Well, the inevitable has happened now. My difficult child is evicted, although her car is running now, it needs a new radiator and other work, the storage unit where she has EVERYTHING she owns has given her until Oct. 1st to pay the remaining $400 or they are selling her stuff. Everything I have been telling her will happen due to her lack of action is happening now.
Last year, as you may recall, I paid thousands of dollars to get her up to speed with every single part of her life. Everything was paid, repaired and up to date. She had an opportunity then to start anew, which, of course is what I expected and thought would happen. Nope. She didn't follow through at NAMI, where she could have gotten SSI, housing, education, therapy, even massage. They would have helped her get a job. She refused to work for minimum wage. After the first time I took her, she never returned.
She slept through job interviews. She didn't show up at possible jobs. She never made one single choice that would help to get her out of the ditch she is in. I dug her out of that ditch with my bare hands, frantically digging and digging and digging. She sat on the sidelines waiting for me to finish so she could jump right back in.
She wrote me a FB message last night mapping out what she owes, how stressed she is, how on Tuesday she loses her storage unit, how she has no where to go, how her friend didn't show up to help her and how much she loves me. I felt angry reading that. I wrote a long response mapping out all of the opportunities she had to change, to fix this, blah, blah, blah.
Then I deleted it all and wrote "This is the inevitable consequence of your lack of action. I'm sorry." I sent it and went to bed.
This is what I feared would happen last year. This is what I paid all that money to NOT happen. This is the kind of thing that used to keep me up at night, make me crazy, keep me stuck, ruined all my moments............... most of you reading this know what I mean..........
This is the inevitable result of her actions or lack of actions. That is the truth. Everything else I could say is....................what............me making up stuff to justify that truth.
I pray for her. That's all I can do now. And, take a deep breath, let go and go on with my day. I have had a lot of training in that and now I get to use that training once again..............
The odd thing is I don't feel any of that dread, that fear, that angst...........I'm not numb either..........I understand how dismal it is for her, but somehow I am separate from it........I can't explain it exactly..............it simply feels that both she and I are in the exact right place now.
It is what it is. There is nothing I can do. And, now............ I really know that.
*God bless my daughter.
Last year, as you may recall, I paid thousands of dollars to get her up to speed with every single part of her life. Everything was paid, repaired and up to date. She had an opportunity then to start anew, which, of course is what I expected and thought would happen. Nope. She didn't follow through at NAMI, where she could have gotten SSI, housing, education, therapy, even massage. They would have helped her get a job. She refused to work for minimum wage. After the first time I took her, she never returned.
She slept through job interviews. She didn't show up at possible jobs. She never made one single choice that would help to get her out of the ditch she is in. I dug her out of that ditch with my bare hands, frantically digging and digging and digging. She sat on the sidelines waiting for me to finish so she could jump right back in.
She wrote me a FB message last night mapping out what she owes, how stressed she is, how on Tuesday she loses her storage unit, how she has no where to go, how her friend didn't show up to help her and how much she loves me. I felt angry reading that. I wrote a long response mapping out all of the opportunities she had to change, to fix this, blah, blah, blah.
Then I deleted it all and wrote "This is the inevitable consequence of your lack of action. I'm sorry." I sent it and went to bed.
This is what I feared would happen last year. This is what I paid all that money to NOT happen. This is the kind of thing that used to keep me up at night, make me crazy, keep me stuck, ruined all my moments............... most of you reading this know what I mean..........
This is the inevitable result of her actions or lack of actions. That is the truth. Everything else I could say is....................what............me making up stuff to justify that truth.
I pray for her. That's all I can do now. And, take a deep breath, let go and go on with my day. I have had a lot of training in that and now I get to use that training once again..............
The odd thing is I don't feel any of that dread, that fear, that angst...........I'm not numb either..........I understand how dismal it is for her, but somehow I am separate from it........I can't explain it exactly..............it simply feels that both she and I are in the exact right place now.
It is what it is. There is nothing I can do. And, now............ I really know that.
*God bless my daughter.
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