A very brave mom

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Jun 28, 2008.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    This could have been any one of us. I think this mom tried a lot of avenues, incl. testing for Asperberger's, and was at a loss. It's very brave of her to do an interview in the paper like this. VA papers have been doing a lot of stories lately on mental illness and crime, trying to keep jails from overcrowding with-mentally ill inmates who receive no medications. This falls right in line with-that. So sad.
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Geez...shaking head.

    In some sort of perverted sense, you can see how someone would 'put down' anything in pain. You do it all the time on a farm/ranch. Unfortuantely, this was a human.

    I don't know who to grieve for. Maybe all of them. The old guy was down on his luck for a long time, the kid is questionable stable, and mom is in denial. Bad, bad combination.

    Big sigh.

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks, Terry! Let's hope they can help him in some way- obviously he needed it and his Mom knew- although I'm sure she didn't expect this to happen. This state just doesn't offer many resources to prevent things like this.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This really bugs me- so I'm Back :( My nagging thought is that they stopped institutionalizing people with mental illness because they didn't think it was right, except in extreme cases. They wanted people to be treated and allowed to live in society- right? Well, they never made sure that treatment is available. We don't have many options here in VA anymore- with few exceptions, it is outpatient or short term inpatient stay and the outpatient isn't all that great. So, it looks like the courts sometimes "house" people by detaining them in order to prevent bad things. Now, I can obviously see this if it is a child molester with a slim to none chance of ever being rehabilitated. But I don't think it is an acceptable substitution for mental health treatment. I think it might even be worse than housing them in an institution.

    So, I just hope that maybe people in this state will start to see that more treatment and various types of treatment are needed to be available.

    Sorry- that's my soapbox for the day.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    You're right. They shut down the state hospitals with nothing in place to fill the need. The need was great then, and it's even greater now. Not all state run hospitals were bad. We had one in the town I grew up in that was awfully good. Now shut down.

    I understand the whole right to live as normally as possible thing, but there are many who simply cannot function in society. Hiding our eyes from it doesn't solve the problem, nor stop the effects these patients have on themselves or the people around them. And the lack of enough facilities is also affecting patients who need help desperately, but most likely wouldn't be long term.

    Such a sad shame for everyone involved with this. Kuddos to the brave Mom for speaking up. She is a warrior Mom, just like the rest of us.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    So very sad.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Don't you wish you could just hug her? My GOSH there was so much truth in her words.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Wow, what a hard thing for a parent to do. It must really stink. Surely must be breaking that mom's heart.

    I just HATE the way docs say "It's not this." when "this" is so hard to diagnosis and there are NO concrete ways to test for most mental illnesses. Most of these "tests" that the docs do to see if someone has aspergers are just opinions. Same for most mental illnesses.

    And I won't get started on the lack of treatment options, esp for all the people who were in the mental hosps. Many of them simply had no where to go to get their medications, treatment, even a place to sleep. Now this lady's son will go to jail, receive no treatment, and won't get out with any skills or job prospects or training. And certainly no help for his mental illness!!!


    And prayers for that poor family and for the homeless man.

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, the system is definitely broken. I know this guy isn't being diagnosis'd in jail and won't be for a long time. The mom must be going crazy with-fear and despair.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    A portion of my testimony to the judge in January regarding of difficult child's therapy:

    Your Honor, we are all in agreement that he needs therapy. I think we all know that he hasn't done enough wrong to lock him up for an extended period of time and it is already decided upon that it isn't right to lock a person up for the rest of their life just because of what you are afraid they might do someday.

    All in courtroom nod in agreement.

    So, I just ask that I be allowed and have the freedom to seek out the best appropriate treatment that I can find for my son. (Mind you- he was already under a court order to get mental health treatment- I was seeking permission to seek out better than what they could provide-which was nothing more than a behavior contract)

    They look at me like "why should this be allowed for my son"

    Because my son might very well be walking around on a college campus someday at 20 or 22 yo.

    They raise eyebrows.

    And when he is, your Honor, I hope his biggest worry is whether or not he studied enough for the test and can he get to class on time. I don't want him walking around full of hatred and despair but if he has thoughts like that, I want him to know where to go to talk to someone about them and I want him to know that there is nothing wrong with getting that help.

    They look at me like "ok".

    But, your Homor, if he doesn't get adequate help, and he doesn't get that message about mental health treatment being the right thing, not something to be ashamed of, then God forbid what he might do. And if he ever did something so horrid as to hurt someone else, do not come pointing the finger at me. When the first thing that everyone wants to do is asked why didn't the parent do something to help this kid when they were younger, I'd like it known for the record, that is why I'm here. My son does need help and I'm doing everything in my power to get it. Locking them up to stare at walls isn't providing help and if that help isn't given it won't be due to my lack of effort. I do not think it is me that is in denial here.

    GAL jumps up quickly and asked me if I thought my son was a danger to others.

    No, not right now. My son is more apt to be a danger to himself. At any time that I am concerned about a potential risk to someone else, I would call in others. The only thing in this world that could possibly be worse than my child hurting himself would be for him to hurt someone else.

    I doubt that I am the only parent to feel this way- especially in states where they want to treat the parent like they would be doing you too much of a favor to provide mental health treatment. A favor that the kid doesn't deserve. And that is definitely the attitude in this state. Someone- please tell me that it isn't that way everywhere.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    How very sad...for everyone concerned.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good job, klmno.
  14. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sad and scary. I don't know what to think.
  15. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    Society needs to pay more attention and spend more money to help people in need.