An apology. Progress?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Jan 8, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    So had it out again with difficult child today about going to school. easy child is sick with the stomach flu so I dropped him off at my mom's so I could go to work today. I thought difficult child would argue with me and try to get out of going to school since easy child was missing, but she surprised me and she didn't....yet. I took her to Starbuck's so she could buy a coffee cake with her birthday money. Then I took her to school and she was fine the whole way there. As soon as we arrived, she started with the arguing. Begged me to drop her off at my mom's. Told me she was starting to get sick like easy child. I said nope, no way, she was not throwing up like he was, and she was going to school. Then she said her coffee cake she had was bad and she thought it was making her sick. I told her that grandma said she would absolutely NOT watch both kids today. So then she asks me to take her home. She kept up with the yelling and arguing, so I quietly picked up my phone and dialed her dad. I put him on speaker and let him know difficult child was refusing to get out of the car. He told her that she needed to get out of the car ASAP and it was non-negotiable. She screamed at me, "Whatever, I hate you," and slammed the door. I hung up with her dad and drove away. About a half hour later I get a text from difficult child apologizing for telling me she hated me. difficult child has never apologized in her LIFE, for anything. Not for a rage, meltdown, back talk, or any of her pushing/shoving. Even when prompted she refuses to apologize. I thought for sure someone put her up to it. I couldn't help myself. I texted her back asking if her dad told her to say she was sorry, or perhaps grandma. She said no. She did it all on her own. For the first time in her life she apologized. It took her 15 years to finally say the words, "I'm sorry," but she did it. I feel a little better. Dare I call this progress? Or am I hoping for too much?
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It's progress. With difficult children, the first step is to take not quite so many backward steps. May still seem like it's 2 or 5 or 10 backwards to 1 forward... but that is STILL progress.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Sounds like progress to me!
  4. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    Well said!!!

    Definitely progress - just take it for what it is, don't necessarily expect more, but enjoy it. Good to hear that her dad is on board too.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    She went to school and she apologized. Yes, I would call that progress.
  6. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well guess what? I just talked to my mom. She talked to difficult child. difficult child told her that she was so upset about her behavior towards me this morning that she went to see the school psychiatric to talk about it. It bothered her THAT much. I am floored. difficult child has never apologized. She doesn't show remorse. She is super stubborn. All of a sudden she grew a heart. I have no idea what prompted this.
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  7. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    This is good progress even with the likely inevitable regression.

    I'm wondering if the change between you and your ex has her rethinking her behavior (and her options should she continue on as she has been). She is not used to your ex backing you and the two of you coparenting in agreement and with unity. She also surely knows that it won't take much to push you all over the edge in which case she may be moved full time to her dad. I hope that your ex and you continue to back each other. I would hazard a huge guess that this is prompting some positive change??
  8. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well, Mattsmom, as long as he stops threatening me to take away my kids every time I ask him for help then all is good. So far he hasn't mentioned the kids living with him in about a month. Hopefully it's progress on his part.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I suspect that the more he understands what all is REALLY going on... the less likely he'll want to take them. If he had to deal with difficult child 1 full time... he wouldn't have any life left, and probably no SO either... JMO.
  10. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    I am glad for this turn! I agree that something prompted her to change up, and possibly it is that she sees you and Dad working together. I really hope he keeps it together because you guys just might be able to do some good backing eachother up! Congrats!
  11. Angela41

    Angela41 New Member

    She cares about your feelings and is showing remorse. Even if things don't improve in the short term, you know that she wishes she hadn't said/done hurtful things. That knowledge is good for your relationship.
  12. elizabethanne

    elizabethanne Member

    I agree--she is clearly reflecting on how her actions and behaviors impacted someone else.
    This IS progress and a clear step forward.
    A very good thing, Cali-blonde!

    I'm curious, did you tell her how much her apology meant to you?
  13. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I'm really happy to hear that she apologized to you for her behavior. Definitely an encouraging sign, but don't be surprised if she backslides a bit. She apologized for this one, but that doesn't mean she'll do it again.