And he went round the bend...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AnnieO, Jul 14, 2015.

  1. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Finally got Belle settled and here we go again...

    We've been having typical teen issues with Pat lately. Attitude, that sort of thing. It's been mostly easy (easier anyway due to Belle's antics a few years ago), though all the teen garbage hit at once, rather than ramping up from the tween years.

    The one thing that's been a constant is his continued addiction to screens. We've been working with him... He's been attending online school this year, which allowed him to get caught up but in retrospect was a BAD IDEA. We started in March, telling Pat he needed to step it up on chores and then get a summer job. He agreed. Also to getting his learner's permit for driving. His cell phone would be up to him to pay for during the summer because we pay for it when he needs it for online school.

    Fast forward a few months, and it's July. Pat has lost the laptop repeatedly for not doing schoolwork and not doing chores. He's not made a move towards a job, and barely has his temps thanks to Belle pushing him. Last Thursday, hubby made a special dinner for us (scallops... our tenth anniversary), then made hot dogs for the kids. Called Pat out - he was in his room. He came out, looked at the table, then wandered back into his room. No response when hubby tried again and again. Due to the attitude, etc., hubby took the laptop, phone charger, etc. and HID them in our room. The next day, he told Pat that he could have them back when we saw an honest effort toward finding a job.

    Saturday, hubby was going to tell Pat to walk (or ride his bike) to the mall area and put in applications. I need to run to the store so I offered to drop him off at 1:30, and then hubby would pick him up at 4:30. Pat agreed. I dropped him at Wal-Mart. Afterward, I went home and got Rose, to take her to my parents' for the night.

    Apparently Pat filled out ONE application (at Wal-Mart) and walked home. He knew what was expected.

    Hubby and I went to a wedding reception... Then came home, to grab a gift card to the Cheesecake Factory to get some food. Belle & her boyfriend were there doing laundry (which is fairly normal LOL). I realized later I saw Pat's laptop out (Belle was on Hubby's), but we were trying to get back out to eat so it slipped.

    Then he spent the night with Belle & her boyfriend. He was supposed to be back for dog training by 11:15 but guess what. Nope. We picked him up afterward.

    Got home, were downstairs and then Belle called to discuss some issues with hubby... (Pat issues) and mentioned he had his laptop. Mind, hubby had hidden it... Pat had had to DIG for it.

    We thought, NAW, he couldn't... He did. Hubby went upstairs... Yup. Pat was gaming. Hiding it from us.

    Hubby said, too, if he'd been filling out an app online we probably would have said, you should have asked. But... Laptop got smashed over hubby's knee. Even the hard drive is broken. (Normally we'd hide it again, but this needed to be done... And it wasn't exactly in good condition anyway.) I demanded the cell phone... Which was off anyway. He hadn't paid for the minutes.

    Pat yelled that now he couldn't apply for any jobs and I lost it. "BULL****! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BVEEN TRYING! GET OFF YOUR REAR AND RIDE YOUR BIKE OR WALK TO THE LIBRARY LIKE PEOPLE WITHOUT INTERNET DO!" Then he told me he was expecting a call from Wal-Mart about the job. I laughed and gave him the phone back - without the battery. Told him the phone didn't have minutes anyway and couldn't receive calls - we'd tried, a couple of days before.

    Pat got angry and decided to walk out. He told hubby he was going to walk to Belle's (hahaha - she lives 6 miles away on the other side of 3 major surface roads and 2 highways) and called him a name implying that hubby was acting like father in law (bad news).

    Hubby called Belle who went and got him.

    Anyway, Belle brought him back later to get some clothes and his ID. We also gave her some food etc. because she's feeding him. He refused to speak to us - FINE. But... When Rose went to give him a hug and he shoved past her... I almost hit him. And I'm not like that. But there is NO reason to take it out on her. Acting just like father in law... Hmm.

    He has since gotten another cell phone and unfriended me and hubby on facebook (whoop de doo). Belle is keeping in contact so we know he is okay.

    He's going back to traditional school in the fall. So, he has about 6 weeks to get over his little snit... And not annoy Belle and her boyfriend to the ends of their patience with his screen addiction... SIGH.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm not ignoring you. It's just that... this time 'round, I'm about speechless. Which isn't normal, right?

    I'm still thinking.

    Mind you, 16 is a disasterous age for boys, to begin with. And worse if they are not neurotypical. been there done that, as well you know.
  3. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're having problems again.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    That was around the age that I started having typical issues with my easy child, too...they are still very typical issues compared to the Difficult Child problems. But the laziness - tells me he applies for jobs online but never follows up with any of them! He is going to be a senior this year and has no interest in college. Heaven help me, the boy needs to do something!!

    I would be ticked about him pushing past Rose, too. NO excuse for that one. She is a wee little one. :(

    But what a turn around that Belle is helping you!? :)
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm starting to wonder if Belle is actually helping, or if she's going to help him blow through his money...
  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately he has Belle as a role model. I know she is much better now but once a child watches a sibling do something like move out earlier than normal they try it out too. I'd be tempted to tell him his vacation with Belle is over and he is due home ASAP
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I know... But she went to jail, not moved out... Sigh.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Pat did better without Belle's influence. I know she is doing better, but maybe she still introduced him to pot or something...I wouldn't let a minor child stay overnight with young adult Difficult Child sister and boyfriend. He isn't old enough to live away from home and she isn't mature enough to watch him the way he needs it.

    So sorry you have yet another Difficult Child problem!!!
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Where is he getting the money?
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    He started acting out right after she got out of prison... Even before she was spending much time with him.

    He had almost $1,000 in the bank. Due to his age, they required he change his account from custodial to checking and savings. Hubby insisted he split it in half... Pat wanted to put it ALL into checking.
  11. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    My youngest seems to have big ideas about moving out if the Army moved us again. She wants to be emancipated. She has no clue what that entails but her concept is that Tay did it so can she. I think seeing your elders push the boundaries lets you know it can be done.

    As for Belle she won't want to raise a teen for long. He needs to come home.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well, well... Belle is already complaining to husband..
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hopefully he finds himself between a rock and a hard place, where the only way out is UP - as in, pull up your socks and grow up a bit.
  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    If Belle wants him out of there, all she needs to do is insist that he pull his weight.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It's not that easy. She has to prove she can support herself. Does s he have a good, decent paying full time job?

    They think they can just say "I'm not listening to my parents anymore."

    Doesn't quite work that way. I'd cut off all money and tell her to get emancipated, but she will have to live somewhere else. That is often a ploy to get to do whatever they want to do. I wouldn't help her.
  16. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    This is my 15 year old just spouting thoughts. She has no clue what it really means and no idea to go about it. My point was once they see their siblings get away with things they think it is possible.

    Bug is determined to stay here, but reality is she wouldn't last 10 minutes without support so she will go where we go unless she is over 18.
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Pat has a little bit of money in his account, that he's been saving for about 10 years. About $1000, a month ago... Who knows, now. He's 16-almost-17... He can't support himself.

    Belle is 20. She does NOT have a job, but she has a boyfriend, and I guess that's enough for her. This is horrible to say, but true, that bio mom taught her to use what God gave her to get what she could from others. Sigh.
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yah, they can say lots of silly things. I never had one say that one, but there were others.

    My younger kids seemed to learn how NOT to behave from the older ones. Nobody wanted to act like Bart. He was too out of control and angry and scared them. And Princesses drug days made both of t he youngest kids vow to never touch the stuff and they haven't (you'll have to trust me on this one).

    Ya never know how the older kids will effect the younger ones.

    This is more about my parents than siblings, but my mother's way of dealing with me made me darn sure I would never do that to my kids and I didn't. In a way, she taught me how to be a good mom by being a name-calling, shouting bad one.

    People are all so different!