Advise and insight please

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by lizanne2, Sep 3, 2009.

  1. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    Hello all:

    I need a better perspective on this.

    My Daughter(difficult child 1) has been friends off and on with the Shy for over 10 years. It has never been a great relationship. As a matter of fact, the 4th grade teacher told me that Shy should never be in the same class as my daughter. Shy is overbearing mean and a distraction to my nice quiet girl.

    So now they are in high school. shay has joined lots of things the year AFTER my daughter did---cheerleading, chorus, track(even does the same events). The track kids say my daughter woudl be even better if Shy wasn't around. The only time my daughter drank, shay was there. Shay lied; i read the text messages from my daughters cell phone...I coudl go on...shay i does tons of things...drinks, smokes, has lots of sex, lies Occupational Therapist (OT) her mom, is late for school, disrespects her mom, spreads rumors about my son, etc. BUT IF YOU MET HER YOU MIGHT LIKE HER, that kind of sweet sneaky girl.

    The other thing is my daughter Learning Disability (LD)'s and stuff make it hard for her. and my daughter doesn't get to say anything when this girl is around. Shy is just a little more popular. What ever:

    Any wasy, i was just convincing my daughter to see this girl for who she is..... and i also took a hard line regarding time with her.

    Oh me and her mom were friend for a while until I realised we were just a little different...........thats another story.

    Anyway, tomorrow she is moving in to the house next to mine. Now back in the day she would have called me right away...... not anymore.

    I do not know how to react....................... how to handle my girl........etc.

    Words of encouragement? advice....
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I have one of these kids in my life too. Onyxx finally got a clue about C. I don't know what to do about her though as the kid's brother is on Jet''s football team.

    Limiting time with her is good. Keep in mind that your daughter will find a way around if she wants to.

    Encourage your daughter to hear not only the rumors and nasty remarks but what's NOT being said. And why. If this young lady is into such self-destructive behavior, there is a good reason. It is probably her self esteem, which could have been damaged in myriad ways. Shy wants to be popular (does what others dor - drinking etc.), and loved (the sex). WHY? This would also be a good way for you to open up a discussion with your daughter.

    Good luck hon. LOTS of HUGS!!!!!
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You cannot really restrict your daughter's friends. If Shy is the kind of girl I think she is she will retaliate if she thinks your daughter is "crossing" her. So your daughter will need to learn a kind of neutral friendship.

    Be around the other girl on the bus, at school, whatever and not say anything mean to or about Shy. Go ahead and enjoy her life whether Shy is there or not.

    If she openly ignores or "disses" Shy the ways girls retaliate are vicious and cruel. Chances are Shy has already done some of this. Or she will. Just wait.

    Talk to your daughter often. Be ready to listen and NOT get all bent out of shape over what Shy does. ASK your daughter why she thinks shy drinks, tries drugs, has sex, is mean to people.

    Help your daughter see that Shy is hurting and acting out of poor self esteem and possibly self loathing. Maybe help her see how Shy's mom and dad are contributing to the problem, rather than the cause. If problems arise you will have to find a way to hash them out as long as the girls are in the same school.

    I am sorry your daughter has to put up with this. Keep the communication open with her.