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Adult son going down the drain

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tiredgrandma2019, Mar 17, 2019.

  1. Tiredgrandma2019

    Tiredgrandma2019 New Member

    help!! Can’t see the way out of this insane situation!
    Adult son - substance abuse by he and his wife- they were plodding along - functional enough to have 3 kids and limp along until wife came home one week after buying a new house and saying she was having an affair- my son increased the substance abuse - and on a bender assaulted her-
    Move ahead 3 mos- she has filed for divorce and has moved a new man into the home- my husband and I are filing for partial custody of the 3 kids- did a really well led intervention for my son- and he is now “camping” somewhere-
    Texts me that he is ok but doesn’t want to go on - or parent without his partner
  2. Momma

    Momma New Member

    I can only tell you that their choices are their own. The drama they create radiates out and effects everyone around them. We do all that we can to help our adult children get on track. We can't want a good life for them enough for them, they have to want it for themselves. If you seriously think he will harm himself you can contact the police and see if they can locate him for a welfare check but most states in the US have 211 services. Your son can call 211 for help for mental health crisis. He must choose help, you cant make him.

    Most important is you taking care of you. Hugs! I wish I could offer you more.
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Welcome Tired!

    I agree with Momma, your son is an adult. He is abusing drugs which means he's a mess and sounds like wife a mess also.

    Using drugs is not a way to cope with life. Until he figures this out, he will not get better. It's hard to watch our adult children struggle, all of us here know that because we have done it.

    Rescuing him will not help him in the long run. Hopefully by losing his marriage he will see that HE needs to change and make healthy choices so HE can reclaim his life.

    Lives of people that abuse substances always implode. There's just no way to live a normal life when drugs are involved. Drug users are surrounded by drama all the time.

    I agree that you need to have self-compassion and take care of yourself. I understand your need to want to take his children but that seems like a lot also but that would also be my first priority.
  4. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    After his wife confessed to the affair, nobody can blame him for wanting or feeling the need to increase his drug use. But, when children are involved, you just can't be on drugs. Also, I can't blame his wife for filing for divorce. Even if it was only once, he assaulted her. Not that she's innocent in all of this. Her reason for divorce might have more to do with the new man in her life. But, then again, most people don't leave their spouses for the other person. She might change her mind about the divorce.

    Has he ever been to rehab? How long has he been using?
  5. Ellen T.

    Ellen T. Swirling

    I never knew about 211. Thank you for this info. I'm going to give it to my son.