Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by christine5555, Oct 26, 2013.

  1. christine5555

    christine5555 New Member

    difficult child is now (hopefully temporary) living with notorious drug dealer!! His house sold, couple distraught of the way it was left with messes. He is living in about one of the sketchiest places you could 'live'... I'm forgetting what it feels like when my stomach wasn't clenched 24/7. The pretense when in other's company, so exhausting .. thanks for the listen ppl
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

  3. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    I'm sorry! :*(
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry Christine. I know the feeling of the stomach clenching, my daughter was living with a heroin addict for three months. I hope and pray your son gets away.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh I know that gut wrenching worry all too well..... my son lived on the streets and with who knows who for several months. It is very very hard and very stressful to be in that constant state of worry. It is really a time to do everything you can to take care of yourself!! Be kind to yourself. Talk to those who will listen and love you even if they have not experienced it. Find support both here and if you can find a good parents group such as alanon or families anonymous then go!

    Hugs and hopefully he will wake up and want help soon.

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive hugs your way. If I had "the answer" I'd share it in a New York minute. Sadly I think you have to "ride out the storm" and do your best to maintain your sanity. Keeping a pleasant "public" face was one of the hardest aspects for me. So sorry. DDD
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  8. christine5555

    christine5555 New Member

    thanks all for your words/support. difficult child called me up asking me for funds from closing of his house as I am the power of attorney for his finances. I said tomorrow I'll sort it out with him. He asking me for money for food tonight. I told him to come to ours for food. He ended up hanging up angry but few hours later, showed up for food. So fed him then took him to his :( new home.. So there is 3000 dollars coming to him from house. Most goes to getting his truck out. I know it is his money and he is entitled to receiving it. How difficult it is handing him money for his rent, groceries, etc.. I am going to keep back a bit. Gutwrenching this. I feel for us all.
  9. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    In the midst of insanity, I know how exhausting it is to maintain public sanity, and it's even harder to entertain the idea of taking care of yourself, or going to a support group. It seems like it takes all your strength just to make it through the day. While all that is true, and you may be barely scraping by, trying to maintain the façade of control, please know that attending some kind of support group where you can unload really will be a lifeline for as long as you need it. The isolation caused by our situation is crushing; we are meant to be a community of people, not just individual beings circling each other, and the support and understanding you will find will help strengthen you, so when your difficult child truly asks for help, you can be strong enough to give of yourself in a healthy way.
    Please take care of yourself.
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Christine, you are at the point where you have no choice but to let go. Give him the money if you have to but then tell him that you are walking away until he is in treatment. Don't take calls or texts. Let him know that there will be no relationship until he is doing the right thing.

    The single most important thing that I have learned in my therapy sessions is that I have to let go of things which I really can't control. I wanted to fix everything for my difficult child but it was only crippling her. You can't control where your difficult child lives or who he spends his time with. You can't control whether he does drugs or not. It is actually quite freeing when you finally accept that.

    Believe me, I know how hard that is to do. I am still a work in progress but getting there.


  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I am glad you were able to feed difficult child without giving him any money.
    But yes, the money is his legally...and unfortunately. I think Kathy is right that learning to let go is best.

    I hope and pray your difficult child will get the help he needs soon.
  12. christine5555

    christine5555 New Member

    Yes, take care of myself first and foremost right. Non-stop cognitive thinking.. Got through today in sorting the funds, paying out of his funds to get his truck back, insurance, storage unit so didn't leave a lot to give him thankfully. He was perfectly straight today which I mention he needs to keep that way when driving. I noticed later today he did something today to help the new home owners of his former house which made me proud. He has to of felt good about himself for that. He is debt free, no one is on his back about anything, no human that is... I mentioned/planted a seed, that he needs to get out of this city, away from triggers. 'After' treatment that is. After reading 'We all Fall Down' Nic Sheff, some don't get help with the 12 steps, some fair better with outpatient treatment. Each is different in their own way aren't they/we.

    What helps me take care of myself is this group, you all and books I've read as well having counseling. As well, Effexor! The b-all is helping ourselves and to keep working at it until whatever works for us, right? Right I say. Xx