adopted 10 yr old twins with ADHD--PLease help!
- Thread starter mami2threeangels
- Start date
JJJ
Active Member
Other books that might help....Parenting After Adoption by Pat Johnston and The Explosive Child by Ross Green
As the foster-adoptive mother of 4, I would echo the others...take your time on finalizing. Once they are legally yours, much of the promised support will disappear, unless it is written into the subsidy agreement and even then, it can vanish (eg. our subsidy agreeded to pay $X per hour for therapy to current therapist; we didn't check with current therapist if that was the right amount and it wasn't, she charged double that and the caseworker knew it). These are not easily placed children, the caseworker is probably terrified that you are going to disrupt.
As the foster-adoptive mother of 4, I would echo the others...take your time on finalizing. Once they are legally yours, much of the promised support will disappear, unless it is written into the subsidy agreement and even then, it can vanish (eg. our subsidy agreeded to pay $X per hour for therapy to current therapist; we didn't check with current therapist if that was the right amount and it wasn't, she charged double that and the caseworker knew it). These are not easily placed children, the caseworker is probably terrified that you are going to disrupt.
somersetmarine
New Member
I am a twin and grew up in biological home. My mom's way of dealing with us was to take us to the skating rink and drop us off and my dad sat at the bar at nights. School work was secondary. In 3rd grade I never did my homework. I ended up doing all my homework in the principals office during my lunch hour after I'd eaten my lunch. They were nice to me and he'd even help if he saw I was struggling. I refused to read and they thought I was slow so I got put in the "late bird" section of reading. They made me mad and I was being defiant. My twin never graduated high school, but went on to get her Master's Degree. I have only a BA, but it took me longer than the standard four years. As for the roller skating, we ended up being national champions with all the effort we put in and continued and increased in skating over a period of 10+ years.
I'm saying homework isn't all that important if the concepts are learned. If he does some, but not all enjoy the night as a family. Sports, individual sports, with one-on-one attention is the best therapy we had. It focused attention, got rid of energy (and we had lots), and it had rewards for "good" effort, and something outside of school to look forward to. There were lots of kids down at the rink practicing that had problems and we all were in a controled environment, supervised, working toward a common goal, and supporting each other. There's not much going on in sports or PE for young boys much these days. Plus being active prepares a individual to be capable and fit for military service. We both also joined the USMC.
Just something from the other side of the coin that shows that we do survive. God Bless.
I'm saying homework isn't all that important if the concepts are learned. If he does some, but not all enjoy the night as a family. Sports, individual sports, with one-on-one attention is the best therapy we had. It focused attention, got rid of energy (and we had lots), and it had rewards for "good" effort, and something outside of school to look forward to. There were lots of kids down at the rink practicing that had problems and we all were in a controled environment, supervised, working toward a common goal, and supporting each other. There's not much going on in sports or PE for young boys much these days. Plus being active prepares a individual to be capable and fit for military service. We both also joined the USMC.
Just something from the other side of the coin that shows that we do survive. God Bless.
timer lady
Queen of Hearts
somersetmarine, I'm glad that you're home life was such that you became a successful adult; that your twin is doing well as well. However, the reality here is about adoption from foster care ~ not really twins.
Your response seems a tad simplistic to the realities the parents here have to face ~ to what I faced with my children.
I'd have never been able to drop kt or wm off at the skating rink; they needed & still need constant supervision. We are now a family of different addresses.
This parent is looking for advice from parents who've adopted from foster care & who have dealt with hurt/troubled twins.
Again, I'm glad that you've succeeded ~ I'm still working with my twins to help them become self aware ~ able to function out in the world.
Your response seems a tad simplistic to the realities the parents here have to face ~ to what I faced with my children.
I'd have never been able to drop kt or wm off at the skating rink; they needed & still need constant supervision. We are now a family of different addresses.
This parent is looking for advice from parents who've adopted from foster care & who have dealt with hurt/troubled twins.
Again, I'm glad that you've succeeded ~ I'm still working with my twins to help them become self aware ~ able to function out in the world.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
If I had dropped my adopted son off alone at a skating rink, he would have been thrown out. It's different when they had such a horrible start.
N
Nomad
Guest
Yes, it's Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier (although this experience sure can make a person want to scream!)
I too could have VERY likely expected total chaos if I had dropped off my difficult child child at a skating rink at any time during her life...pre teen...teen....Not even sure NOW at early adulthood it would be ok!
Although this thread's focus is about adopting twins when they already have a diagnosis of ADHD and there are many other serious concerns at hand....I like the point just made....
regarding how people can be resiliant..... healthy people can make good decisions in life and chose to be happy, productive and forward moving.
I too could have VERY likely expected total chaos if I had dropped off my difficult child child at a skating rink at any time during her life...pre teen...teen....Not even sure NOW at early adulthood it would be ok!
Although this thread's focus is about adopting twins when they already have a diagnosis of ADHD and there are many other serious concerns at hand....I like the point just made....
regarding how people can be resiliant..... healthy people can make good decisions in life and chose to be happy, productive and forward moving.
ThreeShadows
Quid me anxia?
How can we tell the healthy ones from those who cave?
