buddy
New Member
So, we survived another major meltdown today.... Here is the story:
difficult child is a collector. He picks stuff up off the ground. He collects pamphlest/papers, tennis balls, golf balls, rocks, shells, acorns, etc. Lately while bending over he will sneak and pick up cigarette butts thrown on the ground. We do pocket checks and he usually has eyes directly on him but... I have tried his losing tv time etc (his favorite thing-sports tv). Not effective yet.
He woke yesterday morning and smelled like ashes so I knew he snuck some in his bed. SOOO GROSSSSSSSSS.. I said, OK i have to protect you and I have told you before that if you are sneaking these in your pockets then you can't have pockets. So when he was doing something I cut like the front pockets in 4 pair of pants. He never said anything so I figured well??? This morning getting ready for horseback riding and he put on a pair and yelled...HEY! did you cut my pockets? I reminded him that he was warned about that and then I told him when the warning didn't work I was going to do it. He creammed that they felt funny, he is gonna cut up all my clothes, his hands are gonna get cold, he is going to "tell on" me to all his friends, etc. I again explained that my job is to keep him safe and those chemicals are not good for him (he puts them in his mouth etc. no actual smoking-he is afraid of fire and is not alone enough that we wouldn't see the smoke coming out...plus I can smell it too easily). He is really worried it will give him cancer just having touched it and put it in his mouth, but it doesn't stop the compulsion. He asks me all the time, WHY do I do this???
He usually doesn't cry unless really mad or panicked. I guess this was one of those times, but it was a really sad cry too. He took all his nice pants and put them in a trash bag and ran to the dumpsters. I told him if he threw them in he was going in to get them! (he had to before when he threw a photo album away).
He said he was going to kill me, that I am the worst mom ever, he kicked and hit the car and smashed me in the back with the garbage bag (luckily it was light this time).
It is so hard to give a logical consequence, and I am very careful about it usually...but this has to stop and I really think if he can't keep them in his pocket then it will help.
He finally calmed when I said if for 3 weeks there are no cigarette butts we can sew up the pockets and if for 6 weeks I will buy you a new pair of pants. Once his mind is off things for a while then he usually stops the problem behavior...for a while at least.
He made it safely to hb riding and hugged his horse for a long time. GUILT... oh well. May not have been the best choice but I hope it works.
PS I am locking up he scissors and knives as usual!
difficult child is a collector. He picks stuff up off the ground. He collects pamphlest/papers, tennis balls, golf balls, rocks, shells, acorns, etc. Lately while bending over he will sneak and pick up cigarette butts thrown on the ground. We do pocket checks and he usually has eyes directly on him but... I have tried his losing tv time etc (his favorite thing-sports tv). Not effective yet.
He woke yesterday morning and smelled like ashes so I knew he snuck some in his bed. SOOO GROSSSSSSSSS.. I said, OK i have to protect you and I have told you before that if you are sneaking these in your pockets then you can't have pockets. So when he was doing something I cut like the front pockets in 4 pair of pants. He never said anything so I figured well??? This morning getting ready for horseback riding and he put on a pair and yelled...HEY! did you cut my pockets? I reminded him that he was warned about that and then I told him when the warning didn't work I was going to do it. He creammed that they felt funny, he is gonna cut up all my clothes, his hands are gonna get cold, he is going to "tell on" me to all his friends, etc. I again explained that my job is to keep him safe and those chemicals are not good for him (he puts them in his mouth etc. no actual smoking-he is afraid of fire and is not alone enough that we wouldn't see the smoke coming out...plus I can smell it too easily). He is really worried it will give him cancer just having touched it and put it in his mouth, but it doesn't stop the compulsion. He asks me all the time, WHY do I do this???
He usually doesn't cry unless really mad or panicked. I guess this was one of those times, but it was a really sad cry too. He took all his nice pants and put them in a trash bag and ran to the dumpsters. I told him if he threw them in he was going in to get them! (he had to before when he threw a photo album away).
He said he was going to kill me, that I am the worst mom ever, he kicked and hit the car and smashed me in the back with the garbage bag (luckily it was light this time).
It is so hard to give a logical consequence, and I am very careful about it usually...but this has to stop and I really think if he can't keep them in his pocket then it will help.
He finally calmed when I said if for 3 weeks there are no cigarette butts we can sew up the pockets and if for 6 weeks I will buy you a new pair of pants. Once his mind is off things for a while then he usually stops the problem behavior...for a while at least.
He made it safely to hb riding and hugged his horse for a long time. GUILT... oh well. May not have been the best choice but I hope it works.
PS I am locking up he scissors and knives as usual!