an update on my difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by missy44, Sep 25, 2010.

  1. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    It's been a long time since i've posted. I'm not even sure where I left off. I don't know if it was a *good* time or *bad*.

    A few months ago (maybe even longer) I came to the end of my rope again. Our difficult child lost his job he so desperately needed due to his drug use. He broke every rule in our home and the final straw came when we found him passed out in our basement and couldn't wake him. It terrified me and I was terrified that it could have been my younger children finding him like that. I sent him out the door the very next day.

    difficult child continued to live on the streets, sleep in our vehicle some nights, he pawned everything he owned and he stopped caring about his cleanliness, food, he didn't care about anything. He used numerous people, made enemies and stole from people. I knew the day was coming when he would be out of friends and would be begging to come home. OUr difficult child hates to be alone, he would never survive fully on the streets.

    The day came, he begged, pleaded, cried and made all the same promised he's made in the past. I stuck to my guns and told him treatment or nothing. He didn't take treatment, but he did leave. He went to his dad which is a 3 day drive away and it was the best thing that could have happened. I think difficult child has been missing his day since he moved away 7 years ago. I think he felt abandoned as they used to be close when he was younger. He's been with his dad for 3 months now, absolutely no drug use, he has a full time job, he joined a men's hockey league and he sounds great when i talk to him. He actually admitted for the 1st time that drugs were ruining his life and he'd lost everything that was dear to him because of his behaviour. He actually accepted some responsibility. His dad treats him like an adult, work, pay your bills, stay clean or you're out. This seems to be working, I don't know why it didn't when I said it! I don't care why though, I'm just grateful for everyday that passes and he's clean and living life.

    He has repaid all of his debts, he has a really good job which I knew he was capable of getting and his health is on track, working out and all. He sought out a therapist (all on his own) and sees him a few times a month.

    I know we have a long way to go, and i miss him so much. Even the heartache I miss (I guess that's how sick we become too). For now, I'm going to take each day as it comes and thank whoever is looking over him right now.

    Please pray for us... pray that this wonderful time continues.... warmest thoughts for all of you...
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That sounds so wonderful Missy! I know boys seem to really miss their dads. It can do a number on them when they leave or something happens to them. I am so glad that this seems to be working in his favor and that it continues on a bright path.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Missy, what wonderful news. My fingers crossed that he keeps going forward. Drug addiction seems to be a difficult thing to conquer but it changes their lives when they win that battle.
    I'm impressed that you take joy and comfort from his success regardless of how he got it or who helped him get it. I feel the same way. Anything to see difficult child find some reason to join the human race. I swallowed my pride a long time ago and will gladly allow someone else to help where I could not get through. It's not about us is it?

    Enjoy the change. You deserve to savor this success.
  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    What an amazingly wonderful update!

    One day at a time and may his success so far continue.

    Thanks for sharing, it brought a big smile to my face.
  5. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I am glad to know he is doing well. Fingers crossed for continued success.

  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Missy such a wonderful update!!! I too hope it continues.

  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I'm so happy for you I have tears in my eyes. I pray I have the same good news one day......
  8. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    Thank you everyone for your kind words. I too have tears in my eyes. Funny, I just finished talking with difficult child, he called me from work just to say hi. No complaints, no begging, just filling me in on his life.

    Now don't get me wrong, I know that all is not rosy. difficult child does have some *mental health* issues such as depression and possibly a personality disorder. Mental health problems come from both sides of his family. I myself have battled anxiety for years, but I'm winning the battle. But, what difficult children progress shows me is hope. I've always known what he's capable of and then I thought it was gone. Now I see it again.

    I take each day 12 hours at a time. I can do and handle anything for 12 hours, then I deal with the next 12 when they come.

    Thanks again everyone...