A little update on our difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by welcometowitsend, Aug 4, 2013.

  1. Hi everyone.
    I've been in vacation mode and taking a couple of mini vacations with husband and easy child which has been nice.

    difficult child still seems to be coming around. He's been keeping in touch with me and texting me every couple of days just to say hello. He has also been communicating with husband and has gone to work with husband a few times in the last few weeks. He's gone with him 4 times and while husband had to call him to wake him up twice he was out of the house within 5 minutes and ready to go. The other two times he was outside waiting for husband to pick him up. That is amazing on difficult child's part as he has sleep issues in that he has difficulty falling asleep before 2am and of course will often sleep late. When he works with husband he is up between 5am and 7am. I've done some research and apparently ADHD can cause significant sleep issues like that.

    Anyway, he is still staying at the shelter and has kept his part-time job at the fast food place. He is planning to stay there for another month and then he is going to start looking for another job that will give him more hours. He's been at the fast food place for almost a year so that should look good on his resume.

    We haven't made much progress in finding him a place to live. He wants to stay with a friend of his who has just graduated high school and the rent is a great price but it's all the way across town from his school and I'm worried that he won't get up to get there. He wants to get his drivers license and take the car we have for him so he can drive himself to school. husband and I are not really ok with this at this point. I think he needs to prove to us that he deserves the car and is truly making changes with his schooling before he gets the car. The car will go in his name and if we give it to him there will be no getting it back. I want it in his name that way if he has an accident or anything it won't come back on us.

    So, I think husband and I are going to give him some options. Stay with your friend and find another way to school or find somewhere closer to school to live. Not sure how that his going to go over but it'll be a good indicator of whether or not he's really changed and willing to take responsibility for his actions. If he'd stayed here and done what he should have he would have had his license months ago and the car too. The insurance is actually not that bad at $275/month - he will be paying it.

    Anyway, that is our little update. Mostly positive and I actually enjoy being around him now and I'm glad that things seem to be moving in the right direction.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    WTW, it all sounds positive! Thanks for the update. It seems that he is making an effort and acting more reasonably, I am impressed that he has worked with husband and there were no negative results other then 2 lapses in his time............all good.

    The car thing is a bit dicey I can understand your reluctance to offer that at this point in time. It does sound as if he needs to earn it, driving is a privilege and it would likely work out better if he earned it in some fashion. I'm dealing with that with my 17 year old granddaughter. Of course, she lives with us and is (mostly) a easy child, not a difficult child,.......she drives our cars and having her own car is contingent on her getting good grades the first semester of her Senior year. At this point I think we need to start training her to be independent and taking on more responsibility. Your son working for one year is a really positive sign! Good post WTW, thanks!
  3. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Welcome, you sound great, too. Balanced, reality-based, self-aware.

    I agree that the car is a privilege difficult child should prove himself worthy of. Driving is a privilege and a responsibility, not something to be taken lightly.

    This was such a nice update, Welcome.

  4. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    It sounds like your difficult child is trying hard. I am happy for you and hope he keeps progressing forward.