A little about us and a Big day

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by cyncan, May 12, 2009.

  1. cyncan

    cyncan Guest

    I have been a lurker here for longer than I can remember - posted some - but very little. I can't tell you how much help I have received just by reading.

    I have been a step mom to my two darlings for almost 12 years. I met Dad and the kids moved in shortly after he did. Biomom left for internet boyfriend in some other state...Dad filed for emergency custody and was granted. Instant family. We married a couple years later.

    Kids always had issues - but I was slow to recognize what was going on - but eventually got kids into psychiatrists, on medications and seeing counselors. GFGSS struggled early - but really made an effort to do it without the medications (hated the way they made him feel) He is graduating this year and joining the army - which I am concerned about considering his difficulties - but he is all for it. I think about discouraging him - but guess he needs to work it out himself at this stage. His biggest problems are the concrete thinking - and ADHD - but has managed well enough to get A's and B's in school with just slight accomodation. So yea GFGSS.

    GFGSD has always amazed me with the way nothing phases her (discipline wise). I recognize now she cared about nothing and still doesn't (except if it involves her). GFGSS bonded with Biomom - GFGSD did not - was colicky (sp?) and Dad was handling 1 year old and baby at same time with no sleep, etc. Biomom was not interested in helping. GFGSD is typical Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and has been on and off medications and in and out of phos - at this point nothing is working. About 1 year ago - we were done and made the decision to have her move in with Mom (something she wanted at that point - although I think it was more what Mom was promising - than anything else). Biomom was in it so that she didn't have to pay CS anymore.

    Anyway - long long story short - complete disaster. And I feel guilty as heck. However, the family was in crisis and we weren't even able to function with everything that was going on with GFGSD in the home - it was horrible. So we made the best decision we could at the time.

    So fast forward to today - GFGSD is in an alternative high school - failing, off medications, no counselor - out of control (no drugs - had test). Biomom doesn't "have the time to deal with GFGSD's s**t" direct quote. So, I am trying one more time to help - I found a Youth Challenge Academy funded by the state for at risk youth. They have to have dropped out of school or be close (which she is) and it is completely volunteer run by the national guard. They don't have to join up when it is done - but they can take their GED adn then have a mentor for one year after to make sure they stay on track.

    Today - we go over and get the final paperwork and signatures to complete her application. They say she is in as long as she gets her mentors and passes the pee test. She is vrey much looking forward to it - however, I think it may be more that she wants to get away from biomom. We have also told her if she makes it through the program, we will consider having her come back and live with us. hopefully enough motivation.

    However, now biomom is being difficult - doesn't think it is a good idea - but is willing to let GFGSD fail school - no medications - tells her (and us) that she is a failure and won't amount to anything - just the meanest nastiest you can imagine. It sounds like she doesn't want her to be successful either. I told her you can't just give up on a child...

    So wish us luck today if you could - and hopefully biomom will just fade into the background.

    Thanks for listening
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Good luck for you all. GFGSD had found that the grass is not always as green as it looks on that other side. I hope she can fight for her way out of this mess and find the confidence that she can be in control of her own life. Bio-mom probably can not handle any one in her life that is successful because it will show the poor choices she herself has made.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Wishing you the best today. Let us know how things go.