurting himself and others, but even then he'll actively try to headbutt you to force you to let him go, spit on you, scream at the top of his lungs, kick, bite... and he'll do this nonstop for HOURS. No joke, no exaggeration. HOURS of crying and throwing and destruction and trying to cause pain. I can't reason with him, I can't talk to him, I can't make him sit in one spot for 10 seconds even when he's in a good mood, let alone a meltdown. I would need a straight jacket and gurney with restraints to get him to sit still for even 1 minute. He's 6 now, and his Oppositional Defiance Disorder will cause him to purposefully break rules. Even little ones. If I ask him to shut the door, he'll open it wider and run and hide under my bed. If I want to clean the poop off his butt, (like last night) it takes a full hour of practically sitting on him so he doesn't hurt me or anyone else or himself until I can calm him down enough to wipe his bottom. And I can't trust him to wipe his bottom, because he'll just sit in his own filth, lie about not being dirty and get constant strep infections on his bottom (did you know you can get strep butt?) because he refuses to even allow others to clean it.

We have poo all over everything: walls, TVs, beds, pillows, couches... we can't clean enough to keep up with him, because we're already spending so much time trying to keep him from punching his older brother or me. Or biting me... it really hurts when he bites, took like 3 weeks for the last bite bruise to go away.

Pretty much tons of the things play therapy suggested: 1-2-3 Magic, "if you choose ____, then you choose ____", reward charts, taking toys away, taking privledges away... even things like bribing, deals... trying to delay gratification for even 1 minute, 'hug jail', talking softly, talking loudly, spanking... none of these things work. Not even 1 time. He'll even start spanking himself and saying how much he likes it. If we threaten to take a toy away, he'll break it and throw it away then blame us and take it out on us even worse for the next week.

But, keep the suggestions coming. If it's something we haven't tried, I am totally game. I'd LOVE to find something even if it just worked one single time.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi LoonyAlana, welcome back.
Woo hoo! on CPS dropping the issue. What a relief. I agree with-your hunch that the pediatrician reported you. Makes sense. I am so glad you have gotten another one. Be sure s/he specialized in kids with-autism or at least did an internship with-a few autistic kids.
I completely understand where you are coming from in regard to the poop and head-butting. My son's longest rage was 4 hrs, but luckily, it was in his bedroom, and we had already stripped it down.
You have to be quite a bit taller to do "the hold" properly and not get head-butted in your chin. He's supposed to have his back facing you. Sometimes I was successful, but mostly, by the time I was adept, my son had grown too tall for me.
One thing that popped out at me from an old post of yours was the stethoscope issue. That rage was partly due to an unexpected occurrence, partly to a transition, and partly to temperature change. I would have hoped that the dr would have given your son the stethoscope to play with-for awhile before actually using it. Most pediatricians do that even with-neurotypical kids.
Live and learn. Yet another reason to get another doctor.
I assume that the blood pressure medication is clonidine. It has worked wonders for us. My son still uses it. He is 17. Some day, he'll use Xanax, but since it's addictive, we're putting it off as long as we can.
In regard to poop, I would make that a priority if it really bothers you (me, too!). Don't try to tackle (excuse the expression) all the behaviors at once. Do one at a time. It's so hard, I know, but just choose one. Figure out what your son likes and use it as a reward for poop cleanup. WetWipes saved our bathroom and my mind. I calmly explained that I knew that my son didn't like the texture of the poop and didn't know what to do with it and I was very businesslike about it. Unfortunately, he was 9 or 10 before we were able to speak about it like regular people. I wish I had found a way to deal with-it sooner.
I am big into bribery. I don't CARE what 1-2-3 says in regard to poop!
Oh, and in regard to moving your son ahead between kindergarten and first grade, I was disappointed when I read that he still didn't know the alphabet, but I'll bet a box of WetWipes that they did it so that he could receive better services as an elementary schooler. So it seems worth it. Can't teach him ABCs if you don't know how to teach an autistic kid, Know what I mean??
Take care, and keep posting. I was wondering what had happened to you.
I wish I could send magic medications through the DSL unit to you ...