Adult addict theft

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Elaineo, Sep 22, 2017.

  1. Elaineo

    Elaineo New Member

    Hello parents on the forum. I filed a police report for stolen credit cards and jewelry almost 1 and 1/2 years ago. Some of my jewelry was found. My son sold it to pawn shop. He and girlfriend very angry at me and calling me a bad parent. We have put him in rehab twice. I am depressed and feel like victim all over again. Looking for support and guidance. I will not press charges but the merchant plans to.
     
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  2. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Elaineo, sorry you had to find us but welcome.

    My son also stole some jewelry from me. It is a terrible betrayal. To have him turn on you like that is infinitely worse.

    Elaineo, I hope you realize he and girlfriend are full of crap, no offense intended. Let that ludicrous nonsense roll right off of you.

    Exactly what is his idea of a *good* parent -- one who lets her son steal from her and doesn't file a police report?

    He and his girlfriend should be absolutely ashamed of themselves, not just for the theft but for attacking you with a baseless and ridiculous insult once they are caught. I hope that is his addiction talking, not him.

    Either way, you certainly have my support. The only guidance I would offer is to give serious thought to pressing charges, as well as making sure son and girlfriend do not have access to your premises or your valuables again. He needs to make restitution to you and the merchant, and he owes you a BIG apology. Until both of those occur, I am not sure I would have any contact with him at all.
     
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  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I second that comment.

    El

    Welcome. It is a comfort and a tragedy tocknle you are not alone.

    My son had stolen prescription drugs, money, jewelry, my car (bright it back with a dented fender and smelling of pot).

    The denial and the lies,lies,lies are almost to much to bear some days.

    I am learning to set boundaries, not enable and not listen to gaslighting, like why a rotten parent I am.

    Try to focus on yourself, how to protect your heart and your home.

    Do you have other children at home?

    A safe is a good investment.

    You are in good company here.
     
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  4. mcdonna

    mcdonna Active Member

    Welcome, Elaino. I'm also sorry that you have landed here but we are here to offer support.

    Your son and his girlfriend are showing true addict behaviour and will stop at nothing to get money to support their addiction. A good parent does not support this. I'm sad that you have to receive their abuse and hope that you can get some supports in place to help you. As Albatross mentioned, making sure your son and girlfriend have no access to your house or property is important. As much as it would hurt me, I'd be filing a police report. Limits need to be set so that the behaviour does not continue.

    {Hugs to you}
     
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  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I would absolutely file charges. Stealing is criminal regardless of who you steal from or the reason why you steal. Thereare consequences.
     
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Let's focus on what makes a "good" son. Stealing from his mother? I'm glad that the merchant is pressing charges. Your son needs to deal with the consequences of his behavior. Please don't help him with this.

    My daughter stole from me when she was using. We found some of the jewelry in her room but never located two of the missing items. To this day, she swears that she doesn't know what happened to it. Now that she is sober I believe she is telling the truth. When she did her amends, I told her that the one thing that I wanted to know is what happened to the jewelry. She said she honestly doesn't know. I think she was either in a blackout state or had let one of her drug using friends into our house and they took it without her knowledge. Either way, it is gone and I will never know what happened to it.

    Besides stealing things they steal our serenity. I think that is the worst thing of all.

    Please get help for yourself so that you stop listening to the garbage your son and his girlfriend are spewing. They are the ones in the wrong . . . not you. You need help learning to set boundaries. If he starts saying bad things to you, hang up the phone or walk out the door. You don't have to tolerate his bad behavior.

    Private therapy helped me learn to set boundaries with my daughter. Other members go to parent support groups like Families Anonymous or AlAnon. Some use a combination of both. Keep posting here, too. You will find support and understanding and lots of advice. Take what helps and leave the rest.

    ~Kathy
     
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  7. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    They stole your jewelry and credit cards, so you're angry. Ask them if they wouldn't be angry if it was the other way around.

    Tell your son that jewelry won't be left to him in your will.
     
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  8. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Welcome Elaineo,

    I'm so sorry you are feeling depressed. Please know that you did nothing wrong! Your son stole from you. You did the right thing by filing a police report.
    Just because he's your son does not mean this behavior gets excused. For your son and his girlfriend to say you are a bad parent is wrong and sad.

    Your son's response is a very common one. Our difficult adult children want nothing more than to be able to steal from us, live in our homes rent free and basically use us. They want to be "adults" but do not want any of the responsibility, they expect us the parents to take care of everything for them and let them live the way they want. Let me tell you honey, that is not how it's supposed to be.

    It's not easy to call the police on your own child, I know, I've done it more than once and would not hesitate to do it again if I needed to.

    Know that you do not owe your son anything. When he stole from you he blew up the "trust bridge". You have also put him in rehab twice. I know it's hard because he's your son but he's no longer a little boy. He's making adult choices and needs to face the consequences of those choices. One thing I no for certain, the longer we try to fix things for them the worse it is for everyone. The only one that can change your son is your son.

    You need to take care of yourself. Again, you have done nothing wrong.

    I'm glad you found us here. Please let us know how you are doing.

    ((HUGS))
     
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  9. Elaineo

    Elaineo New Member

    Thanks so much to all of you. You make some excellent points. I appreciate the advice. Sorry to hear about your own adult children.
     
  10. Shelley

    Shelley Helicopter Mom in Recovery

     
  11. Shelley

    Shelley Helicopter Mom in Recovery

    I would file charges for my son more then myself because I know if I let him get away without consequences the next crime will have more serious consequences.

    Very hard to do but sometimes we need to stop feeling sorry for them and parent them. They are pushing us to set the boundaries
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Parenting, unless asked for, is for those under eighteen. When they are adults who abuse us or steal from us or hurt us, we take care of ourselves by taking action, adult child or not, and we help them by letting them face adult consequences
    Jmo