It happened yesterday but it still feels so fresh. I woke up this morning with a lingering sadness and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Yesterday was Field Day at Seb's school-- what we used to call Color Wars before it sounded vaguely un-easy child. I, along with many other moms, volunteered to help out. At a certain point, Seb came running over to me, hystericallly in tears: "Why didn't you give me my medication! I can't believe it happened! I didn't do it on purpose!". He collapsed on the ground sobbing, clinging to my legs. Confusion. My heart started to pound in dreaded anticpation. I wasn't sure what was going on. I quickly learned that there was an incident involving another boy. Said boy was pelting plastic hockey pucks at Seb and Seb, somehow, "accidentally" kicked said boy in the balls in an effort to block the puck from hitting him. So says Seb. Mother of said boy is a former schoool psychologist-- a very patronizing, rigid and unfriendly woman who I made the mistake of talking to about Seb recently at a BBQ. Said mother of said boy is notoriouslty over involved in all matters concerning her son. She and her son, who was legitimately in pain, went off to the nurse's office. Seb's teacher who witnessed the event filled in the blanks. She felt that it was an accident. It's important to note that Seb's teacher thinks he can do no wrong-- she thinks he walks on water. Thank God for that. She adores him. Seb and the teacher say it was an accident, but in my heart of darkness I know better. There have been a lot of "accidents" this year. One accident involved a rock that Seb threw that resulted in his breaking a boy's fron teeth. Another "accident" involved Seb head butting a boy on the school bus who was teasing him. There have been other "accidents" involving "inadvertant" head buttting, pushing and throwing things. Seb and the teacher can call it an accident and maybe it was, but really, how many "accidents" really happen? Back to the story... Seb and I followed the injured boy and his mom to the nurses office. Seb, still crying, wanted to know if the boy was okay. Boy's mother shielded the boy from us as if protecting her child from viscious animals. "I didn't mean to hurt you" Seb sniveled. The mother spoke up: "That's not what my son says. He says you pushed him down and kicked him". The son chimed in: 'I didn't say he pushed me down". Seb wailed: "I didn't push him down! We were playing, I was trying to block the puck from hitting me and I accidentally kicked him!". The mother scowled. "It's not true Seb. And you will talk to Mr. Principal about it tomorrow and you, Mrs. Seb's Mom, will be hearing from the principal and the vice principal soon. You've told me about your son's impulse control problems, Mrs. Seb's Mom. I assume that Seb became frustrated when pucks were being thrown at him and he lost control". Seb cried "That's not true!" as the mother left the nurses office with her son. Moments later Seb went back to class. I remained in the nurses office and what happened next really surprised me. I cried. A lot. I sobbed like a little girl at school. I sobbed and sobbed in the nurses office. The nurse consolled me and gave me an ice pack to bringt down the swelling of my puffy eyes. She felt the mother was harsh. "And what about her son throwing hockey pucks at people? Why didn't you ask her about that?". And I realized that I never do. I always just apologize. When I looked vaguley human, I returned to Seb's class and spoke with his teacher-- the woman who thinks Seb walks on water. I relayed the nurse's office encounter with Mother-of-Boy-Who-Was-Kicked-in-the Balls. Teacher was livid. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and I probably shouldn't say this, but that woman is notoriously difficult. There will not be any meeting with the prinicipal about this. I will see to it that this ends here. Seb has been more than apologetic. That woman is awful" We went home. Seb felt vindicated, and I cried all day, on and off. Accident or not, it's so hard to always be the center of this type of injury drama. It's so hard when its always *something*. It's so hard when it feels like the other parents of the world judge you and your child. It's just hard. Seb and I know in our hearts that this was not purely an accident. He cried to me last night: "Maybe I'm just evil. Maybe I can't help but to hurt people. Maybe I'm the worst kid in the world".