IIIIIIIII have the MOST AMAZING friends in the whole. wide. world.
Okay reason #1 for not returning phone calls - and these are not excuses -----they are legitimate reasons (or so says the woman with bags under her eyes and midol in her hands, and a flower pot in the other and LaChoy canned chinese dinner under her armpit, and the dogs medicine on a butterknife with peanut butter on the end in her fingers, and a phone up to her ear trying to get the nursing home on the line, and DF in the den asking for just one, MORE. thing. (oh but don't bother I see you're a LITTLE busy)
..and the
village idiot dog running around with my underpants in her mouth that she got out of the laundry basket for the 13th time, dashing out the back door, the dog door and into the great wide unknown to have herself a self-imposed snack of Hanes and indigestion yet again. While DF barks out yet another request for OH Can I get you to do me ONE. LITTLE. FAVOR? Cant he see.......I have peanut butter on my work shirt, and I've watered the LaChoy Chinese dinner and placed it on the kitchen shelf next to the Aloe plant, and now I'm starting to cook the Pothos with sliced potatos, and D)#%()*&) dog with another pair of nazzy old unner-ware....O(H JUST EAT THEM......I don't care......Your new Indian name is Lackka-Wanna-Tastebud. Done deal......
YES HONEY - I'm getting that. YES dear - I know you are in pain...YES snookums I have that pillow I'm going to smother you with....hehehe. Ahem.....Right here dearest. (PLLLLLLLOP) OH and NOW you're worried about your MAN CAVE being clean?? For the nurses????? SERIOUSLY?????
and I can slip that in AFTER I finish the ........Well where did I put the Lachoy??? OH great.....Lil lackkawanna is in here again....and you need Another diet sprite, and I have to study for the most important test or I don't get the job......and I have to pack a lunch and none of the shopping for my lunches is done, and the yard needs mowed, and the garden needs weeded, and the van needs gas for tomorrow, and your WHAT doesn't have WHAT? Wheelchair needs it's thingys? I bet lackawanaa hauled those off too....In the laundry room? NO problem....Right after I finish vacuuming UGLY stepmother.......and OH they DID call in your prescriptions can I drive back into town and get them TONIGHT??????? SUREEEEEEEEEE I need the break...no problem and theyre HOW FRAKING MUCH???? Becaues you didn't aske the old folks home for freebies???? YOU WERE EMBARRASSED?
Yeah........and did I remember to get stamps????? Pay the bills? Oh the electric company....WHAT ???????? YOU NEED THE RUGS PICKED UP???? WATER THE DOGS????? FEED THE CAT?????? OH MY GAWD......YOU DID WHAT? WATERED THE CAT????? GET THE MOP???????? WHY? OH I see why.....you can't carry a cat waterbowl and use a walker...walk on a busted knee and ........Just never mind.........
Yup - paid the bill......that one too........Oh here's the phone it's your mom....your sister.......your other sister......your mom again........
And this was in three hours............SOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Not that I'm not busy - or anything........but this has been going on day after day after day------------
And if I get a chance? Except for the underwear part? I'm going to make like o'l whatser name......and shoot out that dog door.......like my tail was on fire.
The next surgery is his other eye? And I swear to you? I'm going to plan my own surgery .......or mystery illness ..........or something.
All in all? I know I'm blessed. But GOD LOVE A NURSE!!!!!!! BECAUSE I AM NOT ONE. AND HE KNOWS IT. I'm more of a honey badger /nurse ratchett.....type of caregiver...and I hope he can appreciate my passion for other interests.....GAWD someone save me.....
So Janet as much as I love you - and our 4 hour marathon conversations? If I can fit you in between Kool aid and cats water? I would love - but I'm a little strapped for time and REALLY crabby right now.
Not much of a conversationalist. Just call and ask Mr. T......He'll tell you - I think he'd rather be back at the rehab place with the horrid nurses, awful service, and forgetful caregivers......