So difficult child's been back to school for two weeks now and it's not going well there. Work refusal, throwing things, arguing with peers, attempting to leave the area, ....
At home, things have never been calmer. No arguments about coming to dinner, going to bed, he's pleasant, we have been enjoying an hour of wii together each evening, he's doing his reading, his math....
Why is he having such problems in school? He's always had problems in school. He is completely overstimulated in social situations. Around his peers, his maturity level takes a nose dive. His personal space issues cause problems for others. His oppositional nature has him engaged in a constant power struggle with authority. His lack of focus is made worse by the over-stimulating enviromnment.
I used to drive myself crazy trying to fix the school situation by offering incentives and consequences for his behaviors at school. We would discuss, until I was blue in the face, the incidents that occured that day in school. I would ask him why? We would brain-storm ways to solve the problem. Did it help? NO.
We would offer big rewards for a green behavior card. He never earned them. I would even send him to school with green dots on his wrist as a way to remind him to stay on green for the day and make good choices. Again, did it help? NO.
I would email the teacher daily to get all the gory details of his day spent in support, why there was a need for restraint, what destruction he had caused. All this served to do is to reinforce the idea that the school, ultimately held me responsible for difficult child's behaviors and expected me to fix them. "When is his next doctor's appointment? " they would ask as if the doctor had some magic behavior pill that we had not yet tried.
If difficult child had a bad day at school. It was a bad day at home for everyone. My need to scold, lecture, rethink, consequence, etc... only served to make difficult child angry at me and me angry at difficult child. He was always without his priveledges and did it help his next day at school? NO!
So listening to the good advice of others who have wisely said, things like, "Let the school deal with what happens in school." I have decided that I will only address the positive things I notice on difficult child's behavior chart with difficult child. He is in a special self-contained school for students wilth behavioral/emotional needs and they are equipped to deal with these behaviors. I do everything I can to help support them by taking difficult child to a psychiatrist, a therapist, he has an in-home behavioral specialist working with him, I have had outside evaluations done,he's gone to scoial skills classes, etc..
I haven't given up my warrior mom status ( I stopped getting on difficult child about his school behavior but I still make my thoughts known to the school as to what I think would be helpful for difficult child). He obviously does not have the support he needs to be successful. He needs constant coaching. We have had two ieps meetings, one in the summer and one last week to discuss (nice word for argue) the need for 1:1 assistance. I think difficult child needs it for safety(he's a runner), behavioral, and academic support. I have an appeal scheduled next week and we've hired an advocate. I have been very careful not to discuss this situation around difficult child.
So what is the point of this long, rambling post? I want to share with others, who may be pulling their hair out over school behaviors, that life is so much better when you learn to leave school problems at school!
Has this helped his behaviors in school? NO. Has this helped his behaviors at home? YES!
Christy
At home, things have never been calmer. No arguments about coming to dinner, going to bed, he's pleasant, we have been enjoying an hour of wii together each evening, he's doing his reading, his math....
Why is he having such problems in school? He's always had problems in school. He is completely overstimulated in social situations. Around his peers, his maturity level takes a nose dive. His personal space issues cause problems for others. His oppositional nature has him engaged in a constant power struggle with authority. His lack of focus is made worse by the over-stimulating enviromnment.
I used to drive myself crazy trying to fix the school situation by offering incentives and consequences for his behaviors at school. We would discuss, until I was blue in the face, the incidents that occured that day in school. I would ask him why? We would brain-storm ways to solve the problem. Did it help? NO.
We would offer big rewards for a green behavior card. He never earned them. I would even send him to school with green dots on his wrist as a way to remind him to stay on green for the day and make good choices. Again, did it help? NO.
I would email the teacher daily to get all the gory details of his day spent in support, why there was a need for restraint, what destruction he had caused. All this served to do is to reinforce the idea that the school, ultimately held me responsible for difficult child's behaviors and expected me to fix them. "When is his next doctor's appointment? " they would ask as if the doctor had some magic behavior pill that we had not yet tried.
If difficult child had a bad day at school. It was a bad day at home for everyone. My need to scold, lecture, rethink, consequence, etc... only served to make difficult child angry at me and me angry at difficult child. He was always without his priveledges and did it help his next day at school? NO!
So listening to the good advice of others who have wisely said, things like, "Let the school deal with what happens in school." I have decided that I will only address the positive things I notice on difficult child's behavior chart with difficult child. He is in a special self-contained school for students wilth behavioral/emotional needs and they are equipped to deal with these behaviors. I do everything I can to help support them by taking difficult child to a psychiatrist, a therapist, he has an in-home behavioral specialist working with him, I have had outside evaluations done,he's gone to scoial skills classes, etc..
I haven't given up my warrior mom status ( I stopped getting on difficult child about his school behavior but I still make my thoughts known to the school as to what I think would be helpful for difficult child). He obviously does not have the support he needs to be successful. He needs constant coaching. We have had two ieps meetings, one in the summer and one last week to discuss (nice word for argue) the need for 1:1 assistance. I think difficult child needs it for safety(he's a runner), behavioral, and academic support. I have an appeal scheduled next week and we've hired an advocate. I have been very careful not to discuss this situation around difficult child.
So what is the point of this long, rambling post? I want to share with others, who may be pulling their hair out over school behaviors, that life is so much better when you learn to leave school problems at school!
Has this helped his behaviors in school? NO. Has this helped his behaviors at home? YES!
Christy