The good news is that my son seems to be really trying to keep his attitude towards me in check, or at least trying to not let it show, and I am trying as well not to react. I've gotten better at overlooking minor things he does that tend to irritate me or ending a conversation when I hear defensiveness, agitation, or annoyance in his voice.
The bad news is that as far as I can tell, he's not making any kind of effort to look for a job, nor has he even begun to take the online course for the one job offer I know he's received. It's a 60 hour course and he was offered the job, pending the course, 10 days ago. About a week ago he told me he relapsed with the meth and then went to an NA meeting and even got a temporary sponsor. He said at that time he wanted to go to one meeting a day, something I think they call 90 in 90, but to my knowledge hasn't been to one since. He hasn't said if he's talked to his sponsor since then, which makes me think he hasn't reached out to her either.
Mostly what I see him doing is showing up at my house nearly every day around between 1 and 3 in the afternoon and crashing on my couch, exhausted, until 6 or 7, then hanging out here and at some point leaving to go meet up with friends, usually after 10 and sometimes after midnight. He's not "in my way" per se and I have no problem vacuuming or taking care of other responsibilities while he's trying to sleep. But it's still getting old. He's gotten his medications straightened out so as far as I can guess, the exhaustion stems from his late night activities. If I let him keep doing this, I feel like I'm enabling him to continue whatever it is he's doing. But if I put my foot down I fear I'll unleash a monster.
Also he got some kind of check from a former employer maybe three days ago. I have no idea the amount, but I know he went on a spending spree and now it's gone for the most part.
I have to tread lightly because my husband's blood pressure is up (his doctor increased the dosage of two of his blood pressure medications) and she also gave him something for his heart, as his most recent checkup indicated a faster than normal heartrate. If I do confront my son it might get a little less dramatic if my husband was there to back me up, but I'm sure he wants no part of that confrontation...and he has to put his health first, especially right now.
I'm thinking I could take the "coward's way out" and send him an email or Facebook message and then pray he doesn't come storming over in a rage. Neither option, face to face or email, is good and both have potentially chaotic consequences. I know what I need to do, but no idea the best way to do it.
Should I just let us all get safely through Thanksgiving first? This is the first year we're doing anything at home. Usually we go to my brother-in-law's (husband's brother) but they're doing other things this year so we're having a couple of people here for dinner. I hate the idea of blowing that up with a necessary but ill-timed confrontation with my son.
The bad news is that as far as I can tell, he's not making any kind of effort to look for a job, nor has he even begun to take the online course for the one job offer I know he's received. It's a 60 hour course and he was offered the job, pending the course, 10 days ago. About a week ago he told me he relapsed with the meth and then went to an NA meeting and even got a temporary sponsor. He said at that time he wanted to go to one meeting a day, something I think they call 90 in 90, but to my knowledge hasn't been to one since. He hasn't said if he's talked to his sponsor since then, which makes me think he hasn't reached out to her either.
Mostly what I see him doing is showing up at my house nearly every day around between 1 and 3 in the afternoon and crashing on my couch, exhausted, until 6 or 7, then hanging out here and at some point leaving to go meet up with friends, usually after 10 and sometimes after midnight. He's not "in my way" per se and I have no problem vacuuming or taking care of other responsibilities while he's trying to sleep. But it's still getting old. He's gotten his medications straightened out so as far as I can guess, the exhaustion stems from his late night activities. If I let him keep doing this, I feel like I'm enabling him to continue whatever it is he's doing. But if I put my foot down I fear I'll unleash a monster.
Also he got some kind of check from a former employer maybe three days ago. I have no idea the amount, but I know he went on a spending spree and now it's gone for the most part.
I have to tread lightly because my husband's blood pressure is up (his doctor increased the dosage of two of his blood pressure medications) and she also gave him something for his heart, as his most recent checkup indicated a faster than normal heartrate. If I do confront my son it might get a little less dramatic if my husband was there to back me up, but I'm sure he wants no part of that confrontation...and he has to put his health first, especially right now.
I'm thinking I could take the "coward's way out" and send him an email or Facebook message and then pray he doesn't come storming over in a rage. Neither option, face to face or email, is good and both have potentially chaotic consequences. I know what I need to do, but no idea the best way to do it.
Should I just let us all get safely through Thanksgiving first? This is the first year we're doing anything at home. Usually we go to my brother-in-law's (husband's brother) but they're doing other things this year so we're having a couple of people here for dinner. I hate the idea of blowing that up with a necessary but ill-timed confrontation with my son.