5th time the charm?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Liahona, Jun 2, 2012.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Two days ago husband informed me that he had a meeting with a school he had been thinking of contacting. He came back signed up for classes. They start in July. He had been talking about starting school again, but I didn't think it would be so soon. I thought I still had some time to get myself together. Now is not a good time for him to start school. See I'm not functional right now. I can keep the kids safe, feed them, sorta get them cleaned up to go someplace (they're dressed with something on their feet) but that is it. I am the most depressed I have ever been. I have a dr appointment in about a week, but I don't think there will be anything the dr can give me while I'm pregnant. Since Zoloft had a study that connected it to autism. I normally get very depressed when pregnant. Scary, suicidal depressed which is why I've been on Zoloft for most of my pregnancies.

    husband has tried school 4 other times. Each time it is very hard on the rest of the family. He just doesn't balance school, work, and family well. It becomes balancing school and work and family gets left out. Last time he spent days shut in his room downstairs without talking to anyone. He completely ignored all holidays, that I was pregnant with Buster, the kids, ect.... I had the ultrasound to see if Buster was a boy or girl. We weren't talking at the time, so I left the pictures on his desk. I found them the next day on the floor. Last time I really tried to reach out to him, but nothing worked until he stopped school. I try to help him get through his classes, but he doesn't want my help and shuts me out. Then he fails because of misunderstandings with his teachers.

    I'm nervous about this. I have no idea how I'm going to get functional really fast. It feels like I'm thinking through a blanket. Even answering posts here is hard sometimes. I've reached out to the county mental health people and someone is going to be coming in once a week to help me clean and do the kids behavior stuff. I call my sister once a day. I set a goal and then report to her the next day. The county person is going to help me find a therapist.

    Talking to husband about this is useless. He only hears what he wants to. He is very aware of how depressed I am, but connecting his behavior with my emotions just doesn't click.

    Thanks for letting me worry out loud.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) Sending positive energetic vibes your way.

    I"ve got to find my "function like a human" round 'tuits' as well. I'm just existing right now. Maybe we'll find it together!
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Lia what is it about men that they have no ability to understand what we actually think and feel? Depressed? Whats that? Snap out of it already! I think I have finally convinced mine that I might have an issue because I didnt change clothes for 2 weeks, only left the house to go get food and cigarettes and havent taken a shower in at least 2 weeks. Maybe 3. He asked me the other day when I had last washed clothes and I just shrugged. He got rather concerned when he couldnt find any clean clothes of mine. Now he is trying to do things to bring my mood up. Who knows if it will last. He did decide I can keep both my puppies but he wants me to train them to be both inside and outside dogs. That will be harder. I will just train them well and they will stay inside and he wont mind. I know that much.

    I know there are so many problems with any AD's and pregnancy. Is there a chance you can take natural stuff like St Johns Wart or one of the other things? I cant remember what they are. Im glad you were able to get someone to come in once a week though. Im gonna try to figure out how to get something like that for me too. Hugs...if you need to PM me you can.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Ask the doctor before attempting any "natural" remedies. They can be just as harmful to the fetus as regular medications, depending. Plus, keep the OB and psychiatrist updated on your depression.

    Pregnancy does a number on Nichole's moods........and while it's probably hormone triggered, it's not the typical reaction, but extreme at times. BC has the same affect on her, which is why I prefer she avoid it.

    For right now, do what needs to be done and leave what isn't necessary.

    How far along are you?

  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member


    I am so sorry to hear about your depression. I am impressed that you care enough about you and your baby to have reached out to mental health services and your sister. I don't have any experience of either pregnancy or serious depression, but I hope you will share your concerns with you doctor as much as possible. Please recruit as many people as you can --even if hubby is not in the picture, to check in on you and help you to the extent possible. Just knowing there is that safety net each day may help.

    You are in my thoughts.
  6. kiml

    kiml New Member

    i hope you get more help, I can't believe you can handle all that. my prayers are with you. Is there anyway you can get more help with the schools with summerschool programs that will give you alittle more breathing room
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I think if I read between the lines here - you're trying to ask how you get HIM to go for help? Because for all intents and purposes - YOU are doing an absolutely phenominal job at - well everything! Lord if we were related I'd be so danged proud of you! I mean I'm proud anyway - but WOW - to face depression, and have two other kids running around, and a husband that can't quite put his mess in one basket - and you don't know if you're going to have his support or not? WOW.....absolutely impressive Lia. YOU SO TOTALLY ROCK.

    As for him? (grunts and exhales) Welllllllllllll as the older sister of the ......hey wait how old are you? (don't want to sell myself short here if you know - I COULD be the YOUNGER......MUCH YOUNGER and youthful sister in this scenario......Much younger and perkier sister......with a flat abs......and brazilian butt lift....and ........okay we're talking about you being pregnant huh?) ----never mind. I'll go for older sister then.....haha. ahem.

    As for him? Are you asking between the lines - How do you get him to GO to help too - OR are you asking - in a round about way - LOOK man I've had enough of your poo poo - and you need to man up or get out? I'm not sure I'm feeling you on this -----My initial feeling is that you love him - you're just FED UP with his childish behavior. But maybe you're making a backdoor excuse for him because you think he's trying to do this for the betterment of the family - but my senses say - he's running away to hide from you because you're godzilla when you're pregnant so you're giving him a pass on school based on your past performance?

    I'm really trying to stay in the "I feel for him " yard - but it's a little hard......give me something more to go on here.

    And kiml had an EXCELLENT Idea - get with Mental Health OR your CITY PARKS AND REC department - and see if the kids can go to summer day camps - they're usually pretty cheap or free.
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Thanks guys, I'm only about 2 months along. Still in the very tired and morning sickness stage. I have been through normal feeling tired and sick of pregnancy and what I'm in now is way more.

    Star, I am wanting him to wait on going to school. Him going to school after I get more functional would be o.k. He does need to (eventually) get through school. He won't wait. School is such a huge issue with him that everything else gets pushed aside when he decides its time. Maybe he unconsciously picks the worst possible time for me so that I won't try to help him with school. I mean he is married to a former sp. ed. teacher, but he doesn't want my help to get through school.

    Summer day camps won't work right now. They are available. I can't get the kids ready everyday. I am not that functional right now. The last month of school was very hard on me just getting difficult child 1 - 3 ready for school every morning for the bus. If I had to get all 6 kids ready and then drive them we wouldn't make it out the door.

    Thanks for all your kind words. It really means a lot to me.