A bit worn and weary - but OK

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well, I have to tell ya, I am feeling ragged. I have barely been up to responding to posts lately, and for that I am really sorry.

    I kinda went back to work after H.'s death with this manic gusto - and then ended up taking on more projects that one man can do. Once the projects are taken on, you can't just throw them to someone else, obviously - but phew! I am beat. I also decided to go to Seattle in 2 weeks for a training seminar - that could have waited until June - again, sigh.

    I am still feeling surreal and detached about the death, but my counselor and you guys tell me that is normal, so I am trying not to fight it too much. I got her Pooh bear from when she was kid out of my parent's house, and that made me feel better. And when my mom goes to Oregon next week she is going to get H.'s Paddington Bear and Snoopy - as well her books for me to have. Again, that will be good.

    We have set up a foundation for H., and my parents have asked that I oversee this, which I want to do, but yet it sounds overwhelming right now.

    difficult child is really becoming introverted, depressed, and agoraphobic again which is concerning to me. He had been actually going to GED classes before H died - and then the drama of her going missing, and me going up to oregon a lot and then her being found dead, just squelched the whole process. So now I feel like I have to start back at square one with him again. Drawing the line in the sand that he has to attend classes or get a job. Period. However, I am just really reticent about doing this, as I know it will just be such a battle. Again. I just have not wanted to dive into that snake pit again.

    When does it stop feeling like the world is focused on me for it's revolution?

    Anyhoo..........thanks for listening. and again I apologize for not being more "present" on the board this week.
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Steely, right now it is your time to get support. We're all here for you to do what we can. Don't worry about this board, we can take care of any problems that come up and, when you're ready, then we'll love and appreciate your kindness and wisdom.

    Try to leave yourself time to grieve. Taking too much on your plate is pretty common -- it's a way to avoid the pain. The problem is the pain is still there and it will come out whether you want it to or not. I know how hard this is, but it truly will get better in time.

    Many, many hugs.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I agree with MB.

    Keeping busy is a good way to keep the pain at bay.

    In the meantime, we're always right here. We ain't going anywhere. lol And we know when you're up to it we'll receive the support you're so good at giving.

  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Um, yeah, we noticed you haven't been putting in your monthly quota of responses and the wet noodle is on it's way as we "speak". If this situation is not remedyd (how the HE** do you spell that???) by yesterday, your Raoul priviledges will be suspended until such time as anyone else is willing to share again. And by the way, it sounds like you're slacking at work. You need another project or two.

    Geesh woman! You're FINE!!!! I think you're entitled to deal with things going on in the "real world" now and then without worrying about if you're posting enough.

    I'm glad to hear you have and will be getting more things that were H's. Memories and pictures are good but there's nothing like having an actual belonging of someone's.

    Take care of yourself and remember....there's this really short little word in the English language that you can use when someone asks you to take on a project at work. You should try it sometime. It's called NO!
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Ditto!!! Stop trying to make the world OK and happy... You think of yourself once in awhile!!!
    We will be here and we will be OK... Waiting for you sage advice... when you give it, your words of wisdom and caring are appreciated whenever!!! Take care of yourself.
    How nice about Pooh and Paddington love them... oh and Snoopy!!!
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Another dittio! Please be gentle with yourself and don't apologize. Gentle hugs.
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Steely! I don't think you've taken on enough! Can I drop the 3 demons off to you while I lounge around eating bon-bons on the couch?

    Give yourself a "mental break" for a few minutes. It's so normal to "overdo" and "over-undertake" things after such a terrible loss. It's also easy to notice how unbalanced and unhinged the rest of the world is. I call it "validating my existance".

    Whenever we have something go wrong, it seems to come in 3's. I don't know how many have that "old Irish Family" piece of wisdom, but once one thing goes wrong, we look for the other two. Once the "bad luck comes in 3's" you have a bit of a break.

    Now the trick is: get to 3 - FAST! And that's really easy to do. Just figure out a 3rd thing that's gone wrong, and you'll officially be on the upswing! Have you bumped a toe? Have you gotten cut off on the road? Have you been trapped in the house by a Moose like Totoro?

    I'm ditto-ing the others! You're perfectly normal with what's going on...


    what time do I drop off the demons?

  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    It's too close to even begin to feel "normal" again. This has been a traumatizing time for you - your entire family. These feelings you have aren't right or wrong - it's the process you will go through.

    Don't fight it, please. The longer you put off going through the grieving process the harder & longer it will take for you to heal. Do what you can, when you can. If you can handle these extra projects, go for it. If you can't, beg off. It's okay to ask for help right now. In fact, it's the right thing to do if you need help.

    Be gentle with yourself - life will return to normal before your realize it. It's that first year that's the worst.
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    As Linda so eloquently put it, be gentle with yourself. Truer words were never spoken.

    We are here for you, but it is OK for you to be there for yourself as well. If you need to busy yourself from time to time with extra projects, fine. If you need a break, take one.

    There is no timetable. Nobody will ever tell you "well, it's time you got over this already". Everyone grieves in their own time, their own way.

    Big hugs.
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Have you looked into finding a local support group? Somewhere that you can have physical contact with someone or others that have been in a similar situation? I understand your pain. You know I do, but you need to help yourself in order to get through this. Obviously, we are here for you and you shouldn't worry, right now, about being supportive when you are in need of support.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I ditto the others. Concentrate on yourself and helping difficult child. You will get through it in due time- it doesn't get "cured" in a couple of months. You are doing fine and maybe at work, well, sometimes people don't know when a grieving person wants to "drown" themself in more work or when they have had more than they can think about. Just say "no, sorry, I can't take that on right now" when it is more than you want to deal with at the time.


    PS- Hug the pooh and others! Talk to your sister and remember, she is there and always will live on through you and difficult child. It's understandable that he moves a little backwards before forwards right now, too.
  12. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    I have been following your posts but this is the first time I have posted.

    I think you are a very brave, kind and strong woman. I wish had a great words of wisdom but I do not....I can only tell you (from experience) that the pain you feel will lessen over time. Unfortunately, nothing but time makes you feel a little closer to "normal".

    You do need to take care of you first. That is a very hard thing to do sometimes. Are you able to set aside five or ten minutes a day just for you? Would it make you feel better if you kept a daily journal and wrote how you felt?

    A lot of times people do not say anything when you loose a loved one because they feel they will say something wrong....it does not mean they do not care.

    It might not be the right job....and if it is not...you will know when it is time to move on.

    I firmly believe in my heart that everything in our lives happen for a reason. I do not always understand why BUTevery single time something has happened, I can look back later and understand the reasons.

    Please keep posting if you need to vent, or need support. That is why we are here..

    Sending you extra specials warm and wonderful thoughts....