A very cautious update on difficult child 2...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ThreeShadows, Dec 26, 2009.

  1. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    He and his fiancée (21y.o.) were here for Thanksgiving. He has been taking a generic wellbutrin to kick cigs. The medication has mellowed him out as well as helped him with the nicotine. This is a first for us, he was always so high strung and anti medications.
    His girl is keeping him in line, stopped him from drinking his thanksgiving wine too fast. She makes sure he does not overspend. She uses coupons too! I am happy that he is complying but sad that he has not yet developed his own internal brakes. She's so young to have to mother a man. I've done that since 1970 and it's exhausting.
    They are both taking online classes through Kaplan U. I had never heard of it. They are studying to be medical assistants. They both have jobs at the mall.
    He is pushing to get married and have a child by next Christmas. REALLY POOR IDEA! Of course it's none of my business. I'll have to perfect Suz's bobble head technique until my head falls off.

    Now that both difficult children are out of the house, they call us often. When they lived with us they always stayed in their room and would not talk.

    I wonder why I bothered to raise them, they never listened to me, I should have handed them over to some little girl when they were kids and have her do the job, LOL!
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    Maybe that's the secret. I'll co-author a book with you. My part will be "The Art of the Bobblehead" and your part will be "The Art of the Hand-off." We could be rich! :D

    If it makes you feel any better, Heather has really helped Rob, too. I smile, bobblehead, and am grateful. Fran has always said that she wants to be the best mother in law in the world. I tell Heather the same thing.

  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    thanks, Suz! I thought you'd understand.;)
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I manage the smile and nod, smile and nod bobble head routine. However, one day my neck is gonna snap from too much use and what erupts is gonna make the Exorcist look like a pimple!
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    What a great update. Progress is progress. I try to enjoy it and hope for more progress regardless of whether it is through medications, girlfriend, parenthood or anything else.
    I don't view it as a deficiency in my parenting but difficult child's inability to process what we teach. I gave him the best I could.
    Now, a bobblehead is a good thing and letting them deal with their own consequences seems to work best.
    From all the folks in PE it appears that disengagement and bobble head seems to be the best way to survive and for difficult child's to grow up.

    It's wonderful that the Wellbutrin helps him. Hope he keeps using it until he has reached the point of being fully matured.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Great news 3shadows..........it really is. I like what Fran said that out of all the things that are working on PE, it is the bobblehead technique and disengagement. Two things I have not even begun to perfect, but I certainly am trying, and believe are pivotal for our difficult children success.

    Wellbutrun is amazing for helping with stopping to smoke. Even though I don't smoke, I have never felt better than I did on Wellbutrin, I unfortunately, could not overcome the side effects. I hope he keeps taking it, even after the cigs are gone, it can really help with moods.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Okay the part where you hand them over to a little girl????

    BRILLIANT!!!! :tongue: - (taking notes) What age?

  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I agree whole heartedly.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I've done it since 1983 and it is most certainly exhausting. I hope she's up to the task because as long as she does it, it's doubtful difficult child will do for himself in those areas. I learned that one the hard way. And mine is ready for retirement and still can't self limit. ugh!

    Does sound like she is a positive for him though. Does he seem to genuinely care for the girl? Might be enough to motivate him a bit.

    I had to LOL over them calling you all the time now. Both my girls did the same. And even Travis didn't spend his whole vacation in his room. lol Something about moving out makes them decide you're not so awful to socialize with afterall. lol :tongue:

    Practice your bobble head routine.....you'll get good at it in no time. :)

  10. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    DL, difficult child 2 is in love with love; for both their sakes I hope this lasts. They have a lot of fun together. That's important. In my next life I will chose a happy partner who is grateful for all our gifts and we do have much for which to be thankful.

    On a personal level, I think that in the course of this looooonnnngggg marriage I have learned to love life but husband has stayed the same cynical person. It's wonderful to evolve and change together, I hope my kids and their partners can find that kind of parallel development. I wish it for all of us here.
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Three Shadows, It's funny how things from our past teach us how to change in the future.
    My dad always had a meltdown before every holiday or celebration. It's like he couldn't handle all the change and hubbub. It was too much fun for him. He exploded at either my mom or one of the kids. There was no way any of us could be too happy.
    I chose to marry someone who didn't do that. Someone who helped me lighten up. He had a sense of humor especially when things are tense. I chose someone who didn't have to make everyone miserable to make himself feel better.
    I am eternally grateful to have laughter in our home. Hopefully difficult child 2 will learn to love someone who shares in the fun that is life.