Adult sister stealing and lying

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kristina Blackett, Feb 17, 2018.

  1. DistressedSister87

    DistressedSister87 Distress Sister 87

    Hi am new to this forum so hoping someone can give me some advice or at least some support as am actually heart broken.
    My adult sister is 35 years old and she is constantly stealing and lying. A lot of times she lies about little things that I pick up on my but never say anything. As kid it was £10 outta my mums purse or something. I don’t think we worried about it then because to be honest we all have that one or two friends at that age would take a tenner for extra sweets at the cinema or a bottle of hooch in the Park.
    She has a history of stealing money from our mum mainly. She has credit cards and phone bill debt coming out of her eyeballs. She gets a credit card and max it out and just never pay it until it gets to CCJs. She stolen my credit card when younger and then maxed it out and sent it to another address only found out as I was paying it off and when the women told me it was still maxed out I realised the fraud. At home my mum has to keep all her belongs in an electric safe as she can’t move out due to the debt she has racked up. She has taken cards out in my mums name again maxed it out. Never stolen from my Dad as she knows she would get beaten and thrown out without hesitation. When she is confronted she will lie and then a day later come clean. Recently my aunt asked her to buy something for my cousin at Christmas on the internet as she has no clue about technology. She used the card in front of my aunt and handed it straight back but most of screenshooted the info as again stealing from my aunt it must of been about £400 in total when confronted lied and lied had me sitting with her trying to see if there was any mistake and then two days later she admitted it like it was nothing. No remorse no tears nothing part of me thinks shes stopped caring maybe in the past she hasn’t been punished enough. When we was younger she would go after any boy that I had been with. Once went on her Facebook and saw her sexy messaging a boy that I had previously been with that my family have a running joke that he was obessed with me and a little bit geeky. She hasn’t got a partner but I know she is sexually active and aware she has had sex with people in relationships etc. I now think she is sleeping around.

    In 2009 when another round of stealing got brought up she went to the GP and was referred to therapy but I don’t believe the issue was spoken out as she said it was depression. She also said she went privately in Dagenham in 2012 but that is a lie am sure. She has a responsible job which is able to secure and attends regularly. She has mates that are in their 20’s but none her age. Am beginning to think it has to be something mental maybe she’s on the secptrum or a behavioural issue. We’ve been brought up in a Caribbean culture household my mum struggled put us in private school there was nothing in our childhood that we wanted and didn’t get.

    After this last time I don’t want anything to do with and am heart broken I feel like my sister has died. Am pregnant atm the mo and for the last 3 days I’ve been in bits as my kids no longer have an aunt. I don’t know how to help her anymore or help myself and mum. Any advice would be helpful
     
  2. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    What she is doing is illegal. I know it is a difficult thing to do but i would have those she is stealing from gather the evidence and tell her if she does not repay on a set schedule you will turn it over to the police. As long as she suffers no consequences she will keep doing what she is doing. It is not fait to you your mother or your aunt that they/you suffer the consequences of her actions. Your mother and your aunt deserve to enjoy what they have earned and you are going to have a child who deserves your support. Even if she can't afford a place she should have to leave. She is an adult and if you steal from people who are giving you a place to live you shouldn't be allowed to live there. Also if you report to the credit card companies she is using the cards illegally then you shouldn't have to pay the bills and they may choose to prosecute her for you. Whatever she is buying should be sold or returned to pay the bills. I would not be surprised if drugs are not involved. If she is stealing from you she might start stealing from someone who will press criminal charges. As far as her sexual relations she is an adult and i assume so are her partners so nothing you can do about that as far as i can tell.