Another day in the life

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mrscatinthehat, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    We got to meet with the new case worker on GFG1s case today. Reviewing goals and the like. First they didn't tell us that they had moved the meeting to another place so I was crabby (I was already havign a bad day).

    We got to the correct place and listened. Then the person that runs gfg1s house said something about us going to the house. difficult child 1 asked why we would do that. The staff person said well because they drove 3 hours here and might want to visit. She didn't want to go to the house but the staff person talked her into it. We went and the doors were locked and of course her key was inside. She refused to go to the back door and check it. So we drove to where they have lunch everyday.

    Here we got to meet the new boyfriend. Oh have mercy. At least the last one tried to pretend he was polite. This one I wanted to drop kick from the outset. They went outside to smoke (lets not get started on how that was). I got a call on my cell so I stepped out. You would have thought something strange was happening. She came in after I got off the phone and didn't even talk to us. Went straight and got into the lunch line.

    I looked at husband and told her I was going to the car he could do what he wanted but today was over for me. I wasn't dealing with her or wanna be boy. (I am not sure what he wanna bes but he sure is looking like he wanna be sumpin--his language not mine)

    husband came to the car a moment or two later. I told him I was done with the long distance trips for a while. I don't have to deal with the ****. We can guardian from a distance. We don't have to have regular visits. Not sure if he can hold up his end of that but dang if I am going out of my way.

    We took guardianship because it had to be done but let me tell you if I could find someone I trusted to do the job I would be sorely tempted.

    If I hear the phrase but I am 18 again I might puke. Or I might need one of Abbey's sporks because somebody is getting hurt.

    That and her psychiatrist added the one medication I can't stand the most in the world to her regimine. I just can't do this all the time any more. I don't need the abuse. She I am sure wouldn't even understand the **** she does is way off the mark and if she did I am sure she wouldn't care.

    I need a break.

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Beth any chance you and husband could grab a weekend away? Or even a night out. You certainly sound like you could use a break.

    Had to chuckle over the wanna be boyfriend. Can't blame you for not being eager to go back for a while.

  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I used to fly across the country, drive 4 hours up a mountain and leave within 30 minutes because of the rudeness and verbal abuse. I learned to book my return flight open ended. I learned how to cry without my seatmate knowing the tears were flowing. I also learned that I had the right to be treated with respect. I didn't need to be loved, but I did need to be respected.

    The first time I got up and walked away, my daughter was shocked. She was even more shocked when the next time she heard from me was when I got back home. After a few times of leaving (I always showed up but I would leave), she did get the message and started treating me like I was human (not her mother but human) rather than something to scrape off her shoe. This took about 6 months. It took another 6 months before she acted like she had a mother.

    Do what you have to do. She may get the message that if she wants you in her life, she has to act like she does want you there. If she chooses to throw those who love her away, that's her choice and there's not a dang thing you can do about it. Sadly, while our kids are incredibly immature, they know their rights far better than most kids and use those rights to their advantage. We have little to no control over their actions and choices. All we can do is control our reactions to those choices.

    So, stay away or just leave if she begins to treat you badly. Don't go places with her. Don't take her shopping. Stay close to the group home or Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Make any activities low cost and low profile. Force her to focus on just spending time together. If she refuses to do that, then you leave until she either gets the message or you are very sure she doesn't want you in her life. Yes, it hurts and, yes, it is cruel but it may be the only way you can survive.

    I'm so very sorry she's being such a jerk. You don't deserve it. HUGS
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hugs.........these kids..........there are just no words sometimes. Evidently she does not want your help, comfort, support, or counsel - so I would table the visits for awhile as well. If she wants them, she can ask. Otherwise, move on with your life.

    So sorry.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    So sorry the visit went badly. Many hugs.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hugs. I am so sorry she is treating you and husband this way.

  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    18 is the magic number, eh?

    I'm so sorry. Do try to take a getaway.
  8. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Sorry it didn't go well. In spite of the pain and frustration the day must have caused you, I think you handled things very well. You showed difficult child 1 that you won't tolerate being treated rudely. Now the ball's in her court.