I cut off contact with Difficult Son about 4 months ago for reasons that would take too long to explain. I know this is not a nice thing to say, but it is as if my life has clicked into place. Hubs and I purchased a new home, and the best part of that is I know Son won't show up on the doorstep looking for a place to crash, because he doesn't know where we live. For the first time in a really long time, my home is my sanctuary. My friends and coworkers like and respect me, in contrast to Son, who called me a bi+ch and said I will burn in Hell for eternity. I wake up each morning excited about the day, rather than waking up draped in dread and staring accusingly in the mirror, calling myself a failure because of the outcome of son's choices. I still think of him at least a hundred times a day. I still mourn what might have been. I still visit this site several times a day hoping to find some answers. But it's just thoughts and feelings, and after awhile I remember the past 12 years of the same old same old and realize that nothing's changed. Then I put it all down and I go on with my day, because I know I don't want to go back to the chaos and manipulation of interacting with him on a daily basis anymore. Does that make me a person?