Advice/Thoughts on behavior last night

[humbleyourheart]

Last night I was on the phone and my son (8) was very patient holding something behind his back with a big smile on his face. I could tell he was excited to show me something and was being so good to wait until I finished on the phone. When I did, he pulled his school paper out from behind his back and said "I passed my times test." I said "Oh, you had a test." to which he blew up. "It wasn't a test wasn't a test. Why'd you says test. You don't understand". So I calmy try to explain that he said test so I thought that's what he meant and what was it. He was crying and screaming then crumbled up his paper and threw it at me. For that I told him he had a time out because we don't throw things at Mommy and Daddy. After a tantrum and threatening to take his CD player away if he did not serve his time out he finally went. But all the while there he is yelling that No one cares about him, He wishes he were never born, Why did I make him ruin his best paper (its always my fault) and that he just wanted out of this family and he wanted to be a hobo. These are the kinds of blow ups we are having. Over me saying "test" and in his mind it wasn't a test. After his time out and he was calm I explained to him what happened and how he could have handled it differently. I try to do this after every blow up, but we are still having blow ups over these trivial things. Any thoughts or advice? Does anyone deal with this?

Donna

 

[gcvmom]

I'm curious, what did HE think he said?

Have you had him tested for any type of language, processing, or learning disorder? Does he have a diagnosis of any kind? Is he on any kind of medication?

He's clearly frustrated by something, and in this case, it seems like a misunderstanding of what he meant. But to be so explosive is definitely a red flag.

 

[BusynMember]

Lots of us deal with this. It is she shocking, explosive and (to us) illogical world of a child with some sort of crossed wiring that needs treatment and evaluating so that we can understand him (and he us). Does he often have trouble conveying what he means and does this often lead to meltdowns? I have a few questions that can help us help you.

1/Was he ever evaluated by a private neuropsychologist? By any professional at all?

2/Are there any mood disorders, substance abuse or any psychiatric problems on either side of the family tree?

3/How was his early development? Did he make good eye contact, relate well to strangers and his peers? Cuddle? Play appropriately with toys? Did he seem to have a great rote memory, yet had trouble talking or expressing himself? Can he now relate to his same-age peers? Is he bullied or does he bully? How does he do in school?

My first suggestion is to buy "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It will help you out for the interim.
My second is to let us know more about this child's history. Then I'd schedule a neuropsychologist evaluation--they are very intensive and good and tend to catch stuff others miss. My puzzling son was tested for ten hours and it's been all uphill since his evaluation and our understanding of his diagnosis and special needs. He's doing great. You can find a neuropsychologist at university and children's hospitals and in my opinion they beat any other sort of evaluator. If this behavior is a common occurrence, something is going on that can be helped and your child (and you) can live happier lives.

Welcome

 

[Jena]

Hi just jumping in to offer some support to you. The defiant behaviors and the blow ups can be really hard to handle. Yet it sounds like you handled it very well. The others asked some great questions...