New Member
My darling little difficult child was doing so well...i guess i can't ask for perfect...this morning i was at work and my so called and told me chris would not go to school because he couldn't play baseball with him before the bus came...so chris had a meltdown..yelling and screaming that he wasn't going to school...at least he calmed down before school started, so bob drove him in, but now because he was behaving so well, any little thing(not that this was little) just seems 10 times worse than it really is...the in home therapist and the BA both came at 6pm, so at least he was able to talk to them about it with it being fresh in his mind....she did manage to point out that it was wrong, but we did "praise" the fact that he didn't get violent or curse...so at least that was a step up...lol...if i did that when i was younger i would have a tattoo of my father's hand on my butt...in my family we jokingly call his odd the i didn't spank him enough when he was younger syndrome...it's weird, now i'm only 34(soon) but i can't remember kids going around with all these behavior issues...when i was growing up...our moms had a weapon of choice, whether it was a shoe or a spatula or a belt...but we knew when we were in trouble we would get a smack or two (and they hurt!!) but we knew not to do it again..nowadays, you can't give your kids a smack in the butt if they are wrong, because then it would be called abuse (i believe in the difference between child abuse and discipline)...i don't know mabey i am old school, but i can't believe that i had to praise my son for not hitting or throwing things and not cursing when he decided to throw a fit and not go to school...lol...i feel like giving myself a spanking for that one...it just seems that with our lack of being able to give them a smack or two(i'll call 911 if you hit me) and how the words odd seem to fall off the shrinks lips so easily..i just wonder if there is a connection....lol..trust me i would love to have my difficult child be the experimental guinea pig in the spanking experiment....just weird...sorry if i rambled....just happy i have a three day weekend off from work and the kids go to their father's this weekend...oh sweet bliss...i hear the cork popping already...thanks all...


No real answers to life..
Don't know how many times I have heard, "Well, if you had just spanked your son when he was younger....." Spanking in his case didn't do a thing...sure he didn't want to get spanked, but he just learned to deny anything so as not to get caught, the behavior was still there.

The reason you didn't hear about all these behaviors when you were younger was that now we live in a world of "immediate communication". I guarantee you these behaviors were alive and well back in the 70s, you just couldn't get on your cell phone and call home or the school or email anyone. The behaviors were handled with little or no communication. Over, done, handled....not always the best way to do things, but less fuss.

As we deal with these behaviors we learn more about the human psyche and hopefully can progress to finding ways to deal with the frustration of not being able to "control" and guide children into productive lives.

I know this does little to help you with your child and his behavior, but in my opinion the spanking theory is just a method of trying to control thru fear and intimidation and doesn't work in the long run. Just my two cents....

Keep on doing what you are doing.....praising him for not using violence is good, and showing him that you mean it by you not spanking reinforces the message.....


Well-Known Member
I do think there were some kids in the class when we were younger that were behavioral problems. Most were removed from the school (I was in Catholic schools) and the milder ones were probably the class clowns.

However, life is so different for these kids. I recall being out of the house most of the time. Out finding things to do, not getting into trouble really, but keeping busy with friends. These days you can barely let kids walk down the street without worrying they will be kidnapped or worse
It is quite sad really. Perhaps it is the kids that were removed from my school that are the kidnappers. It is now a cycle.

I am in no way genralizing anything about a child being removed from a school and being a kidnapper - so please do not accuse me of that. It was mearly a story to help us see the differences. I do believe the jails are made up of mostly difficult children though.

My point is hopefully, with medications and interventions, there will be less kidnappers and criminals in the world. There is much more education about the issues that come with behaviorally challenged kids.

One thing I know for sure. Spanking rarely helps a difficult child. Ironically enough, I do believe it helps a easy child more than a difficult child. It tends to make a difficult child angrier. And more behaviorally challenged.


New Member
I'm with ya Deb. I'm very old school, so praising my kids for the better choice of the two bad choices seems rediculous. I still do it, but some days through clenched teeth. It just seems over the top to me. I'm still learning though.


New Member
Thanks all....i remember when he was 5 and in kindergarten, the teacher would write everyday in a notebook and i had to sign and/or answer back...well one day, my SO and i were running from work to pick up the kids at the sitter's to take them to a little circus that night...we had a grand time...however, due to the rush, i didn't have a chance to read the notebook untl morning...i read a three page story about how "bad" he was that day...kicking and not following orders..yada yada yada...three pages worth..anyway i signed the book and sent him off to school...later on i was able to talk to the teacher herself, and boy was i glad that i did...when chris went to school, his teacher asked him if i read about what happened...she asked him how i had punished him...he happily told her how he went to the circus and had cotton candy and bought some toys....lol...remebering that day makes me chuckle still...having to praise his temper tantrum brought back that memory...sheesh...we can't win can we
Although I find it hard to praise my difficult children for not hitting, throwing, spitting, etc., I don't think spanking is the answer. I think that spanking only teaches them that it is ok to be violent.

At least with my difficult children, I get much more compliance with praise than with punishment. However, I also find it ridiculous at times to praise them after a "melt-down" because they didn't resort to physical aggression. Even though I find this absurd, sometimes praise for not being violent towards others after a "melt-down", is the only nice thing I can think of to say to them the entire day. It's so sad...

I hope you enjoy your time without your difficult child!!! :smile: I wish I could join you!!! WFEN


Well-Known Member
So sorry, Deb. I know how you feel.
LOL about not reading the note, and taking him to the circus. TOO FUNNY!



Roll With It
There is no way spanking did any good for my difficult child. It only taught him to taunt us to hit harder. Truly a bad cycle. Any behavior he ws spanked for came back 4 times as bad the next day.

We truly could have beaten him to a bloody pulp and he would have continued with the behavior of disfavor.

I do understand how it grates to praise a child for not being violent during a tantrum.



ps. loveandlogic.com has some great ways to handle things with-o being ridiculous.